wheyoftheadept: (Default)
[personal profile] wheyoftheadept

[the feed opens on Saturday’s wide and glacial grin.]


Good morning, Jorgmund!


[the camera pans around, showing the open FOX coffins and the empty, staring bodies within.  It lingers pointedly on the children.  Saturday speaks over it.]


So, guys, this is how they make FOX.  They take people, people like you - from the livable zone, from the settlements, from people who cause trouble or get in their way - and their cut their brains out.  Make them living dead.  Stuff flows in - [she pans up to the tangle of tubes, focusing on the inflowing Stuff] - but since there’s no mind, it can’t turn into anything.  No dreams, no fears, no hates or loves or desires.  It becomes FOX.  [focus on the outflow]


[she resumes steering the camera around, lingering on the slack faces of the victims in their coffins.]


These are people from your world.  Your people.  Your children.  Jorgmund is consuming them, and for what?  To preserve a scrap of a dead world by killing its future!


[the camera flies by a row of child-sized coffins]


Is that worth this?  Would you rather kill children then learn to live in a new world?  ‘Cause you can live in it.


[the camera finally turns away from the coffins, back to her face.  Her gaze is solemn and sincere, almost pleading]


You can.  Not like you did before.  In a new way, maybe a harder way at first, but you can live in this world.  You’ve seen that people can.  All you gotta do is not be afraid of things being new and different.  Having to learn new things, maybe start over from scratch a couple places - is that really the worst thing that could happen?  Worse than this?


[the camera’s pulled back a little as she speaks; when she gestures, you can see the horror at her fingertips]


Even if every single human fucks it up an’ everyone dies, wouldn’t you rather go out - not having been part of this?  You do have the power to stop it.  You are Jorgmund - not the executives, not the shareholders.  


[the camera pulls farther back as she spins, pacing towards the audience, direct and fearless and imploring]


You, the people who run and guard the Rig, who clean the offices, who file the paperwork.  You soldiers, you engineers, you secretaries, you janitors and middle managers.  You have the power here.  If you want this to stop, then stop it.  Everything Jorg has, you gave it.  Take it back, and make a better future.  


Or don’t.  But now you know the truth.  


[She points at them, brandishing a finger like the judgment of god]


So pick a side.


[end transmission]


[[ooc: characters can and should do locked discussions here so plotting is in one place]]

wheyoftheadept: (Default)
[personal profile] wheyoftheadept
[nb: if you are not trapped in the hell town, you can't see this, per mods]

[Saturday's image, when you open the video feed, is faintly green-tinted. This lends a yellowy look to the bright-red stripes on her short-sleeved shirt. She's also wearing jeans overalls, with shorts that end above the knee. It looks like a ten year old's outfit - because it is]

Hi. Hello? Is anyone else out there? I'm with three of us - besides me there's Loken, Kerrigan, and, uh, Guts.

[The camera pans over to the meanst sonuvabitch-looking three-legged junkyard dog you ever saw. Its eyes are unnervingly human.]

Guts is. Not quite himself at the moment. He's still in there, just - did anything like this happen to anyone else? If there is anyone else? Something more then this place dressin' us up funny an' trynna make us read off a script.

And does anyone remember how we got here?
princesspower: (You're the ground my feet won't reach)
[personal profile] princesspower
[ Adora fidgets with her communicator, staring at the screen, her brow furrowed as the video feed starts up. She's in a bed in the infirmary, with some bandaging on her head where she's was previously bleeding from the scalp. She looks tired, mostly. ]

Hey everybody. I just - I guess I wanted to say that I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let myself get taken out like that. Everyone had to deal with that because of me. I screwed up. I won't let it happen again. Uh - I guess that's about it.
bananaclip: (Default)
[personal profile] bananaclip
I've been here a little while and I've read back a lot of the stuff on the network.

Some of you are smart enough that you'll figure out who I am immediately but, I have to ask — really? Really??

You get on this network and you talk about your old lives like no one you know from back where you came from is going to show up and ruin everything for you.

And you talk like you don’t expect these Jorgmund people to hold some of that stuff over your head, either.

I’m sorry, but I’m a lot more private than that. You know? I’m smarter than that. I’m not willing to ruin everything by talking too much.

