piper90 | Entries tagged with jack spicer

Today is my birthday! Happy birthday to meeeeeee!

[Stacia clears her throat.]

After some serious thought and because this place is disgusting, I have elected to turn seventeen again. To that effect, please feel free to greet me in person with whatever seventeen-and-under age you like, especially where Jorg employees can hear so as to sow confusion amongst their ranks.

myagents

[ooc: probably goes without saying, the content of the document was provided by the mods]

"Greetings. As you may have noticed, while we were split in groups to find the shapeshifter we found some important clues. One being a Jorgmund document that was in the paper shredder. I took it to my room and spent my free time reassembling it in order to get any important information. I will quickly show you what it is about."

Price rapidly shows the reassembled document and then shares his screen: there's a picture of it. Part of the content is useless, but there's also something interesting.
( He also shows a transcript, which he reads out loud. )

"This content might be potentially important, and your input is welcome. I cordially invite you to keep the discussion civil. Thank you for your attention."

He switches from video to text to reply more comfortably.

onequartershark

This is Carolina. I've been asked to make a... public service-slash-safety announcement.

[ Carolina looks tired. Carolina also sounds tired, her voice is as dry as the Sahara. From how her eyes keep flicking downward, she's evidently reading something aloud. (And, on occasion, squinting judgmentally at the choices of whoever wrote it.) ]

It has come to the attention of management that certain individuals were... particularly enthusiastic about our recent Mandatory Fun Team Building Activity.

[ She pronounces the capital letters. As for the activity: It was paintball. There were winners. There were losers. There were tears. Carolina is very much among those who may have won a little too hard and has the bruises to prove it.

So do some other people.

She continues, still mostly monotone. ]

While employee participation in Mandatory Fun Activities is compulsory and enthusiasm is encouraged, management wishes to remind you that it is our goal here at Jorgmund to win together. Unsportsmanlike behavior, excessive force, and - [ She hesitates for just a split second, clenching her jaw as she obviously swallows the desire to argue ] - bending of the rules are not welcome in Mandatory Fun and may result in corrective action.

Those who have demonstrated a need for corrective action today already know who they are.

[ She gives the camera a long, significant, withering look. ]

This concludes the public service-slash-safety announcement. Have a pleasant day and...

[ She doesn't roll her eyes, but it's a very near thing. ]

...remember we're all here to make this better, together.

((OOC: This post is intended to refer to a big, stupid, chaotic game that is described through what characters say/what kind of shape they're in/what they complain about afterward. Improvise, imply need for corrective action, find ways your character got to sit out and laugh at everyone else, etc. Have fun with it! ))

whethertheyshould

I've done some asking around, and if you're wondering why you were targeted or bitten by the, ah, the so-called 'cherubs', I've pretty much narrowed it down to you being in love. I don't know if trying to not feel loving feelings helps, however. I would say it couldn't hurt to try, but I think what hurts a lot less than that is simply avoiding the areas where they are gathering, which is in the hallways.

71lines

So, after Catra's birthday surprise, I kind of got to wondering. I mean, I'm nineteen. [She'd been eighteen when she first arrived here, but... Well. She hadn't announced her birthday, nor had Jorgmund advertised it for her.] Catra's twenty now. I guess that means Adora's nineteen or twenty. How old are the rest of you?

trialbyliar

[Someone has spent the last few hours holed up reading through everything on the network. Everything. Every post on both the public and encrypted networks, every comment, every introduction. He might have made notes if he'd had any paper, but for now he's just keeping it all in his head. And it's a lot.

But finally, he gets around to making a post himself. The new face that pops up on the comms is young, though the exact age is hard to determine – one of those baby faces that could be anywhere from like twelve to eighteen. He seems thoroughly unimpressed as he sits back to stare down the communicator screen.]

Wow, the corporate hellscape was pretty bad, but apparently there's a murderer on the loose, too? You'd think they'd at least switch up the genre this time.

[Who is "they"? Well, that's what he'd like to know.

But his expression abruptly changes, all childish excitement and wonder. He grins down at the communicator, nearly bouncing with excess energy.]

