P90: Net

[locked to new hires] post-babadon't

Fri, 29 Jan 2021 04:08:43 GMT

Posted by: princesspower

[ Adora fidgets with her communicator, staring at the screen, her brow furrowed as the video feed starts up. She's in a bed in the infirmary, with some bandaging on her head where she's was previously bleeding from the scalp. She looks tired, mostly. ]

Hey everybody. I just - I guess I wanted to say that I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let myself get taken out like that. Everyone had to deal with that because of me. I screwed up. I won't let it happen again. Uh - I guess that's about it.

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Jorgmund Emergency Announcement Part II

Tue, 19 Jan 2021 01:36:37 GMT

Posted by: piper90npcs

[That horrible alert sound goes off on all their communicators, and after three minutes, Richard Washburn shows up on the screen. He clearly hasn’t sleep, although he’s just as clearly doing his best to hide that fact.]

Good early morning, hires. Unfortunately, it seems like there’s been very little forward progress on identifying which of you is the shapeshifter, and just as little progress finding the body of whomever it’s impersonating. We’ve spoken with some of our foremost scientists and they believe with a significant degree of certainty that this Stuff creature can only impersonate child-friendly figures.

Some of you have petitioned me and have made compelling cases that no child would ever want anything to do with you, and as such I’m clearing you for release for an internal mission to find the body of the person who was replaced by the impersonator. The following people are cleared to leave…Mr. Price, Mr. Winchester, Agent South Dakota, Agent Washington, Ms. Burnham, Ms. Kerrigan, Alia, Agent Tucker, Mr. Loken, Ms. Haynes, Guts, and…Mr. McDonald.

Hopefully they’ll be alive still.

For the rest of you, it’s been pointed out to me that there are ways you may be able to examine each other and determine who among you is a shapeshifter, and that you may need to demonstrate powers or look at each other in person. As such, while the living quarters as a whole remain locked, you are all released from your dorms and may mingle with each other.

The higher-ups have gotten impatient with this entire thing, so if you haven’t identified the imposter in the next…[he checks his watch]…two hours, my hand may be forced and I may need to utilize your collars to see if we can use discomfort to force the creature to reveal itself.

Please continue to keep me updated.

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BACKDATED: An Aftermath of Ghosts [locked to New Hires, including Kokichi]

Fri, 08 Jan 2021 19:34:50 GMT

Posted by: credit_not_blame

[The morning after three ghosts visit the Rig in the night, Stacia appears on the comms.]

All right, I've had my coffee now. Anyone else have weird dreams last night? Because I sure did. If I appeared in yours and you have questions or concerns, I'd prefer to talk about it in person or otherwise privately. I imagine everyone else would too, given the themes.

Also, sorry about all the blood and/or violence.

((OOC: feel free to have locked threads between non-Stacia characters in this post as well!))

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[video]

Sat, 12 Dec 2020 02:20:00 GMT

Posted by: ownperson

[ The woman on the video may look somewhat familiar; it's the shape of her face, the ice blue of her eyes, the blonde of her hair, her height. South and her brother aren't identical, of course, but the family resemblance is clearer than she'd like it to be.

(More than ever, these days; who wants to look in your own reflection and see your dead brother's features looking back at you?)

She's shoved the sleeves of her coveralls as far up her arms as she can get them, revealing a variety of tattoos up one of her muscled arms. There's hints of old purple dye in the front of her hair. Around her neck there's a puck, dangling from a chain, holding a chip of some kind.

She looks... pissed. ]

So this ████ing sucks donkey— [She blinks, then squints.] Oh for ████'s sake, I can't even ████ing swear? ████. ████. ████ing ████-████ ████████████.

[ There's a pause of a few seconds before South visibly decides to test this thing's limits. ]

████trumpet. Bull████. ████biscuit. Dip████. ████face. Jack███. Fuck██████— ha, ████ed that one up.