PS – Anyone who guesses who I am gets one of those shitty beers from the cafeteria dumped over their head. Mind your business.
wheyoftheadept: (Default)
[personal profile] wheyoftheadept
[Saturday looks like hell.  She's showered, at least - her hair is wet and there's a towel around her neck, but her visible skin is covered in scrapes and bandages, and there are bags under her eyes.]

Hi, guys.  Just got back from - well, I'm gonna be real honest here and tell you my own memories are a little fucked. Jorg pulled me right outta medical to run escort on some civvie caravan.  We ran into a Stuff storm.  They tell me it's been like two months?

 [She runs a hand through her hair, wearily.] 

What have I missed?
wherenoonegoes: (Annoyed)
[personal profile] wherenoonegoes
Appearing onscreen is a tall, gangly man who already looks fed up with this entire situation. He's not happy, and for that matter neither is the dragon behind him.]

Hi. Figured this is as good a place to introduce myself as any. I'm Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third, Chief of Berk. The dragon behind me is my best friend, Toothless.

Just to get it out of the way, yes, I have heard every possible joke you could make about that. None of them are funny.

Normally this would be the part where I'd say I'm happy to meet all of you, but my wife gave birth to our daughter two days ago. So while I can certainly think of worse possible times for all this, this one is still pretty high up there.

[LOCKED]

If there are any Legionnaires here, however? Disregard that. I [Toothless nudges Hiccup] We actually are happy to see you.
wheyoftheadept: (Default)
[personal profile] wheyoftheadept
[Saturday is sitting up in an infirmary cot, swaddled in bandages - including her throat.  The tablet is hovering in front of her, near her head, and her heavily bandaged hands are obscured in her lap.  She's focusing fiercely on whatever she's got there, and appears to be typing.

In a moment, the distorted voice of Alexa reads out what she's trying to say.  The speakers on the table are just good enough to hear it, though it sounds reverb-y and echoed.]

 Hey.  Just wanted to join the sickposting club.  It's really fucking boring here -

[The robotic way Alexa breaks 'fucking' into two distinct syllables briefly cracks her up]

 - and I can't talk or even use my hands that much.  Also Alexa keeps correcting my grammar.  Doctor says I am gonna heal up though, one hundred percent.  So, what did I miss?  And does anyone wanna come keep me company?

[Video]

Oct. 21st, 2020 06:04 pm
smallmediumwelldone: (:))
[personal profile] smallmediumwelldone
Good evening.

[There’s a woman speaking, tone clipped. The corporate jumpsuit hangs off her small frame, and her hair is swept up into an old-fashioned bun. Or so it seems - she’s standing a bit away from the screen, and it’s tilted at an odd angle.]

I am given to understand that this is how to contact my new coworkers? My name is Beatrice Brewer, at your service, and I assure you I am quite qualified. I am - was - an apprentice of the fifth circle in, ah, a collection of magi, have experience in a thrilling variety of crises, and am quite keen to get started on - [a heavy sigh, more notable for the fact that someone observant might catch that she doesn’t breathe] - this situation.

[There’s a long pause.]

Drat, is this bloody thing even on? Dreadful place, what sort of dog and pony show are they running, honestly. Stuff? Stuff? Of all the names?
wheyoftheadept: (Default)
[personal profile] wheyoftheadept
[Saturday is rubbing sleep from her face as she talks, hair disheveled and her bunk in the background.  The sounds is slightly unsynced, just enough to be annoying, and the image is tinted purple.  Still, it's coherent]

Hey, crew.  We've all had a real fucking night an' I'm sorry to add more, but this might be useful.  I think I just a clue from like, some kinda supernatural dream-traveling hint-dispenser?  Called themselves Cain and Abel, gave me a choice between a secret and a mystery, I picked mystery 'cause it meant I could tell you guys about it.

Man, I hope this sounds familiar to someone.

It was Cain I talked to, he told me a story about two brothers who uh - fuckin' hell - one killed the other because they were both in love with some invisible chick named Bell but she hadn't picked him.  Their parents thought the one brother just flipped out and did murder for some fuckin' reason, because they thought Belle was fictional?  Someone who knows what they're doing, start asking me some questions because I don't know how this is supposed to be relevant, but the dude said it was and he was for real.  I got some experience an' I know when the dream I'm having didn't come outta my own head.

parannoyed: (012)
[personal profile] parannoyed
[Wash is quickly learning that Jorgmund isn't the hardest to lie to. One of the benefits of working with middle management in a corporation instead of army leadership, he supposes. They bought that the egg stasis containers Wash tampered with were hit by acid spray during battle, and they even bought his excuse for why they failed the mission objective, why he hadn't acted as a "corrector."]

