[Video] [locked to the New Hires]

[toinfinity_andbeyond]

[While Woody needed some time to come to terms with speaking to big people, and more time to test the waters as to how they'd receive him, Buzz has already overcome the hurdle of making first contact, and has longer term plans to set in motion. Woody's comfort keeps him from introducing himself right away, but once his pal has calmed down a little, Buzz doesn't wait around.

His introduction video arrives as encrypted as possible and labeled "for New Hire eyes only," in case anyone was in danger of opening it in front of an employee.

The video is being shot from the communicator installed in Buzz's forearm, and the Uncanny Valley of seeing an action figure speak is unavoidable, well, that's a shame.]

Greetings. I am Buzz Lightyear. I come in peace.

That's a space toy joke.

[He's trying his best to maintain good Space Ranger bearing, but though he's not consumed with anxiety at breaking the non-contact rules the way Woody is, he's still a little nervous.]

As you may have gathered, I am an action figure. [sure it's obvious, but it is the tiny plastic elephant in the room he has to acknowledge.] Under normal circumstances I wouldn't have made myself known but . . . Jorgmund didn't leave me much of a choice. Therefore I've decided to introduce myself and clarify my, uh. Unusual circumstances.

[Gosh he's already embarassed by the masquerade he's going to have to keep up.]

Due to a nonfunctional feature of my model, Jorgmund currently believes I am under the delusion I'm a real Space Ranger. I'm not. They also believe I am loyal to their agenda. I'm not.

[He has to be vague. Brainy would be implicated immediately if it were known that his demo switch no longer worked. This channel may be secure, but not secure enough for him to risk someone else's secret. He can pretend the switch never worked in the first place, and that the drama surrounding it during his interview has been a clever lie of his own all this time.]

If I'm right, this deception may be useful in covert operations against our captors. Therefore I am apologizing in advance for anything . . . mind blowingly stupid I say or do in front of everyone to keep Jorgmund convinced I'm too deluded to question even their substandard ethics.

[If he sounds formal, well, he's being formal. He thought for quite a while about how to make this speech, and longest about how to end it.]

I understand it may be . . . unsettling for some of you to think of a toy as alive. I will do my best to be considerate. I don't know how it feels to be a person. [He thinks he does, because he thought he was one once, but since he never has been, he must not actually know.] But I think I want to see this world saved and all of us safely home again as much as anyone else here could.

[Even with all this planning he still looks a little awkward and uncertain as he picks his closing statement.] This is Buzz Lightyear, out.

Comments

[wheyoftheadept]

you're saying we got a mole?

fucking fantastic. my name's saturday, let's talk strategy.

text

[toinfinity_andbeyond]

[Oh that's the term, isn't it? Buzz's latent kid-appropriate ranger training wasn't supplying it. But cool, now he knows.]

Yes. Are you comfortable discussing in person?

[That same latent training is telling him, though, that secure network or not, the less he commits to a permanent record the safer he and his cohorts will be at spying.]

Re: text

[wheyoftheadept]

absolutely. i know a reasonably secure spot, kinda small but with your size that shouldn't be a problem. away from eyes and ears. tell me where you are and i'll come pick you up? that seems fastest.

[saturday means no disrespect whatsoever, she's trying to be practical and considerate of his size]

text

[toinfinity_andbeyond]

[Buzz really wants to brag that he has a fully functional jetpack and is super fast now, but it does make too much logistical sense to turn down an offer of a pickup from someone who knows the area.]

Very well. I'm in the library. Come in and ask for "A Tale of Two Cities" and I'll follow you at an unsuspicious distance.

Re: text

[wheyoftheadept]

[for a moment, saturday considers just telling him about the cameras; then she thinks again. jorg doesn't know what they're doing, but she does. that's their advantage right now. so use best practices]

gotcha.

[she logs off and makes her way to the library]

[gempathizing]

So you're Buzz! It's great to meet you! My name is Steven. And I'll make sure I keep your situation in mind whenever we cross paths. I'd hate to be the one to blow your cover.

[ He's going to join what he's positive is a pre-existing "protect these action figures to the very end" squad. ]

I don't think there's a universal "what counts as being a person" standard, though. Just for the record. You're probably more person than you think.

[toinfinity_andbeyond]

You must have already met Woody. [How else would someone already know his name?] Your consideration is appreciated.

However I can assure you, aside from some recent upgrades, I am made entirely of plastic. There is no confusion as to whether or not I am a toy.

[Not anymore. Hopefully not ever again. Having to accept that truth even once was hard enough.]

[gempathizing]

I did meet him! And, uh. Yes. I guess I just never thought of plastic and people as mutually exclusive?

[ If Steven sounds confused, it's because....... he is. Even if most of his friends and family weren't sentient rocks with bodies made of light, this is a thought process he would stand by just on the principle of Buzz talking to him. Truly the classic catch-22. ]

[toinfinity_andbeyond]

I suppose a cyborg or a robot person could have plastic components. That would make sense.

[Maybe he can feel a little less silly about once upon a time thinking he was a person. Many people here seem to be having trouble with it.]

[gempathizing]

Oh, maybe. I actually can't say I've ever met a cyborg or a robot person, so I'm probably not qualified to make that call. All my experience with non-organic lifeforms kinda starts and ends with Gems.

Not that I'm complaining about getting to meet someone new!

text

[credit_not_blame]

Nice to meet you, Buzz. Do you want to lay out any code words we should use if we hear or see Jorgs approaching, or do you have superior-to-human senses?

text

[toinfinity_andbeyond]

[Gosh thats the coolest thing he's ever read.]