Ugh, whatever. My name's South. Yes, that's a ████ing codename, no, I'm not telling you my real name. Guess I'm stuck here with the rest of... whoever the hell you guys are. Which ████ing sucks.

[ Not that things didn't suck where she came from, but at least she was something resembling free and kind of in control of how much stuff sucked. Call her old fashioned, but she'd much rather ruin her own life than have someone else do it for her. ]

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Planning Time [Locked to New Hires except Setsuna and Kokichi]

Tue, 24 Nov 2020 18:31:50 GMT

Posted by: pathkin

FYI I've cut Setsuna's comm off. I got notice of suspicious activity that happened during a time she was out cold in the Infitmary. Seems like our unwelcome guest on the rig was smart enough to snatch at least one comm instead of wrecking them all.

That comm is now completely cut off from the network so it no longer has access.

We should maybe take this as a lesson for the future, given the possible access unwelcome parties can have. Everyone should keep an eye out and make sure everyone walks away with their comm from any altercation - or make sure the comm is now least busted parts. Because if they go missing, I can cut them off. We've apparently got crafty bad guys willing to make use of any comms they can snag.

Anyway, now that that's out of the way, you've all apparently got some planning to do to take out you know who.

Time to get crackin'.

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[AUDIO]

Sun, 22 Nov 2020 07:23:31 GMT

Posted by: 71lines

So, after Catra's birthday surprise, I kind of got to wondering. I mean, I'm nineteen. [She'd been eighteen when she first arrived here, but... Well. She hadn't announced her birthday, nor had Jorgmund advertised it for her.] Catra's twenty now. I guess that means Adora's nineteen or twenty. How old are the rest of you?

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[locked to the New Hires][video] Looking Alive

Sun, 01 Nov 2020 03:13:03 GMT

Posted by: credit_not_blame

Everybody get the HELL to one of these locations!

[Stacia copy-pastes the information she's just received on two locations: floors, sections, and designations and intersections. She designates them Blue and Red]

I don't know who sent the information, but our people are under attack.

Coordinate here so we get people to both places. I'm going to location Blue. Lonestar, you'll want to check over my comm later, we can arrange a dead-drop.

Let's MOVE IT, people!

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Video; Set before I've Got Your Name Written Here.

Fri, 23 Oct 2020 16:11:21 GMT

Posted by: prairietroubador

[The man on the comms looks pretty resigned to being stuck here for now. When he speaks, it's with a western drawl.]

Howdy folks. Name's Greg Saunders. I'm a country singer by trade and, since it'll probably hurt more'n it helps to keep it under wraps, I'm also a member of the Justice League. Which means I'm a superhero, for those of you who don't who we are.

Folks call me Vigilante. No powers, but I'm good with a gun, same with a lasso, and I throw a decent punch.

Nice to meet y'all. I wish it could be under better circumstances, but if I'm honest that ain't exactly new for me.

[Encrypted]

What exactly is the lay of the land here, anyways? Besides Jorgmund havin' no regard for our lives or limbs?

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🛠 003 🛠 [Encoded]

Tue, 20 Oct 2020 06:40:09 GMT

Posted by: xrater

[Alia appears on the video. She's in a bathroom, wearing a low-cut red dress and wiping make-up off of her face with the steaming hot water in the sink. When she speaks, though, it's all business.]

So, I've done some poking around. Jorgmund employs multiple wireless networks, some with secret nodes, and different security features for each. I guess that they don't want the sanitation crew using up all of the bandwidth that the President would be using.

I'm dispersing my findings via a briefing document hosted on my robot network to reduce load on Lone Star's network. Each of you gets one copy that will delete itself after you've read through it once, so remember at least part of it. Just scroll to the bottom or restart your comm unit to purge. Some of this comes from gossip I've overheard.

[She pauses, then leans in and dabs at a little black speck between her teeth with a paper towel. Peppercorn. Alia continues like she hadn't stopped.]