[Nobody died, after all. Wash pointed out that he'd gone into a conflict where they hadn't even assigned a field leader and walked out with everyone alive. And aren't the New Hires a very expensive and difficult to replace asset, as well? Or else they wouldn't have the shock collars to ensure their compliance.]

[Jorgmund had agreed with his assessment and told him his performance was adequate, and that his assessment of the situation was correct.]

[Then they'd shocked him, told him they expected better than "adequate" in the future and that he wasn't supposed to follow through on a correct tactical assessment unless they told him to.]

[Wash can tell they're trying to soften all they're doing with faux benevolence and nice words with everyone else - why call them "New Hires" if not to make what they're doing seem normal and reasonable? He wonders if they're dispensing with that faux softness with him because they know he's competent enough to see right through it - and because they have an extra bit of leverage to ensure his total obedience regardless of what they do to him. It's a daunting prospect, having to work with people that think there's nothing he'll say no to and who know there's more of chance he'll never fight back than some of the other New Hires.]

[But for now, at the very least he gets to keep both his life and the implant, and now he has to focus on continuing to keep them. To do that, he needs this group to be able to meet their mission objectives (and he doesn't dare risk sabotaging that again). And to do that they need to get their act together. It's not their fault that last mission was disorganized and sloppy, it was Jorgmund's for sending a bunch of brand new agents out there with the regulars, with unfamiliar equipment, and having not even met yet.]

[But it's still a problem that needs to be resolved.]

[It'll also be a lot easier to perform to expectations when they're not randomly getting almost-murdered.]

[After the self-executing encrypted code executes (something he won't tell Jorgmund about on the off chance the resistance here is effective enough to actually get them all out, but will keep in his back pocket if needs it) he gathers intel first, quietly lurking and reading.]

[Then he introduces himself like someone who's used to walking into different situations and immediately bossing everyone around, as ones does (if you're a Freelancer, at least). His voice is clipped and a little stiff, but occasionally dips into dry and sardonic.]

I'm Agent Washington. I may have run into some of you on that mission with the aliens...

[A pause.]

From Aliens.

But otherwise I'm new here. I need a sitrep and an overview of your defense plans so I can recommended improvements.

Also, who's in charge here? I know Jorgmund hasn't appointed anyone formally - because I asked - but you had to have made some kind of decision informally.

[Because the alternative is total anarchy and who lives like that??]

Then again, that mission in Pilton was a disaster, so if you haven't chosen a leader internally, why not?

[Look at Judge Judy all up in here.]
xrater: (10)
[personal profile] xrater
So, we have a bit of a decision to make here. I have my preferences, of course, but they may not line up with yours and since they might mean some... dramatic life changes for us, it would be best if I asked you.

Some of you may know many of the security cameras don't work. It's a longstanding problem. Some of you may know why they don't work. (If you don't, the less you know, the better.) I can fix this issue so that the security cameras on the Rig work. All of them. Everywhere. However, with the limited functionality of the computers I'm allowed to use, I can't keep them selectively blind. They'll either work for both Jorgmand and us or not at all. In addition, once I've informed Jorgmund that the problem's been fixed, there's no plausible way for us to go back to enjoying the relative privacy we've had so far.

So, in short, we'd have eyes and could rely both on Security and ourselves to spot anything... amiss, like our attacker moving into action again. But there would be no more blind spots, we'd have to be more careful, or find a way to engineer glitches that won't raise suspicion.

That's option 1.

Option 2 is simple.


Download aliaworkshop062.gif? y/n

[The image is of Alia's workspace, largely spotless and polished to a near mirror-sheen. For those with lots of hope and a fertile imagination, no, this isn't her attempting the one finger selfie challenge. Repent for your sins. No, instead it's a few small robots. Some mechanical worms about four or five inches long, something that looks like segmented snake, and a metallic spider the size of a large tarantula. Only five total.]

Apologies for the low quality image. Jorgmund's communicators are rather substandard. For the past several weeks, I've been allowed a small budget to build useful machines and advance Jorgmund's scientific knowledge. As you can see in the attached image, this is what I have available so far. The other options are either too loud or too large to fit into the ducts without issue. I could build more, easily, but I've used up my allotted budget and couldn't put cameras inside of them.

