[video]

[ownperson]

[ The woman on the video may look somewhat familiar; it's the shape of her face, the ice blue of her eyes, the blonde of her hair, her height. South and her brother aren't identical, of course, but the family resemblance is clearer than she'd like it to be.

(More than ever, these days; who wants to look in your own reflection and see your dead brother's features looking back at you?)

She's shoved the sleeves of her coveralls as far up her arms as she can get them, revealing a variety of tattoos up one of her muscled arms. There's hints of old purple dye in the front of her hair. Around her neck there's a puck, dangling from a chain, holding a chip of some kind.

She looks... pissed. ]

So this ████ing sucks donkey— [She blinks, then squints.] Oh for ████'s sake, I can't even ████ing swear? ████. ████. ████ing ████-████ ████████████.

[ There's a pause of a few seconds before South visibly decides to test this thing's limits. ]

████trumpet. Bull████. ████biscuit. Dip████. ████face. Jack███. Fuck██████— ha, ████ed that one up.

Ugh, whatever. My name's South. Yes, that's a ████ing codename, no, I'm not telling you my real name. Guess I'm stuck here with the rest of... whoever the hell you guys are. Which ████ing sucks.

[ Not that things didn't suck where she came from, but at least she was something resembling free and kind of in control of how much stuff sucked. Call her old fashioned, but she'd much rather ruin her own life than have someone else do it for her. ]

Comments

[ownperson]

[ South chokes on a humourless laugh. Fuck, why couldn't he just be angry? Why did he always have to be like this, be the calm one, be the better person?

This would be so much easier if he were angry. ]

Do you? [ Her voice is low, barely steady. ] Do you really, Drew?

[ No, it didn't go exactly like Wash claims; she remembers what happened, she remembers the choice she made, she remembers the second she decided that she was done. But North didn't even know that she was still working with the Project almost the entire time they were on the run together.

So how can he know for sure when she barely even knows herself, anymore? ]

[bothbarrels]

[ He looks at her steadily, unflinchingly. ]

No.

[ It's said very quietly. No, he doesn't know. He knows she's capable of making this kind of choice, were the circumstances just right. ]

But you know what? I don't even want to know. So don't tell me. I'd rather just...be the way we were. All right?

[ownperson]

[ South stares at him, unblinking and jaw slack, for a good ten seconds before she's on her feet and gesticulating wildly as she shouts loud enough anyone nearby could probably hear: ]

Are you fucking kidding me?! I can't fucking believe you, you— you—

[ She pivots and slams her fist against the nearest surface, barely even flinching at the reverberations of pain up her arm. ]

Be the way we were?! What fucking 'were' are you talking about, huh? How we were when in the months I spent following you trying to get you to give up that stupid AI so we could leave, whilst trying to decide if I should just cut my fucking losses and turn you in?! How we were during the years at the fucking Project where you fucking ignored every bullshit decision that went in your favour?!

[ The next burst of laughter is hysteric and dark at once. ]

I just all but told you I let you die and you— you—

[bothbarrels]

[ He rises as well, and catches her arm after the punch. ]

I said not to do that.

[ He pauses, gripping her arm firmly. They had spent enough time together alone in the aftermath of the Project's collapse that he knows she'll know the expression that flashes across his face next—he's having a quick and private conversation with Theta.

He looks her in the face after that and releases her arm. ]

You know? I don't—

[ A long pause ensues after that, another flash of that expression on his face. ]

Yes, Theta, I...

But I...

Fuck.

[ He sits back down on the bed, heavily. ]

Theta, that was an ultimatum. You can't give ultimatums.

[ He lowers his head into his hands. ]

Because you can't.

[ He knows South's still there...he just can't handle discussing things with both of them at once. ]

[ownperson]

[ South blinks at him. ]

Really? Fucking— really? In the middle of—? Fucking god's sake, I should've fucking known.

[ She pivots and storms to the end of the room, where she stops to scream into her hands with frustration. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ His head remains down through that, but he looks up at her afterward. ]

Natasha. We need to hash this out but we need to do it later. I'm sorry.

[ Theta immediately points out to him that he's apologizing to her about it after basically learning that it's true she put him in harm's way.

He sighs.

I can't push her away, okay? Not completely. ]

[ownperson]

[ She turns back and all but snarls. ]

Later? Later?! Why, because you've got to fucking comfort that fucking lightbulb that matters to you more than our entire fucking relationship?! I cannot believe you!

[ That's a lie, really. She should have known this was how it would go. She should have known he'd try this, try to pretend everything was okay. He spent years doing it, why would anything change now? ]

This is why I fucking gave up, Andrew! Years of this!

[bothbarrels]

[ North rises again.

And that's it. He's just looking at her.

He doesn't know what to do, what to say. He's explained Theta to her a thousand times, and she obviously didn't absorb a bit of it.

After a bit of that, he looks away, toward the wall across from him. ]

Okay. Go, then.

[ It hasn't quite hit him yet, but it will momentarily. What's happening here. What it means. ]

[ownperson]

[ Even after everything she said, the words wind her. ]

...that's it, huh?

[ She should have known. She should have known. He'll always choose the damn AI over her, he always did. A bundle of code matters more to him than his own twin and she shouldn't be surprised, but fuck, that doesn't make it sting any less. ]

That's fucking it. After fucking everything, just 'go'.

[bothbarrels]

[ Now it starts to hit him. She's taking this as a final farewell and a choice being made.

Thing is, he's not sure it's the wrong one.

So he keeps standing there, looking at the wall. ]

That's all I have to say for now.

[ownperson]

...yeah. Right. Fucking course it is.

[ Wetness burns her eyes and she looks away, swiping at her face. She won't cry in front of him, over him. She won't, she can't.

She stands there for a straight ten seconds, not even looking at him, before she finally walks past him toward the doorway. Pauses, in the threshold, barely glancing back over her shoulder. ]

I coulda fucking turned you in any time, y'know. But I thought... [ She swallows. ] I don't know what I fucking thought.

[ There are worse words in her head, on the tip of her tongue, but she bites them back, for once. It won't make him say what she wants him to say, won't make him snap like she wants him to snap.

So she leaves. Walks out of the room before her shoulders can start to shake, before she can show any more signs of weakness. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ He doesn't let his eyes settle on her as she goes by, merely sitting down again on the cot afterwards.

And after she leaves, he swings around onto the bed and lies down. It's time for a long conversation with Theta.

Falling apart will come later. ]

[ownperson]

[ It's not until later that she realises where she's supposed to spend the night. It's like some sick joke and she'd laugh, if she wasn't so emotionally drained.

She doesn't go back to the room that night, because she thinks it might break her and she doesn't want to break.

So she spends the night on a common room couch and tells herself that she's fine, she's okay with being alone, she's okay with losing her brother a second time, even as tears create a wet patch on the material beneath her head. ]