Others from more solid surfaces. I've seen a few unsecured medical and financial reports and a good bit of security investigations. Some things just required a bit of finger walking, totally unsecured, others were a little more technical work. I'll spare you the explanations.

( Accept Data Pulse? y/n )

It goes without saying, nothing interesting on my cameras. After that last recording of Planker, he sat there for 3.7 hours, then went to bed, slept for three hours, woke up, got dressed, and went to work. From the sound of things, we can expect a new obstacle course soon. If you've any questions, I'll try to answer them, but I have work to do in the lab.

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All Up In His Grill [video]

Sat, 17 Oct 2020 05:55:26 GMT

Posted by: parannoyed

[Important intel on he and Dave's attacker has been shared, important theories have been theorized. And after Wash rested and then nearly collapsed in pain the few times today he tried to move (to get a little healthy movement going to keep the swelling down or go to the bathroom instead of dealing with the indignity of using a bedpan), Wash has been forced to take on a slightly higher dosage of pain killers, alongside being given a little alien tech device on his temple to help manage it.]

[Now after sleeping most of the day, he's awake. And loopy from the combination of tech and pain killers.]

[He's managed to get his comm on and in float mode.]

[And now he's whispering to it.]

Hey. Hi. Hey little buddy, wake up. So I can say hi to other...buddies.

[Special K, the nurse who's a better doctor than Dr. Glotfelty, is teaching a newer nurse and she smiles when she sees Wash whispering to his comm. She urges the timid-looking student nurse closer. "Don't worry, Judy. Only like two percent of the big scarred tough-looking guys on the rig are Plankers. The others like Wash here melt like buttah the second you're a tiny bit nice to them. Like buttah. Don't they, Washing Machine?"]

[Wash gasps dramatically and flings out a hand for a high five.]

It's my favorite nurse. Up top! Hit your hand on my hand. Hit my hand! Do it!

["He likes high fiving a lot when he's juiced." Special K's smile is sweet and genuine as she gives him a little high five. Then she adjusts his bed to help him sit up better. His torso is a scarred mess in the places where the bandages don't cover.]

Special K. Hey. Hey. Heeeey.

["Heey. I'm here, Wash, what do you need?"]

Hey. Can I have an extra pudding?

["What are the magic words?" she asks.]

Nurses are underpaid and undervalued.

["See why I like this one?" Special K asks the student nurse, as she gets a pudding out of a nearby fridge and a spoon, and opens it for him. "Looks like only chocolate right now, Washing Machine."]

That's fiiiine. It's all good in the hospital hood. I am unto the chocolate like the...the Mayans who were all about the - the chocolate.

["Alright, have your treat, I'll see if we can get you some late lunch since you slept through breakfast, okay? And then we're taking a crack at changing your bandages and your surgical drain."]

[Wash breathes out a low whisper.] Noooo.

[Special K whispers back, "Yeeeesss.">]

[Wash whispers back.] Nooooooooo.

["You've got a half hour of whispering to your friends on your little buddy, okay?" Special K says, with a sisterly tousling of Wash's hair. He leans into it despite himself, clearly grateful for the basic kindness from someone.]

[Wash is still whispering.] Fiiiiine.

[He turns to his comm, eating his pudding.]

Heyooo.

The nurses are so nice here. But you know, I've been in sooo many Medbays and they're usually kind of nice? Nicer? Than other...people. They were even almost nice in the Medbay in prison and nobody was really nice there.

[There are a few secrets, a few things locked up in the vault of his mind even while high as a kite, but he's definitely a little more loose lipped than usual.]

Hey. Hey, can you guys - can you see these guys floating around? [Wash swats at the air with his spoon.]

["What guys, Wash?" asks Special K.]

There's shadow people in the air, like...floating?

["Mild hallucinations are sometimes a side effect at your dose of morphine and the setting on the cortical stimulator," Special K says, showing something to Judy on his chart. "What are the shadow people doing, bud?"]

