[locked] More Intel

[parannoyed]

In the spirit of sharing information that we found while monster-hunting [and on a separate post because like hell is he going to purposefully comment to Price] we also need to share what we found on one of the laptops while snooping around.

Apparently the company is worried about outside threats, someone called The Bey and some pirates, and a group called the Ryecatchers. They don't seem to think the pirates are much of a threat other than The Bey - maybe their leader? The person writing the memo thought the Ryecatchers were a worse threat.

Information about Jorgmund's enemies seems useful to know.

Comments

[fuckingaqua]

... okay, so hear me out.

[ Don't do it oh wait he's just going ahead. ]

Do you think there's a chance The Bey is actually a giant mutated Beyoncé and follow-up: do you think she's into dudes from out of town if she exists? 'cause I'll make that sacrifice.

[ He is not here to exchange good ideas even on a locked post. ]

[credit_not_blame]

On one hand, you have to consider the question "what do I have to offer Mad Max Beyonce?"

On the other hand, I would 100% join Mad Max Beyonce's post-apocalyptic pirate gang.

[Tucker does not need encouragement. But Stacia's going to do it anyway because of who she is as a person.

And hey, maybe it'll even keep the goofiness contained to one part of the discussion!]

[passifloraincarnata]

What's a "Beyonce"?

[credit_not_blame]

Basically, she's a famous celebrity singer. She's really cool, and generally considered to be an attractive woman.

[fuckingaqua]

That's the beauty of it, right? Like, if we go ahead and assume she's out there, I've got time to work on my approach if I think about it this far out. I've got from here until I walk up to her throne made out of human skulls or whatever. We all do.

[onequartershark]

Tucker.

[fuckingaqua]

What? It could happen! It wouldn't even hit the top of the 'weird impossible shit that's happened to us' charts. I'm gonna be ready for it.

[parannoyed]

The Bey is apparently a he.

But if they hadn't said so I'd definitely wonder...

[A pause.]

What do you think did happen to Beyonce in the apocalypse? If she survived?

I vote 'benevolent local warlord.' Female-only enforcers, most likely.

[fuckingaqua]

Goddamnit.

[ If it's not Beyonce, what's the point. This is discrimination against him specifically for hoping that it's Beyonce. ]

Oh, she so survived, dude. Celebrities are all in on that secret bunker Illuminati stuff. And even if they weren't, who's gonna stop Beyonce from nabbing the safest seat in the house? She's got the ladies. They're in formation.

[credit_not_blame]

I support Beyoncé's exploration of gender, both before and after the Stuffpocalypse.

But regardless of Beyoncé's gender, yeah: benevolent local warlord with female-only enforcers for sure.

[myagents]

That is an interesting theory, Private Tucker. [Interesting is usually a word that Price uses to describe dumbass, after all.] If that was the case, how would you approach her?

[Don't get him wrong, Price likes Tucker. Price likes everyone! He just thinks that sometimes people really ask for the humiliation.]

[fuckingaqua]

I dunno, it's kinda been a while. First impressions are gonna be a huge deal. 'cause I'm not trying to challenge her authority or Game of Thrones her out of power. I just wanna have a good time.

So like... "Hey, girl. I'm really into the way you had that traitor executed. How about we go somewhere more private so you can tell me how you're gonna run the world, and we see what happens?"

[ Requisite eyebrow waggling goes here. If you aren't willing to throw the ball first, no Bey will ever hit it back. Reach for the stars. ]

[ragefeathers]

Don't do Beyoncé dirty like this.

[fuckingaqua]

I'm just saying you miss 100% of the shots you don't take! If I don't go for it and I find out too late that she's lowered her standards all the way down to where she might tolerate me, I'll.. I'll never be able to live with myself.

[walkingballpit]

Hey can we not throw around words like mutated like there a bad thing? Have a little sensitivity.

[fuckingaqua]

Dude, who's saying it like it's a bad thing? I'm gonna sit on her shoulder like a sexy parrot and treat her right while she lays waste to the Livable Zone.

Or saves it?

Wherever she's at morally these days.

[fromfryingpantofire]

The Ryecatchers?

[Sam looks like he's trying to decide between a couple of responses. Or weighing the one he has. Still.]

Don't suppose we're looking for a guy named Holden Caulfield as their leader?

[He's probably only semi-serious.]

[prairietroubador]

Assuming it ain't somehow J.D. Salinger hisself, anyways.

[fromfryingpantofire]

Even with the Stuff, I would imagine it would be a little much to bring him back.

[parannoyed]

I hope they're not that pretentious. Especially if we ever need to work with them.

[fromfryingpantofire]

Pretentiousness can be survived, at least. Or ignored, for the most part. Long enough to be able to work with them, at least.

[credit_not_blame]

We're all going to feel really bad for making fun of them when we find out that they're perfectly nice people who like rubbing hallucinogens on their genitals.

...Or whatever the hell happened that caused the whole Salem witch trials debacle, I'm not actually all that clear on it.

[fromfryingpantofire]

To the best of my knowledge, that didn't happen in my world. Also, unsurprisingly, the trials never got any real witches. Most of them are a lot better at hiding themselves.

[bringinghopewithme]

Who's Holden Caulfield?

[fromfryingpantofire]

Main character of a book called The Catcher in the Rye. Most American kids end up having to read it at some point during high school. Main character is a teenager who gets in trouble at school and runs away to New York City and has a series of adventures and misadventures. Probably has untreated depression, but it was set just post World War II, so the time period wasn't great for mental health issues. The main thing about the character is that he's pretentious as hell. Most people don't particularly end up liking Holden when they read the book.