piper90 | [video] [encrypted]

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[Someone has spent the last few hours holed up reading through everything on the network. Everything. Every post on both the public and encrypted networks, every comment, every introduction. He might have made notes if he'd had any paper, but for now he's just keeping it all in his head. And it's a lot.

But finally, he gets around to making a post himself. The new face that pops up on the comms is young, though the exact age is hard to determine – one of those baby faces that could be anywhere from like twelve to eighteen. He seems thoroughly unimpressed as he sits back to stare down the communicator screen.]

Wow, the corporate hellscape was pretty bad, but apparently there's a murderer on the loose, too? You'd think they'd at least switch up the genre this time.

[Who is "they"? Well, that's what he'd like to know.

But his expression abruptly changes, all childish excitement and wonder. He grins down at the communicator, nearly bouncing with excess energy.]

But how cool! A special network secret from Jorgmund? It's like we're spies! I'm sure with everyone working together, we can get out of this whole mess!

[Aw, how nice. Unfortunately, that optimistic energy suddenly disappears as the smile drops off his face, replaced with a sly smirk.]

Is that what I'm supposed to say? You're all pretty naive if you really think this network is any safer than the other one! I guess that's how so many of you have gotten picked off by just one killer, huh? What, did you just skip up to this mystery lady like "heeeyyy, you totally won't peel my face off, right?" and expect to be best friends?

[ bitch that's rude ]

Aaaanyway, I guess it's pretty standard to introduce ourselves on these things. Pretty rude of you guys to not even bother meeting people properly in person, but whatevs!

[He leans back in his seat, sizing up the communicator like it's an actual person prostate before him, and spreads his arms in a theatrical gesture.]

I'm Kokichi Ouma, the Ultimate Supreme Leader. I'm sure we're all gonna be the best of friends!

[A cheery smile, completely shameless as he tacks on at the end:]

But that's a lie. You should probably know I'm a liar.

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Well jeeze, you could just tell me another lie then. How would I know the difference?

How do you know that wasn't a lie right there, hmm?

Well gosh. How would I. Y'sure got me at every turn. It's almost like I got nothin' to gain from talkin' to you at all.

[How much a bid for attention IS this, anyway?]

Aaaalmost. But not quite. After all, I was lying. The truth is, the whole recruitment process is just me offering an invitation! As Supreme Leader, my word is all that really matters.

[Is he trying to keep the conversation going or is he serious?? The world will never knows.]

So I could let you join, if you're prepared to declare your absolute loyalty to me.

[A long, exaggerated wince.]

Boy, that's gonna be difficult, seein' as how I already sold my soul to the Moon and all. We got a real conflict of interests going on here.

Woah, so all those stories about a rabbit making mochi on the moon are true?

[But now he's curious. Though he'll maintain that same attitude, childish and just overdramatic enough to leave it uncertain how serious he's being about anything.]

So what kind of benefits does working for the moon get you? It must be something pretty special to turn down such a rare opportunity.

Oh you know, amazing health insurance. [Not that he needed the immortality, but still.] Not much of a 401k, though. Pay's all right. [If you count being paid in ambient love and whimsical notoriety as all right, and he does.] But there's nothing like the satisfaction of the job well done. The usual. Those are usual things for job benefits, right?

Yeah, you're gonna have to offer something pretty appealing to get me to be your minion. But why don't you tell me about YOUR employee benefits, see if you can get me to come around?

Hm? Well, obviously my organization's the place to be for those who want to make a difference. There's no better way to have a hand in changing the world! I'm the one who decides how it changes, of course, but I'm super nice so I take requests from people I like.

[Yes, that is a very legitimate and tangible benefit on the same level as healthcare and a 401k.]

I'm also super generous with breaks. Overworked minions are no good! Oh, and high-ranking members get to have teatime with their Supreme Leader.

What if I don't like how you change it, and also what if I drink coffee?

[He doesn't but gosh do adult humans seem to be concerned about that substance and its presence (or not) in their day.]

[Kokichi makes a face, making his stance of coffee very clear.]