They're just like...all up in my grill. [Wash turns to the comm, to the rest of his rigmates, his voice filled with mild outrage.] Are you guys - are you guys seeing this? Rude.

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[VIDEO] Backdated to Oct. 11

Thu, 15 Oct 2020 02:01:00 GMT

Posted by: princesspower

[ Adora - well, sort of Adora. She's... very glowy and has a tiara and probably taller. Anyway, it's Adora. Hi everyone. ]

Hey - hey, everyone - I just ran into the killer again. She - got away. But she hurt Catra very badly. I'm taking her to the infirmary right now. Can someone meet me there? I think I healed her a bit, but she's still in bad shape.

[ There's a pause. ]

Oh, right, I guess I'm She-ra again. Long story.

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[video]

Sun, 11 Oct 2020 04:22:43 GMT

Posted by: turntex

[The post that pops up in the feed in the middle of the night doesn't appear to be made with Dave's comm device, but it's Dave that pops up on the screen anyway, and he looks like hell. A split lip, a bruise blossoming along the jaw, nose bloodied, and...there appears to be a dirty sock caught on the collar of his uniform?

Honestly, the weirdest part is probably that it's a video post in the first place. He doesn't have time to sit around messing with this too much, though. Even as practiced at typing as he is, it's harder to do while moving and judging by the background, he's definitely on the move.]

Rise and shine, [PROFANITY CENSORED]. Elevator closest to the infirmary. I know y'all are functionally a bunch of temporally helpless infants, all shaky legged, eyes barely open and all that, but I need you to get your [PROFANITY CENSORED] down here yesterday regardless.

[He's not even trying to dance around the vulgarity filter. It's real bad.]

Found our baddie. Tall lady, redhead, red tattoos. She originally had on a suit and a blonde wig and some kinda mask but no idea if she's sticking with all that. Crazy strong and fast. Pretty sure she can heal herself up, so that's awesome. Lots of ninja weapons, like this [PROFANITY CENSORED] not only ripped off Tenten's skin but also her whole schtick, it's pretty insulting honestly. The skin thing's probably still a bigger deal but hey, I'd be pissed.

[He's babbling a little, half mumbling by the end there, but his expression remains flat and unreadable the whole time. Finally he seems to get where he's going and he pauses, swinging the camera around to the scene in question. Blood everywhere, dents and furrows in the metal walls, smoke still pouring out from the elevator shaft.

The camera spins back to him, and he somehow only looks more tense.]

She got Wash. Probably someone else too, judging by the blood she already had on her when we ran into her, but [PROFANITY CENSORED] if I know who or where.

[He leaves it at that.

For anyone actually sleeping like a normal person at this time, someone comes running through the dorm area soon afterward to bang on walls and make sure people wake up. Seems like Dave sent over the people that had been on watch outside the infirmary.]

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A Clear and Consistent Manner | [locked/encrypted] cw: mention of shock punishment in narration

Wed, 23 Sep 2020 02:04:33 GMT

Posted by: parannoyed

[Wash is quickly learning that Jorgmund isn't the hardest to lie to. One of the benefits of working with middle management in a corporation instead of army leadership, he supposes. They bought that the egg stasis containers Wash tampered with were hit by acid spray during battle, and they even bought his excuse for why they failed the mission objective, why he hadn't acted as a "corrector."]

[Nobody died, after all. Wash pointed out that he'd gone into a conflict where they hadn't even assigned a field leader and walked out with everyone alive. And aren't the New Hires a very expensive and difficult to replace asset, as well? Or else they wouldn't have the shock collars to ensure their compliance.]

[Jorgmund had agreed with his assessment and told him his performance was adequate, and that his assessment of the situation was correct.]

[Then they'd shocked him, told him they expected better than "adequate" in the future and that he wasn't supposed to follow through on a correct tactical assessment unless they told him to.]