But how cool! A special network secret from Jorgmund? It's like we're spies! I'm sure with everyone working together, we can get out of this whole mess!

[Aw, how nice. Unfortunately, that optimistic energy suddenly disappears as the smile drops off his face, replaced with a sly smirk.]

Is that what I'm supposed to say? You're all pretty naive if you really think this network is any safer than the other one! I guess that's how so many of you have gotten picked off by just one killer, huh? What, did you just skip up to this mystery lady like "heeeyyy, you totally won't peel my face off, right?" and expect to be best friends?

[ bitch that's rude ]

Aaaanyway, I guess it's pretty standard to introduce ourselves on these things. Pretty rude of you guys to not even bother meeting people properly in person, but whatevs!

[He leans back in his seat, sizing up the communicator like it's an actual person prostate before him, and spreads his arms in a theatrical gesture.]

I'm Kokichi Ouma, the Ultimate Supreme Leader. I'm sure we're all gonna be the best of friends!

[A cheery smile, completely shameless as he tacks on at the end:]

But that's a lie. You should probably know I'm a liar.

ragefeathers

First of all ████ this shit.

[ Mackenzie Haynes is one very unhappy looking young woman. She is dressed in the typical new hire garment and she glares at the camera on her device like she might be able to burn a hole in it. That changes to an almost unhinged level of outrage when she realizes that the application is bleeping out her curse word. ]

What the ████?

Why can't I say ████?

So not only did I get ████ing kidnapped, I can't even cuss about it? This is bull████.

heterochrocatic

[ Much like poor Tenten, Catra is broadcasting live from the infirmary. In fact, if you squint you'll probably be able to see which bed she's in to relation to Tenten. The poor woman has been bandaged to hell and back, her head wrapped in dressings, though there's enough visible for it to be clear that whatever happened to her, it was necessary for that big, poofy mane of hair to be shorn away in order for it to be treated.

At least she's not missing half her face. When she speaks, her voice is rough and croaky. She's still recovering from whatever it was that happened to her a few days back. ]

I guess I'm alive. Don't everyone celebrate at once.

[ The jab is accompanied by a weak smile. ]

What'd I miss?

parannoyed

[Wash is quickly learning that Jorgmund isn't the hardest to lie to. One of the benefits of working with middle management in a corporation instead of army leadership, he supposes. They bought that the egg stasis containers Wash tampered with were hit by acid spray during battle, and they even bought his excuse for why they failed the mission objective, why he hadn't acted as a "corrector."]

[Nobody died, after all. Wash pointed out that he'd gone into a conflict where they hadn't even assigned a field leader and walked out with everyone alive. And aren't the New Hires a very expensive and difficult to replace asset, as well? Or else they wouldn't have the shock collars to ensure their compliance.]

[Jorgmund had agreed with his assessment and told him his performance was adequate, and that his assessment of the situation was correct.]

[Then they'd shocked him, told him they expected better than "adequate" in the future and that he wasn't supposed to follow through on a correct tactical assessment unless they told him to.]

[Wash can tell they're trying to soften all they're doing with faux benevolence and nice words with everyone else - why call them "New Hires" if not to make what they're doing seem normal and reasonable? He wonders if they're dispensing with that faux softness with him because they know he's competent enough to see right through it - and because they have an extra bit of leverage to ensure his total obedience regardless of what they do to him. It's a daunting prospect, having to work with people that think there's nothing he'll say no to and who know there's more of chance he'll never fight back than some of the other New Hires.]

[But for now, at the very least he gets to keep both his life and the implant, and now he has to focus on continuing to keep them. To do that, he needs this group to be able to meet their mission objectives (and he doesn't dare risk sabotaging that again). And to do that they need to get their act together. It's not their fault that last mission was disorganized and sloppy, it was Jorgmund's for sending a bunch of brand new agents out there with the regulars, with unfamiliar equipment, and having not even met yet.]

[But it's still a problem that needs to be resolved.]

[It'll also be a lot easier to perform to expectations when they're not randomly getting almost-murdered.]

