[ She has some idea of how he might be feeling. She knows the struggle, the desire to be seen as collected, powerful, in control. Safe. She waits for those long moments before she can finally make herself talk again. ]

I was winning. And all it did was make me feel even more miserable.

[ She has the horrible feeling of exposing even more of herself than she wants, but she feels the need to push on. ]

It wasn't actually what I wanted. So. Just think about it, okay?