[Wash can tell they're trying to soften all they're doing with faux benevolence and nice words with everyone else - why call them "New Hires" if not to make what they're doing seem normal and reasonable? He wonders if they're dispensing with that faux softness with him because they know he's competent enough to see right through it - and because they have an extra bit of leverage to ensure his total obedience regardless of what they do to him. It's a daunting prospect, having to work with people that think there's nothing he'll say no to and who know there's more of chance he'll never fight back than some of the other New Hires.]

[But for now, at the very least he gets to keep both his life and the implant, and now he has to focus on continuing to keep them. To do that, he needs this group to be able to meet their mission objectives (and he doesn't dare risk sabotaging that again). And to do that they need to get their act together. It's not their fault that last mission was disorganized and sloppy, it was Jorgmund's for sending a bunch of brand new agents out there with the regulars, with unfamiliar equipment, and having not even met yet.]

[But it's still a problem that needs to be resolved.]

[It'll also be a lot easier to perform to expectations when they're not randomly getting almost-murdered.]

[After the self-executing encrypted code executes (something he won't tell Jorgmund about on the off chance the resistance here is effective enough to actually get them all out, but will keep in his back pocket if needs it) he gathers intel first, quietly lurking and reading.]

[Then he introduces himself like someone who's used to walking into different situations and immediately bossing everyone around, as ones does (if you're a Freelancer, at least). His voice is clipped and a little stiff, but occasionally dips into dry and sardonic.]

I'm Agent Washington. I may have run into some of you on that mission with the aliens...

[A pause.]

From Aliens.

But otherwise I'm new here. I need a sitrep and an overview of your defense plans so I can recommended improvements.

Also, who's in charge here? I know Jorgmund hasn't appointed anyone formally - because I asked - but you had to have made some kind of decision informally.

[Because the alternative is total anarchy and who lives like that??]

Then again, that mission in Pilton was a disaster, so if you haven't chosen a leader internally, why not?

[Look at Judge Judy all up in here.]

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004: Headcount

Fri, 07 Aug 2020 05:21:06 GMT

Posted by: tarnishedavenger

I didn't exactly get a good count before we snapped back. Is everyone who went on that mission here? Are we missing anyone? Have you, personally, laid eyes on them?

I already know Ms. Green's been missing for a little while. Management simply says that she's been 'transferred', which sounds better than being 'let go.'

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Karkat: Don't Swear [Text]

Sun, 31 May 2020 01:12:17 GMT

Posted by: pasthole

[ Someone makes a post. It's deleted again too quickly to read, but it was definitely riddled with redactions courtesy of the network's filter (which seems to be working today.) A few minutes pass. It happens again, the post is longer and strangely grey, but it's similarly mangled and it's already gone. A third attempt is made, much the same, then... nothing.

Several more minutes tick by. Measured. Thoughtful. Ominous. Will the OP try one more time?

Then it appears: a monstrosity of grey capslock lurches onto the network and this one sticks. The poster's name is apparently Karkat Vantas, and his profile picture fails to yield a face, only a symbol. ]

A lot of unbelievable garbage has happened to me in the last twelve hours, but this? This is it. That anguished sound you hear is the cry of the long-suffering humpbeast that is my patience, its back brutally broken at last by the weight of this final desiccated plant stalk!

I am no stranger to completely stupid communication tools, but this one? This one is truly something special. I am in awe! Do you know how long it took me to get some semblance of control over my text? Do you? I assure you from the bottom of my inflamed bile sponge that you do not!

I was lulled into a sense of false security, naively believing this could not possibly get any worse. I went to post a message! Wow what a moron I must be to have ever supposed that would be easy! Gather round everyone, time to initiate the latest rube to join the idiot carnival! He thinks he can speak his mind without a snotty line of code ripping out his teeth one by one and shoving them right back down his ignorance shaft, what fun we shall have!

Thank you, Jorgmund! Thank you so much for this useless trash, and for this insult to injury! I am so glad that not only have I been kidnapped by aliens, but now I can't even make contact with my fellow captives without first assuming the most deferential posture of insipidity so as not to *dare* offend the grub-soft gander bulbs of an audience of *presumably* fully-moulted adults! I am ecstatic to know that this is the priority here when this entire world is apparently in shambles!