We can send these on patrols, inspecting various rooms, point them at specific suspects to track, or set to watch specific areas where an attack or an escape may occur. I can explain their use to the R&D heads as field testing, if need be.

With these active, we would maintain our privacy but, as you can see, we would be limited to only five more sets of eyes in addition to our own.

Personally, Option 1 feels like the best choice, but I'm not going to take such a step without consulting the rest of you.
garmr: (pic#13331548)
[personal profile] garmr
[Guts’ voice will be jumping in at the crack of dawn, and he’s pissed.]

If you don’t wanna die in this stinking metal heap, then listen up.

Adora found Setsuna and Tenten after someone tried to kill them. They'll live, but they're in bad shape. Real bad. The guards were useless, as you would expect.

They were attacked in one of the locked halls while we were sleeping, around the west side of the Rig. No one knows who did it, so keep your eyes peeled. Don't wander around alone if you don't have to.

Unless somebody’s got any better ideas, we should mount up a night watch until the bastard is found - in shifts and in pairs. Any of you that can fight and have a sharp eye can chip in. Don’t expect many of us to be getting much sleep, anyway.
toinfinity_andbeyond: (14)
[personal profile] toinfinity_andbeyond
[While Woody needed some time to come to terms with speaking to big people, and more time to test the waters as to how they'd receive him, Buzz has already overcome the hurdle of making first contact, and has longer term plans to set in motion. Woody's comfort keeps him from introducing himself right away, but once his pal has calmed down a little, Buzz doesn't wait around.

His introduction video arrives as encrypted as possible and labeled "for New Hire eyes only," in case anyone was in danger of opening it in front of an employee.

The video is being shot from the communicator installed in Buzz's forearm, and the Uncanny Valley of seeing an action figure speak is unavoidable, well, that's a shame.]


Greetings. I am Buzz Lightyear. I come in peace.

That's a space toy joke.

[He's trying his best to maintain good Space Ranger bearing, but though he's not consumed with anxiety at breaking the non-contact rules the way Woody is, he's still a little nervous.]

As you may have gathered, I am an action figure. [sure it's obvious, but it is the tiny plastic elephant in the room he has to acknowledge.] Under normal circumstances I wouldn't have made myself known but . . . Jorgmund didn't leave me much of a choice. Therefore I've decided to introduce myself and clarify my, uh. Unusual circumstances.

[Gosh he's already embarassed by the masquerade he's going to have to keep up.]

Due to a nonfunctional feature of my model, Jorgmund currently believes I am under the delusion I'm a real Space Ranger. I'm not. They also believe I am loyal to their agenda. I'm not.

[He has to be vague. Brainy would be implicated immediately if it were known that his demo switch no longer worked. This channel may be secure, but not secure enough for him to risk someone else's secret. He can pretend the switch never worked in the first place, and that the drama surrounding it during his interview has been a clever lie of his own all this time.]

If I'm right, this deception may be useful in covert operations against our captors. Therefore I am apologizing in advance for anything . . . mind blowingly stupid I say or do in front of everyone to keep Jorgmund convinced I'm too deluded to question even their substandard ethics.

[If he sounds formal, well, he's being formal. He thought for quite a while about how to make this speech, and longest about how to end it.]

I understand it may be . . . unsettling for some of you to think of a toy as alive. I will do my best to be considerate. I don't know how it feels to be a person. [He thinks he does, because he thought he was one once, but since he never has been, he must not actually know.] But I think I want to see this world saved and all of us safely home again as much as anyone else here could.

[Even with all this planning he still looks a little awkward and uncertain as he picks his closing statement.] This is Buzz Lightyear, out.
onlyordinary: (Mmmm right okay)
[personal profile] onlyordinary
Okay, so... I guess this is on now? Is that what the... damn it.

[Someone sounds Very Tired right now. She has had a really long week and it looks like it's getting longer as she speaks.] Is there anyone part of the Hargreeves family out there? [She pauses, apparently not quite understanding that she's still recording and people can't respond yet, before she heaves a sigh.] Yeah, I figured.

Is there anyone out there at all, or am I just talking to myself?

[Maybe she's officially snapped. Or maybe she died and this is hell. Either one tracks with the week she's had.]