[After the self-executing encrypted code executes (something he won't tell Jorgmund about on the off chance the resistance here is effective enough to actually get them all out, but will keep in his back pocket if needs it) he gathers intel first, quietly lurking and reading.]

[Then he introduces himself like someone who's used to walking into different situations and immediately bossing everyone around, as ones does (if you're a Freelancer, at least). His voice is clipped and a little stiff, but occasionally dips into dry and sardonic.]

I'm Agent Washington. I may have run into some of you on that mission with the aliens...

[A pause.]

From Aliens.

But otherwise I'm new here. I need a sitrep and an overview of your defense plans so I can recommended improvements.

Also, who's in charge here? I know Jorgmund hasn't appointed anyone formally - because I asked - but you had to have made some kind of decision informally.

[Because the alternative is total anarchy and who lives like that??]

Then again, that mission in Pilton was a disaster, so if you haven't chosen a leader internally, why not?

[Look at Judge Judy all up in here.]

xrater

So, we have a bit of a decision to make here. I have my preferences, of course, but they may not line up with yours and since they might mean some... dramatic life changes for us, it would be best if I asked you.

Some of you may know many of the security cameras don't work. It's a longstanding problem. Some of you may know why they don't work. (If you don't, the less you know, the better.) I can fix this issue so that the security cameras on the Rig work. All of them. Everywhere. However, with the limited functionality of the computers I'm allowed to use, I can't keep them selectively blind. They'll either work for both Jorgmand and us or not at all. In addition, once I've informed Jorgmund that the problem's been fixed, there's no plausible way for us to go back to enjoying the relative privacy we've had so far.

So, in short, we'd have eyes and could rely both on Security and ourselves to spot anything... amiss, like our attacker moving into action again. But there would be no more blind spots, we'd have to be more careful, or find a way to engineer glitches that won't raise suspicion.

That's option 1.

Option 2 is simple.

^{^╭}Download aliaworkshop062.gif? y/n_{_╯}

[The image is of Alia's workspace, largely spotless and polished to a near mirror-sheen. For those with lots of hope and a fertile imagination, no, this isn't her attempting the one finger selfie challenge. Repent for your sins. No, instead it's a few small robots. Some mechanical worms about four or five inches long, something that looks like segmented snake, and a metallic spider the size of a large tarantula. Only five total.]

Apologies for the low quality image. Jorgmund's communicators are rather substandard. For the past several weeks, I've been allowed a small budget to build useful machines and advance Jorgmund's scientific knowledge. As you can see in the attached image, this is what I have available so far. The other options are either too loud or too large to fit into the ducts without issue. I could build more, easily, but I've used up my allotted budget and couldn't put cameras inside of them.

We can send these on patrols, inspecting various rooms, point them at specific suspects to track, or set to watch specific areas where an attack or an escape may occur. I can explain their use to the R&D heads as field testing, if need be.

With these active, we would maintain our privacy but, as you can see, we would be limited to only five more sets of eyes in addition to our own.

Personally, Option 1 feels like the best choice, but I'm not going to take such a step without consulting the rest of you.

garmr

[Guts’ voice will be jumping in at the crack of dawn, and he’s pissed.]

If you don’t wanna die in this stinking metal heap, then listen up.

Adora found Setsuna and Tenten after someone tried to kill them. They'll live, but they're in bad shape. Real bad. The guards were useless, as you would expect.

They were attacked in one of the locked halls while we were sleeping, around the west side of the Rig. No one knows who did it, so keep your eyes peeled. Don't wander around alone if you don't have to.

Unless somebody’s got any better ideas, we should mount up a night watch until the bastard is found - in shifts and in pairs. Any of you that can fight and have a sharp eye can chip in. Don’t expect many of us to be getting much sleep, anyway.

pasthole

[ Someone makes a post. It's deleted again too quickly to read, but it was definitely riddled with redactions courtesy of the network's filter (which seems to be working today.) A few minutes pass. It happens again, the post is longer and strangely grey, but it's similarly mangled and it's already gone. A third attempt is made, much the same, then... nothing.