There's no need to take any time out of your jam packed schedules of huffing each other's nooks just to punish my earlier misgivings! My confidence is so inspired I could just choke myself right here and now!

(( OOC: Feel free to use or not use the network's filter as you please, its wild inconsistency can be convenient and a way to drive Karkat up a wall!
Warnings (mostly that Karkat is a loud jerk) and a link to opt out of his capslock nonsense are in his permissions. ))

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[Text] [Locked to New Hires]

Thu, 14 May 2020 16:01:57 GMT

Posted by: wheyoftheadept

[Anon text, under the name "Quaestor."]

Hey. I can't be the only person who didn't give my full attention to the briefing when I got here; since some information has been recieved recently via a local source about what exactly the fuck is happening in this place, I thought I would compile what I learned here, and people could chime in? Just seems sensible to swap notes; not on our secret squirrel shit but in the general "what is happening and why is it happening to us?" sense.

Locked because my source wasn't supposed to be talking to me about some of these things.

In bullet points, what I've learned:

( Read more... )

Sorry if this is old news or difficult to understand. I'm not great at organizing my thoughts, and I figured even if a lot of people know this already, this could be a place to start figuring out what this place's deal is. I have some experience being forcibly bounced around different realities, and the local rules and politics always end up more important than you'd think.

Sorry about the cat.

[So far, everything has gone smoothly, except. Right here, at the bottom. There's a little animated gif of a startled cartoon cat that keeps jumping and rolling backwards, in an endless loop. If she tries to delete it, the program crashes.]

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[text] [locked to new hires only]

Wed, 13 May 2020 03:17:53 GMT

Posted by: turntex

[The wall of text that springs up in the locked network is anonymous, the user just signed as "tg". It's probably obvious anyway to anyone who's talked to Dave a bit, even without his standard obnoxious custom font and shit, but give him a break. This is pure ulfiltered stream of consciousness.]

so ive been thinking
in theory this whole secret secure network is cool and all
like hell yeah got our shit on lockdown we are safe as fuck chatting away here
but im pretty sure most of us still have more reservations than an olive garden during the dinner rush
the waits an hour long and all we can do is sit in this shitty crowded lobby smelling that sweet knockoff italian grub
anyway the guy who put this whole thing together is probably cool and it doesnt seem like anyone code savvy has found anything to be concerned about but it still seems kinda unwise to put certain things in down in writing
like do we really wanna be leaving a metaphorical paper trail of revolutionary evidence just in case this whole program does get blown wide open somehow
and ive seen people stressing over the possibility of untrustworthy fuckers in our midst thatll sell us all out in a heartbeat for an extra pillow
ive been sitting here like shit man what can i even do to actually be useful right now and historically ive had a surplus of flighty broads constantly ready to answer that question
but its not like i can really be all that helpful if i cant even spell out exactly what i might be good for without basically drawing an arrow pointing directly at real life me
the point is maybe were better off talking some shit out in person where were arent leaving a written record and we can kick out anyone that seems sus
i heard the cameras in the training room dont work and it seems like solid info
we could probably orchestrate some stealth convos there or anywhere else that seems off the grid if anyones noticed anything
hell if we wanna get a whole bunch of people together we could probably just sit in a circle and if any staffers poke their heads in and ask about it we just say we put together our own lil group therapy thing
at least half of us are clearly in dire need of it so no one would question it
genius i know
anyway im just spitballing here in an attempt to feel at least a little productive
im open to other ideas just help me out

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[TEXT] [LOCKED TO NEW HIRES ONLY]

Fri, 08 May 2020 04:32:05 GMT

Posted by: bringinghopewithme

[After doing everything he can to verify he's locked this correctly, i.e. asking Stacia to check if he did it right, Bunny presses forth with testing Lonestar's claims.]