Because I am talking to a block of plastic and I'm feeling pretty ridiculous right now.
rootinest: (002)
[personal profile] rootinest
[It's taken some time for him to sit down and actually try this because every instinct he has is screaming at him that it's not allowed. The rules toys follow aren't just something they choose to follow, they're instinct. Instinct they can fight, certainly - like when he and Sid's toys had scared Sid - but instinct nevertheless.]

[But this is a special circumstance and maybe Buzz has the right idea. One of the big people had been nice to him, sabotaging his back switch so it didn't actually change anything when switched to demo mode.]

[This situation is so much bigger than them, bigger than any other chaotic situation they've ever faced, bigger even than their little prison break at Sunnyside. What's an escape from a daycare compared to an otherdimensional...whatever? A place where magical shock devices have been put inside them and now they're being expected to, what, go on missions? His only job is being huggable and good for playing pretend. How that's supposed to translate to "missions" is beyond him.]

[In any case, it's so big that maybe he and Buzz need a little help from the big people. Or at least for them to know the two toys hanging around are actually alive.]

[But that doesn't mean it's easy to talk to them. He decides to do it first over text. And decides to maybe test the waters a little instead of launching right into "Hi I'm woody, I'm a talking rag doll."]

[The comm is almost as big as he is, so he has to rely on the voice-to-text to type anything because it's so much work hitting all the buttons.]

Hi. Hello. So.

How nonhuman would someone have to be for you all to think they were too weird for you to want to deal with? Asking for a friend.
pasthole: (12)
[personal profile] pasthole
[ Someone makes a post. It's deleted again too quickly to read, but it was definitely riddled with redactions courtesy of the network's filter (which seems to be working today.) A few minutes pass. It happens again, the post is longer and strangely grey, but it's similarly mangled and it's already gone. A third attempt is made, much the same, then... nothing.

Several more minutes tick by. Measured. Thoughtful. Ominous. Will the OP try one more time?

Then it appears: a monstrosity of grey capslock lurches onto the network and this one sticks. The poster's name is apparently Karkat Vantas, and his profile picture fails to yield a face, only a symbol. ]


A lot of unbelievable garbage has happened to me in the last twelve hours, but this? This is it. That anguished sound you hear is the cry of the long-suffering humpbeast that is my patience, its back brutally broken at last by the weight of this final desiccated plant stalk!

I am no stranger to completely stupid communication tools, but this one? This one is truly something special. I am in awe! Do you know how long it took me to get some semblance of control over my text? Do you? I assure you from the bottom of my inflamed bile sponge that you do not!

I was lulled into a sense of false security, naively believing this could not possibly get any worse. I went to post a message! Wow what a moron I must be to have ever supposed that would be easy! Gather round everyone, time to initiate the latest rube to join the idiot carnival! He thinks he can speak his mind without a snotty line of code ripping out his teeth one by one and shoving them right back down his ignorance shaft, what fun we shall have!

Thank you, Jorgmund! Thank you so much for this useless trash, and for this insult to injury! I am so glad that not only have I been kidnapped by aliens, but now I can't even make contact with my fellow captives without first assuming the most deferential posture of insipidity so as not to *dare* offend the grub-soft gander bulbs of an audience of *presumably* fully-moulted adults! I am ecstatic to know that this is the priority here when this entire world is apparently in shambles!

There's no need to take any time out of your jam packed schedules of huffing each other's nooks just to punish my earlier misgivings! My confidence is so inspired I could just choke myself right here and now!


(( OOC: Feel free to use or not use the network's filter as you please, its wild inconsistency can be convenient and a way to drive Karkat up a wall!
Warnings (mostly that Karkat is a loud jerk) and a link to opt out of his capslock nonsense are in his permissions. ))
wheyoftheadept: (Default)
[personal profile] wheyoftheadept
[Anon text, under the name "Quaestor."]

Hey. I can't be the only person who didn't give my full attention to the briefing when I got here; since some information has been recieved recently via a local source about what exactly the fuck is happening in this place, I thought I would compile what I learned here, and people could chime in? Just seems sensible to swap notes; not on our secret squirrel shit but in the general "what is happening and why is it happening to us?" sense.

Locked because my source wasn't supposed to be talking to me about some of these things.

