[locked] More Intel

[parannoyed]

In the spirit of sharing information that we found while monster-hunting [and on a separate post because like hell is he going to purposefully comment to Price] we also need to share what we found on one of the laptops while snooping around.

Apparently the company is worried about outside threats, someone called The Bey and some pirates, and a group called the Ryecatchers. They don't seem to think the pirates are much of a threat other than The Bey - maybe their leader? The person writing the memo thought the Ryecatchers were a worse threat.

Information about Jorgmund's enemies seems useful to know.

Comments

[fuckingaqua]

... okay, so hear me out.

[ Don't do it oh wait he's just going ahead. ]

Do you think there's a chance The Bey is actually a giant mutated Beyoncé and follow-up: do you think she's into dudes from out of town if she exists? 'cause I'll make that sacrifice.

[ He is not here to exchange good ideas even on a locked post. ]

[credit_not_blame]

On one hand, you have to consider the question "what do I have to offer Mad Max Beyonce?"

On the other hand, I would 100% join Mad Max Beyonce's post-apocalyptic pirate gang.

[Tucker does not need encouragement. But Stacia's going to do it anyway because of who she is as a person.

And hey, maybe it'll even keep the goofiness contained to one part of the discussion!]

[passifloraincarnata]

What's a "Beyonce"?

[fromfryingpantofire]

The Ryecatchers?

[Sam looks like he's trying to decide between a couple of responses. Or weighing the one he has. Still.]

Don't suppose we're looking for a guy named Holden Caulfield as their leader?

[He's probably only semi-serious.]

[onequartershark]

Tucker.

[fuckingaqua]

That's the beauty of it, right? Like, if we go ahead and assume she's out there, I've got time to work on my approach if I think about it this far out. I've got from here until I walk up to her throne made out of human skulls or whatever. We all do.

[fuckingaqua]

What? It could happen! It wouldn't even hit the top of the 'weird impossible shit that's happened to us' charts. I'm gonna be ready for it.

[onequartershark]

...I hate that you're actually right.

This is par.

[fuckingaqua]

Recognizing realistically dumb shit that might happen is where I shine, Carolina. So get excited for our liberation by mutant pirate Bey. We're gonna be ten times less homesick by the time she scatters us through the universe to get her some Chaos Emeralds.

[prairietroubador]

Assuming it ain't somehow J.D. Salinger hisself, anyways.

[onequartershark]

I'll take it as long as we don't have robots or dinosaurs again.

I have to draw a line somewhere.

Life is only allowed to be so confusing.

[credit_not_blame]

I'm just saying that you'd better start thinking real hard, because she'd have a lot of people lined up to serve her and you'd need to make sure you bring something unique to the table!

[credit_not_blame]

Basically, she's a famous celebrity singer. She's really cool, and generally considered to be an attractive woman.

[parannoyed]

The Bey is apparently a he.

But if they hadn't said so I'd definitely wonder...

[A pause.]

What do you think did happen to Beyonce in the apocalypse? If she survived?

I vote 'benevolent local warlord.' Female-only enforcers, most likely.

[parannoyed]

I hope they're not that pretentious. Especially if we ever need to work with them.

[fuckingaqua]

I dunno. I might pay to watch robots versus dinosaurs 2.

From a distance.

Whatever the distance is that keeps them from turning on us.

[fuckingaqua]

Ugh, if Jorgmund would just give me back my sweet alien sword, I could make my case right out of the gate! Extra edge to shoot my shot with! Alien sword pirate knight who isn't gonna hold her back from her ambitions and stuff. It's straight outta the movies!

[fuckingaqua]

Goddamnit.

[ If it's not Beyonce, what's the point. This is discrimination against him specifically for hoping that it's Beyonce. ]

Oh, she so survived, dude. Celebrities are all in on that secret bunker Illuminati stuff. And even if they weren't, who's gonna stop Beyonce from nabbing the safest seat in the house? She's got the ladies. They're in formation.

[myagents]

That is an interesting theory, Private Tucker. [Interesting is usually a word that Price uses to describe dumbass, after all.] If that was the case, how would you approach her?

[Don't get him wrong, Price likes Tucker. Price likes everyone! He just thinks that sometimes people really ask for the humiliation.]

[takenalive]

She and her ensemble were on a list of popular humans Esplin tried to procure. It was a common tactic for recruiting less popular humans for infestation.

As I understand it these celebrated humans tended to become less celebrated after being infested and starting to endorse the Sharing.

[credit_not_blame]

I support Beyoncé's exploration of gender, both before and after the Stuffpocalypse.

But regardless of Beyoncé's gender, yeah: benevolent local warlord with female-only enforcers for sure.

[credit_not_blame]

Look, you got the sweet alien sword in the first place, right? You've just got to demonstrate those skills again!

[credit_not_blame]

[That makes sense. It's creepy, but Stacia can follow the logic easily.]

Yeah, preaching the benefits of weird cults does tend to damage someone's star power. Like Tom Cruise and Scientology.

[takenalive]

Ah, yes. The competition. They did get this Cruise, though. I think some of the damage is just because a Yeerk can't go more than three days without leaving its host and feeding in a Yeerk Pool. There were and are several, and some portable units, but it causes some disruptions in schedule and makes it difficult to travel.

[ragefeathers]

Don't do Beyoncé dirty like this.