Well I haven't been interrogated or tortured any more than usual. Do we trust this thing or not?

[EDITED The next day comes an additional video message -]

I realized two things. Some of you rightly guessed I lied about stealing keys from Jorgmund. Some of you pointed out Jorgmund might somehow be smart enough not to take obvious bait. Well -

[He holds up one paw, and twirls a keyring around one digit.]

It's not a lie anymore.

It got me into a closet and now we have - [He re-angles the camera to show: a metal hammer, multi-bit screwdrivers with a wide range of interchangeable bits, an adjustable wrench, a tiny screwdriver set for delicate work, and a small soldering iron.]

Anyone thinks they can do something useful with any of this, come see me. I'm keeping them hidden and I'm not telling any of you where until I know for sure who talks too much and who doesn't.

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Mac Unionizes [Video]

Wed, 06 May 2020 06:08:21 GMT

Posted by: morebetter

[OOC: Mac's a character who engages in a lot of bigoted opinions and behavior, which may come up in these threads. Please hit me up here if you have any must-avoid topics.]

[Anyone who knows Mac should be concerned that the expression on his face is unambiguously smug. His eyes are alight with that pseudo-manic “I have a great idea” energy that betrays that he does not, in fact, have a great idea, and in fact that any idea he stumbles across is all the worse for having his involvement. When he pops onto the network with the sleeves hacked off his uniform and a rubber ball he’s bouncing off some wall off the screen, he’s all grins, puffed chest, and unearned confidence.

(Un)fortunately or those who don’t know Mac, they’re about to find out exactly why they should be worried whenever he looks like he’s cracked the code.]

Ey-ooo, what’s up, ████? [The swear filter jumps in lightning fast - no seven-second delay here, baby - to bleep out the curse word and briefly smudge a black censored box over his mouth, as “bitches” is not an appropriate term per the Jorgmund Harassment Prevention Protocol.] I’m Mac, and you’re all really lucky I’m here. You’re welcome, you’re welcome.

[Thump, the ball goes off-screen before he fumbles it on the catch. It rolls somewhere off camera and for a moment he considers abandoning his announcement to go get it, then shrugs and returns to his speechifying.]

You’ve all noticed that this job sucks, right? I’ve got a whole list of complaints, but HR keeps telling me to put it in the suggestion box and I’ve put like five copies in and I’m starting to think I’m pretty sure that thing’s a shredder. That’s definitely not going to help us get better food or less itchy clothing or a shower situation where we don’t have to look at women being disgusting with their bodies.

So I’ve been doing some thinking, and I think I’ve come up with the perfect solution. Now, I’m a business-owner myself, so normally I’d be against this thing, but dudes? I really think we should unionize.

Think about it. Once you’re in a union, it’s a law that they have to give you vacations and can’t punish you no matter how bad you ████ up. You don’t even have to ████ up on accident - you can intentionally ruin everything and your employers can’t do ████ because it’s illegal. It’s basically Groucho Marx’s whole manifesto, right? From that book? Power to the people and all that stuff that’s really ████ inconvenient when it’s other people but way convenient when it applies to us right now.

Once we unionize, here’s some stuff that’s automatic. [He starts counting them off on his fingers.] Food that doesn’t taste like it’s older than we are. No more zap collars. Personal showers, you know, available at then end of the week it’d take to build them, I’m not expecting a miracle here. Casual day every day because the only people who benefit from a dress code are nerds. Honestly, there’s literally nothing to lose and so much to gain with a little cooperation.

Now, as the guy who came up with this idea, I think it’s only fair that union dues go to me. Now, I know what you’re thinking - Mac, none of us have cash! - but that’s okay. I’m a reasonable guy an I’m happy to take my lot in favors and gossip. [He wags a finger.] But it has to be interesting and maybe kind of blackmail-worthy. Boring rumors are even worse than regular rumors, because boring rumors are a ████ waste of time.