Several more minutes tick by. Measured. Thoughtful. Ominous. Will the OP try one more time?

Then it appears: a monstrosity of grey capslock lurches onto the network and this one sticks. The poster's name is apparently Karkat Vantas, and his profile picture fails to yield a face, only a symbol. ]

A lot of unbelievable garbage has happened to me in the last twelve hours, but this? This is it. That anguished sound you hear is the cry of the long-suffering humpbeast that is my patience, its back brutally broken at last by the weight of this final desiccated plant stalk!

I am no stranger to completely stupid communication tools, but this one? This one is truly something special. I am in awe! Do you know how long it took me to get some semblance of control over my text? Do you? I assure you from the bottom of my inflamed bile sponge that you do not!

I was lulled into a sense of false security, naively believing this could not possibly get any worse. I went to post a message! Wow what a moron I must be to have ever supposed that would be easy! Gather round everyone, time to initiate the latest rube to join the idiot carnival! He thinks he can speak his mind without a snotty line of code ripping out his teeth one by one and shoving them right back down his ignorance shaft, what fun we shall have!

Thank you, Jorgmund! Thank you so much for this useless trash, and for this insult to injury! I am so glad that not only have I been kidnapped by aliens, but now I can't even make contact with my fellow captives without first assuming the most deferential posture of insipidity so as not to *dare* offend the grub-soft gander bulbs of an audience of *presumably* fully-moulted adults! I am ecstatic to know that this is the priority here when this entire world is apparently in shambles!

There's no need to take any time out of your jam packed schedules of huffing each other's nooks just to punish my earlier misgivings! My confidence is so inspired I could just choke myself right here and now!

(( OOC: Feel free to use or not use the network's filter as you please, its wild inconsistency can be convenient and a way to drive Karkat up a wall!
Warnings (mostly that Karkat is a loud jerk) and a link to opt out of his capslock nonsense are in his permissions. ))

turntex

[The wall of text that springs up in the locked network is anonymous, the user just signed as "tg". It's probably obvious anyway to anyone who's talked to Dave a bit, even without his standard obnoxious custom font and shit, but give him a break. This is pure ulfiltered stream of consciousness.]

so ive been thinking
in theory this whole secret secure network is cool and all
like hell yeah got our shit on lockdown we are safe as fuck chatting away here
but im pretty sure most of us still have more reservations than an olive garden during the dinner rush
the waits an hour long and all we can do is sit in this shitty crowded lobby smelling that sweet knockoff italian grub
anyway the guy who put this whole thing together is probably cool and it doesnt seem like anyone code savvy has found anything to be concerned about but it still seems kinda unwise to put certain things in down in writing
like do we really wanna be leaving a metaphorical paper trail of revolutionary evidence just in case this whole program does get blown wide open somehow
and ive seen people stressing over the possibility of untrustworthy fuckers in our midst thatll sell us all out in a heartbeat for an extra pillow
ive been sitting here like shit man what can i even do to actually be useful right now and historically ive had a surplus of flighty broads constantly ready to answer that question
but its not like i can really be all that helpful if i cant even spell out exactly what i might be good for without basically drawing an arrow pointing directly at real life me
the point is maybe were better off talking some shit out in person where were arent leaving a written record and we can kick out anyone that seems sus
i heard the cameras in the training room dont work and it seems like solid info
we could probably orchestrate some stealth convos there or anywhere else that seems off the grid if anyones noticed anything
hell if we wanna get a whole bunch of people together we could probably just sit in a circle and if any staffers poke their heads in and ask about it we just say we put together our own lil group therapy thing
at least half of us are clearly in dire need of it so no one would question it
genius i know
anyway im just spitballing here in an attempt to feel at least a little productive
im open to other ideas just help me out

bringinghopewithme

[After doing everything he can to verify he's locked this correctly, i.e. asking Stacia to check if he did it right, Bunny presses forth with testing Lonestar's claims.]

Well I haven't been interrogated or tortured any more than usual. Do we trust this thing or not?