Ugh. I guess you can drink whatever you want, if you prefer that bitter crap. More tea for me! And since I'm soooo tolerant and understanding, trusted members can use that quality time to bring up any concerns with me directly. I'm a good listener, y'know.

So considerate! So conscientious! How'd you learn to be so kind and understanding, anyway?

People skills are super important for a Supreme Leader! It's just a natural talent, though. I guess that's why I'm the one with the Ultimate title, huh?

[The irony of bragging about his people skills right after deliberately pissing off most of the New Hires...]

[The controlled ability to apply stress via annoyance is, technically, a people skill.]

Amazing. Who awarded you such an apt title?

[He adopts a bemused smiles, head tilting as he looks at the screen.]

The Ultimate Initiative, duh. Don't they have that where you come from?

I'm probably not cool enough to know about it.

[It's funny because he is in fact so extremely cool, that's the joke]

[Even that offhand response tells him plenty. There's no way anyone doesn't know about the Ultimate Initiative where be comes from, not without living under a rock, so it's either some different iteration of Earth, or...

Or...something. "Magic" or "Stuff" or "alternate universes" all seem like awfully convenient explanations, and he's not so willing to immediately accept any of them when there's still so much that's uncertain about the place he came from.

Anyway. This isn't the time to puzzle over these things.]

At least you're self-aware. That's the first step to becoming less lame.

Uh huh. Maybe you'll do me the favor of explaining this Ultimate Initiative. Maybe you'll do me the double favor of not lying about it.

[He's . . . he's not putting money on it.]

[Well. If Bunny's gonna ask so nicely...

But really, it's more like there's no point to lying about this particular thing. And it's honestly kind of unsettling to have to explain at all. There's the whole alternate universes thing, sure, but it hits a little too close to other things he's been uneasy about.

So the smile fades, expression oddly serious and unreadable. His eyebrows arch a little as if in disbelief, but he explains it simply, coolly.]

It's a program for cultivating prodigious talent. To be chosen as an Ultimate, you have to be better at what you do than anyone else, and Ultimates are eligible for all kinds of benefits from the government. Free tuition, grant money, early voting privileges, eligibility to run for office...

[Aaand the smile returns, cheery as can be.]

I'd say you've been living under a rock, but it's more like the whole crust of the Earth, huh?

Got it in one.

[Amazing how helpful and desirable this pathologically lying child who drops disturbing one-liners like they're smoke bombs has made this Ultimate Initiative sound. With its benefits and support of talented individuals. Bunny wonders what happens to the kids who aren't talented enough to cut it, and remembers that little smoke bomb about kids having to murder each other to graduate.]

What a useful public service. A kid must be pretty lucky and skilled to get their attention. How lucky and skilled would you rate yourself?

Are you trying to say all my accomplishments have been pure luck? How rude!!

[Yep, he's definitely back to the almost histrionic overacting.]

I mean, I think I'm pretty unlucky. I ended up here, after all. But since I've got Ultimate-level skill, I manage alright anyway.

Of course not. Why would I doubt a single one of your capabilities? When you're already so clearly skilled at making friends and influencing people.

[Influencing people, anyway.]

This Ultimate Initiative wouldn't have anything to do with that school where students kill each other to graduate, would it?

[It's a very clear shot in the dark to connect some dots, but hey. Maybe Kokichi is in a truthful mood by now.]

Huh? Didn't I say that was a lie? You sure are hung up on that.

[He's stalling for time to think. Partially because Bunny's a bit more canny than expected, but also because, frankly, he just doesn't know. There's a fuckton he doesn't know for sure about that whole mess and it's frustrating as all hell.]

That'd be pretty counterproductive anyway, right? I mean, why would anyone gather up talented students and give them all that support just to kill them?

[Bunny doesn't bother to cover up his pause as he considers how to phrase his response.]

Sometimes cruelty has nothing to do with productivity. Sometimes cruelty's just about . . . the end product.

What do you say to that, Supreme Ultimate Leader?

[Well that feels awfully pointed. Kokichi stares for a moment before smiling blandly.]

I say that sounds pretty wasteful. But I guess not everyone can be as productive in their cruelty as me.

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