By the way? I’m doing this out of the goodness of my heart. It turns out I have a really convenient disability and in the eyes of the law, I’m completely untouchable. So chop-chop with the favors.

[This is, for the record, absolutely not locked from the Jorgmund’s eyes, despite Mac’s sincere beliefs that being a “security professional”, “bodyguard” and “impressively detail-oriented guy” has contributed to his planning here.]

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001: Group Introductions - TEXT

Mon, 20 Apr 2020 20:06:54 GMT

Posted by: tarnishedavenger

[During a lull in the party, Armstrong taps out a quick message to the network. Not that private one, he doesn't trust it. They can answer whenever they like, so long as he gets an answer. The trick would be wording it.]

So, we're all in this for now. You've had your welcome cake, but you can't meet everyone in a party, no matter how hard you try. But, since we've all been encouraged to sign up with Jorgmund, I figured now would be a good time to get some introductions done. Talk about any specialties we might have.

Share information that we feel comfortable sharing. This isn't to pressure anyone or to force out any dark secrets.

[Not where watchful eyes can see, at least.]

Besides, I prefer doing this to making a cute information sharing game.

So, please, make your own threads within this post to keep everything organized.

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001 [TEXT] [LOCKED TO NEW HIRES ONLY]

Mon, 20 Apr 2020 02:59:38 GMT

Posted by: pathkin

[The screens of the New Hires flicker with a text message. The image of a starburst briefly flashes on the screen, alone in an empty sky.]

[The screen that pops up changes the way the network interface usually looks. It makes it a bit more surreptitious, so that pencilneck looking over their shoulders would think they're using an innocuous data entry program. There's also a panic button in the corner that they can hit to shut their connection down early.]

[The program makes their comms connection even slower, since the network's already running at terrible speed, but at least it's discreet. And resources have been devoted to at least making the panic button shut down fast if they need it.]

[The post is a text post, and where the posters name should be it says: ┖⍟ϗϵ⸈₮αℜ]

Evening, ladies and gents and variations thereupon, the name's Lonestar.

None of us have all day and I'm not the type for melodrama about how big brother's eyes are watching, so I'm going to keep this to the point. I'm a New Hire like you and want us to get out of here as much as most of you all likely want to leave

With these internal shock collars, getting free is most likely going to be difficult. And a long-term, coordinated effort. But to coordinate, we need ways of communicating Jorgmund can't see.

I've created this program to let us encrypt and filter our conversations away from Jorgmund. It just auto uploaded and self-executed to your comms but you can quickly uninstall it any time if you need to be extra cautious.

[A link appears on the screen to some kind of drop box type interface, containing a file.]

That link will let you download the installation file so that it can be saved and dispersed by any New Hires to any future kidnapping victims even if I'm found out and killed.

Locked posts will have a small signifier noting they're locked, an innocuous interface that mimics a notepad application Jorgmund has on our comms, and a panic button to cut off the connection and boot you out of the interface in case a Jorgmund staffer is looking over your shoulder.

However, while it can encrypt our conversations, it can't mask overall network usage so we'll need to keep maintaining non-locked conversations about whatever inane topics make for good public discussion. The resources the encrypted posts use are minimal, so as long as unlocked traffic occurs, it should be able to mask our more discreet conversations.

[That means they must shitpost like their lives depend on it.]

I know that you have good reason to not be inclined to trust me, but the only reason I'm hiding my identity is so any potential snitches can't report me to Jorgmund so I get "fired."

Possibly out of cannon.

The encryption will let any of you go anon, too, in case people want to play spy and drop something useful that Jorgmund would get in a snit about. As much as it'd be helpful to all hold hands and sing happy songs, we don't know if anyone here might brown nose and snitch for their own benefit.

Anon posting and replies can only happen in locked post because Jorgmund doesn't have it enabled on our normal network posts.

Oh, also, there seems to be script for a swearing filter on normal network posts. In locked posts, you can say "fuck" all you want.

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