[EDITED The next day comes an additional video message -]

I realized two things. Some of you rightly guessed I lied about stealing keys from Jorgmund. Some of you pointed out Jorgmund might somehow be smart enough not to take obvious bait. Well -

[He holds up one paw, and twirls a keyring around one digit.]

It's not a lie anymore.

It got me into a closet and now we have - [He re-angles the camera to show: a metal hammer, multi-bit screwdrivers with a wide range of interchangeable bits, an adjustable wrench, a tiny screwdriver set for delicate work, and a small soldering iron.]

Anyone thinks they can do something useful with any of this, come see me. I'm keeping them hidden and I'm not telling any of you where until I know for sure who talks too much and who doesn't.

morebetter

[OOC: Mac's a character who engages in a lot of bigoted opinions and behavior, which may come up in these threads. Please hit me up here if you have any must-avoid topics.]

[Anyone who knows Mac should be concerned that the expression on his face is unambiguously smug. His eyes are alight with that pseudo-manic “I have a great idea” energy that betrays that he does not, in fact, have a great idea, and in fact that any idea he stumbles across is all the worse for having his involvement. When he pops onto the network with the sleeves hacked off his uniform and a rubber ball he’s bouncing off some wall off the screen, he’s all grins, puffed chest, and unearned confidence.

(Un)fortunately or those who don’t know Mac, they’re about to find out exactly why they should be worried whenever he looks like he’s cracked the code.]

Ey-ooo, what’s up, ████? [The swear filter jumps in lightning fast - no seven-second delay here, baby - to bleep out the curse word and briefly smudge a black censored box over his mouth, as “bitches” is not an appropriate term per the Jorgmund Harassment Prevention Protocol.] I’m Mac, and you’re all really lucky I’m here. You’re welcome, you’re welcome.

[Thump, the ball goes off-screen before he fumbles it on the catch. It rolls somewhere off camera and for a moment he considers abandoning his announcement to go get it, then shrugs and returns to his speechifying.]

You’ve all noticed that this job sucks, right? I’ve got a whole list of complaints, but HR keeps telling me to put it in the suggestion box and I’ve put like five copies in and I’m starting to think I’m pretty sure that thing’s a shredder. That’s definitely not going to help us get better food or less itchy clothing or a shower situation where we don’t have to look at women being disgusting with their bodies.

So I’ve been doing some thinking, and I think I’ve come up with the perfect solution. Now, I’m a business-owner myself, so normally I’d be against this thing, but dudes? I really think we should unionize.

Think about it. Once you’re in a union, it’s a law that they have to give you vacations and can’t punish you no matter how bad you ████ up. You don’t even have to ████ up on accident - you can intentionally ruin everything and your employers can’t do ████ because it’s illegal. It’s basically Groucho Marx’s whole manifesto, right? From that book? Power to the people and all that stuff that’s really ████ inconvenient when it’s other people but way convenient when it applies to us right now.

Once we unionize, here’s some stuff that’s automatic. [He starts counting them off on his fingers.] Food that doesn’t taste like it’s older than we are. No more zap collars. Personal showers, you know, available at then end of the week it’d take to build them, I’m not expecting a miracle here. Casual day every day because the only people who benefit from a dress code are nerds. Honestly, there’s literally nothing to lose and so much to gain with a little cooperation.

Now, as the guy who came up with this idea, I think it’s only fair that union dues go to me. Now, I know what you’re thinking - Mac, none of us have cash! - but that’s okay. I’m a reasonable guy an I’m happy to take my lot in favors and gossip. [He wags a finger.] But it has to be interesting and maybe kind of blackmail-worthy. Boring rumors are even worse than regular rumors, because boring rumors are a ████ waste of time.

By the way? I’m doing this out of the goodness of my heart. It turns out I have a really convenient disability and in the eyes of the law, I’m completely untouchable. So chop-chop with the favors.

[This is, for the record, absolutely not locked from the Jorgmund’s eyes, despite Mac’s sincere beliefs that being a “security professional”, “bodyguard” and “impressively detail-oriented guy” has contributed to his planning here.]

tarnishedavenger

[During a lull in the party, Armstrong taps out a quick message to the network. Not that private one, he doesn't trust it. They can answer whenever they like, so long as he gets an answer. The trick would be wording it.]