In bullet points, what I've learned:

Read more... )

Sorry if this is old news or difficult to understand. I'm not great at organizing my thoughts, and I figured even if a lot of people know this already, this could be a place to start figuring out what this place's deal is. I have some experience being forcibly bounced around different realities, and the local rules and politics always end up more important than you'd think.

Sorry about the cat.

[So far, everything has gone smoothly, except. Right here, at the bottom. There's a little animated gif of a startled cartoon cat that keeps jumping and rolling backwards, in an endless loop. If she tries to delete it, the program crashes.]
turntex: (Default)
[personal profile] turntex
[The wall of text that springs up in the locked network is anonymous, the user just signed as "tg". It's probably obvious anyway to anyone who's talked to Dave a bit, even without his standard obnoxious custom font and shit, but give him a break. This is pure ulfiltered stream of consciousness.]

so ive been thinking
in theory this whole secret secure network is cool and all
like hell yeah got our shit on lockdown we are safe as fuck chatting away here
but im pretty sure most of us still have more reservations than an olive garden during the dinner rush
the waits an hour long and all we can do is sit in this shitty crowded lobby smelling that sweet knockoff italian grub
anyway the guy who put this whole thing together is probably cool and it doesnt seem like anyone code savvy has found anything to be concerned about but it still seems kinda unwise to put certain things in down in writing
like do we really wanna be leaving a metaphorical paper trail of revolutionary evidence just in case this whole program does get blown wide open somehow
and ive seen people stressing over the possibility of untrustworthy fuckers in our midst thatll sell us all out in a heartbeat for an extra pillow
ive been sitting here like shit man what can i even do to actually be useful right now and historically ive had a surplus of flighty broads constantly ready to answer that question
but its not like i can really be all that helpful if i cant even spell out exactly what i might be good for without basically drawing an arrow pointing directly at real life me
the point is maybe were better off talking some shit out in person where were arent leaving a written record and we can kick out anyone that seems sus
i heard the cameras in the training room dont work and it seems like solid info
we could probably orchestrate some stealth convos there or anywhere else that seems off the grid if anyones noticed anything
hell if we wanna get a whole bunch of people together we could probably just sit in a circle and if any staffers poke their heads in and ask about it we just say we put together our own lil group therapy thing
at least half of us are clearly in dire need of it so no one would question it
genius i know
anyway im just spitballing here in an attempt to feel at least a little productive
im open to other ideas just help me out
bringinghopewithme: (springtime on EVERY CONTINENT)
[personal profile] bringinghopewithme
[After doing everything he can to verify he's locked this correctly, i.e. asking Stacia to check if he did it right, Bunny presses forth with testing Lonestar's claims.]

Well I haven't been interrogated or tortured any more than usual. Do we trust this thing or not?

[EDITED The next day comes an additional video message -]

I realized two things. Some of you rightly guessed I lied about stealing keys from Jorgmund. Some of you pointed out Jorgmund might somehow be smart enough not to take obvious bait. Well -

[He holds up one paw, and twirls a keyring around one digit.]

It's not a lie anymore.

It got me into a closet and now we have - [He re-angles the camera to show: a metal hammer, multi-bit screwdrivers with a wide range of interchangeable bits, an adjustable wrench, a tiny screwdriver set for delicate work, and a small soldering iron.]

Anyone thinks they can do something useful with any of this, come see me. I'm keeping them hidden and I'm not telling any of you where until I know for sure who talks too much and who doesn't.

[video]

May. 7th, 2020 02:06 am
greyaria: (047)
[personal profile] greyaria
[Emily isn't wearing the ugly blue jumpsuit. She is instead wearing ugly blue scrubs, and judging by the background, she's in the Infirmary. And she's smiling. Emily is always. Smiling.]

Is there anyone out there with an injury or chronic medical condition that was untreatable in your home universe? I have robotics lab and medical access now. Come on by and we'll see about sorting that out! Or just come by for a checkup! I don't discriminate!

[She should probably set expectations properly, huh? Her good cheer goes from disconcerting to almost normal as she adds her caveat.]

The equipment is, hmm, vintage and I don't promise I can fix everything, especially if your biochemistry is out there compared to humans, but it seems like I'm from the future [she makes wiggly finger gestures, which are apparently supposed to signal...something] relative to quite a few of you, so that's an extra few centuries of medical knowledge. Might as well put it to good use!

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