Excellent thinking. A code word will be useful. Let's try "cogs" for now, and change in a few days or as necessary.

I think my senses are approximately equal to a person's. I've had no way to verify.

[otherwise he'd think to mention his vague sense of "people are coming" that activates his play-inanimate response.]

Re: text

[credit_not_blame]

"Cogs" it is!

I've got some tips for being the (relatively) small, sneaky person in my group back home if you want them. I don't think I have many tips for going undercover; I'm not sure my "hapless and nonthreatening white girl" routine would work for you.

Oh, except "remember not to roll your eyes". That's a big one.

text

[toinfinity_andbeyond]

That's kind of you to offer. Usually my undercover strategy is to pretend not to be alive, but that won't work here. But not to worry. I'm very good at keeping a straight face.

Re: text

[credit_not_blame]

When you're sneaking around, either stay high or stay low. Unless they're specifically trained, humans mostly look around at eye-level. So if you stay above it, or stay low below it, then they'll miss you. Especially if you stay still, which I bet you're REALLY good at.

[Video]

[onlyordinary]

[This human doesn't look quite right when she turns on her video. Her skin is too pale and her irises are bright white. It gives her the appearance of being sick.]

If you're smart enough to trick them and independent enough to decide what's right and wrong, you're a person in all the ways that matter.

[She wants to believe it. To believe otherwise would be to believe her mother wasn't a person, and as many doubts as she may have about her mother's personhood, she wants to believe in it.]

Is there any way we can help you?

Text

[toinfinity_andbeyond]

[Buzz doesn't understand the comment. Matters to who? Is there a way to be a person that doesn't matter?

The pale girl must be confused.]

I assure you, I'm not pretending to be anything I'm not. I was built in a factory in Taiwan. I may have a working laser now, but until today, it was just an LED.

[Is this going to be a struggle many of them have? Believing that he's just a tiny person who pretends to be a toy because it's a convenient cover? Maybe that's understandable. After all, he was mistaken in believing he was a person for really far too long.]

Right now, you can help me best by pretending we've never spoken. When I know for certain what Jorgmund intends to have me do, I may have a better answer for you.

[Video]

[onlyordinary]

No, I get that you're a toy. Being born from a human mother and father and being made of skin and bone isn't what makes a person.

[It better not, because not even Vanya meets all those criteria.]

Alright. I'll pretend I only know about you from what your friend told me.

[text]

[toinfinity_andbeyond]

Right. Being a person does.

[So where are they missing each other here? Buzz isn't sure.]

We have a cover story. He's sticking close to me to jog my memory, and I'm sticking close to him because Space Ranger Buzz believes he's a spy for the evil Emperor Zurg.

[It sounds ridiculous even as he explains it from the outside, but hey, Jorgmund believes it and it lets him still hang around his buddy in this deeply uncertain and stressful situation, so that's all that matters.]

In any case I appreciate your offer to help. We're not used to working with people. This is all very new to both of us and you're being very considerate.

[He's doing his best, too! That's why he keeps responding to everyone in text, since horror movies have made it clear that for humans, seeing dolls and action figures moving like people is very unsettling.]

[Video]

[onlyordinary]

Wait, how do you define being a person?

[Because she thinks they're talking past each other here and she's confused.

And... yeah, this sounds ridiculous. But hey, it's no more ridiculous than falling through a wormhole into a giant vehicle thing run by authoritarian worker bees and staffed with aliens and toys.]

Don't mention it. I think a lot of this stuff is new for everyone. It probably goes without saying, but I haven't really talked to toys before.

[Besides her teddy bear, but that doesn't count because he (probably) isn't alive.]

text

[cachedout]

Ooh, head games with the corp. Turns out I don't have that kind of patience, but I admire the play.

I take it you're pals with the other guy?

text

[toinfinity_andbeyond]

I don't think it's optional for me. If they found out their attempts to reset me didn't work, I suspect they'd try harder. I can't risk them succeeding.

[and then there's the consequences they'd likely level on Brainy, too. Nope, this deception is hardly an act of patience, when he has his own identity AND an ally's safety to protect.]

I am. Best pals, in fact, but I'd appreciate it if everyone tried not to remind Jorgmund that we are still friends. I'm not supposed to know him right now.

[cachedout]

[ Cayde is just ever so slightly slow to respond. ]

They tried that with me. But as luck may have it, I'm as mechanically complicated as I am stubborn.

[text]

[toinfinity_andbeyond]

They did?

[Someone wears the same Forced Amnesia hat as Buzz? It inspires a sense of kinship, but certainly not comfort.]

How did you manage to evade them?

[cachedout]

One of the few upsides to running on lost technology is I was too fiddly for them to figure out how to try while they were implanting the nanochain. A friend on the crew's volunteered to help keep me running so they don't get another chance.

[ So runs the theory. So they hope. ]

Honestly, it's better for them they're dealing with this me than whatever me they'd get out of that. I'm pissed, sure, but I've had a couple hundred years to learn some subtlety.

Can't promise what a fresh me would do.

[ Well. That got serious for a second there. And it's not getting less serious. ]

Anyway. I'm Cayde-6. I'm an exo. Nobody here seems to have exos back home, so here's the rundown of what's generally public knowledge: I was squishy and human once. I'm a robot now. The 6 is how many times I was reset before humanity forgot how to do that.