So, we're all in this for now. You've had your welcome cake, but you can't meet everyone in a party, no matter how hard you try. But, since we've all been encouraged to sign up with Jorgmund, I figured now would be a good time to get some introductions done. Talk about any specialties we might have.

Share information that we feel comfortable sharing. This isn't to pressure anyone or to force out any dark secrets.

[Not where watchful eyes can see, at least.]

Besides, I prefer doing this to making a cute information sharing game.

So, please, make your own threads within this post to keep everything organized.

pathkin

[The screens of the New Hires flicker with a text message. The image of a starburst briefly flashes on the screen, alone in an empty sky.]

[The screen that pops up changes the way the network interface usually looks. It makes it a bit more surreptitious, so that pencilneck looking over their shoulders would think they're using an innocuous data entry program. There's also a panic button in the corner that they can hit to shut their connection down early.]

[The program makes their comms connection even slower, since the network's already running at terrible speed, but at least it's discreet. And resources have been devoted to at least making the panic button shut down fast if they need it.]

[The post is a text post, and where the posters name should be it says: ┖⍟ϗϵ⸈₮αℜ]

Evening, ladies and gents and variations thereupon, the name's Lonestar.

None of us have all day and I'm not the type for melodrama about how big brother's eyes are watching, so I'm going to keep this to the point. I'm a New Hire like you and want us to get out of here as much as most of you all likely want to leave

With these internal shock collars, getting free is most likely going to be difficult. And a long-term, coordinated effort. But to coordinate, we need ways of communicating Jorgmund can't see.

I've created this program to let us encrypt and filter our conversations away from Jorgmund. It just auto uploaded and self-executed to your comms but you can quickly uninstall it any time if you need to be extra cautious.

[A link appears on the screen to some kind of drop box type interface, containing a file.]

That link will let you download the installation file so that it can be saved and dispersed by any New Hires to any future kidnapping victims even if I'm found out and killed.

Locked posts will have a small signifier noting they're locked, an innocuous interface that mimics a notepad application Jorgmund has on our comms, and a panic button to cut off the connection and boot you out of the interface in case a Jorgmund staffer is looking over your shoulder.

However, while it can encrypt our conversations, it can't mask overall network usage so we'll need to keep maintaining non-locked conversations about whatever inane topics make for good public discussion. The resources the encrypted posts use are minimal, so as long as unlocked traffic occurs, it should be able to mask our more discreet conversations.

[That means they must shitpost like their lives depend on it.]

I know that you have good reason to not be inclined to trust me, but the only reason I'm hiding my identity is so any potential snitches can't report me to Jorgmund so I get "fired."

Possibly out of cannon.

The encryption will let any of you go anon, too, in case people want to play spy and drop something useful that Jorgmund would get in a snit about. As much as it'd be helpful to all hold hands and sing happy songs, we don't know if anyone here might brown nose and snitch for their own benefit.

Anon posting and replies can only happen in locked post because Jorgmund doesn't have it enabled on our normal network posts.

Oh, also, there seems to be script for a swearing filter on normal network posts. In locked posts, you can say "fuck" all you want.

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P90: Net

Entries tagged with jack spicer

Birthday Planning! [locked to new hires][yes, all of them!]

[LOCKED][VIDEO] Jorgmund documents

P(aintball) S(ervice) A(nnouncement) [Video]

audio; during the valentine's event

[AUDIO]

[video] [encrypted]

video;

video;

A Clear and Consistent Manner | [locked/encrypted] cw: mention of shock punishment in narration

🛠 001 🛠 [Encoded, Text]

[voice; locked to new hires]

Karkat: Don't Swear [Text]

[text] [locked to new hires only]

[TEXT] [LOCKED TO NEW HIRES ONLY]

Mac Unionizes [Video]

001: Group Introductions - TEXT

001 [TEXT] [LOCKED TO NEW HIRES ONLY]