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[VIDEO] A formal apology
- trigger warning for: mentions of psychological torture, war crimes, and self-harm/suicide -
[Alright, so...Apology video it is. No one ever bothered to ask him his perspective, and sure he tried to tell York but he wasn't really listening. Washington and South didn't even give him the time to say anything, really, and just attacked him physically. This video is for the freelancers too, but he figures this is going to be useful to get the sympathies of other hires who have nothing to do with the events and are now being warned about him as if he's some kind of monster or someone who everyone is too good to talk to. That is just unfair.
So here he is, making a video, wearing a white shirt he would use to sleep rather than his uniform because wearing white helps the viewers perceive him as more innocent than usual. He's trying to look unkempt, to give off a more genuine vibe, but being perfectly shaven and looking fresh as a rose doesn't help much - people should get their priorities straight and ask him to drop his skincare routine instead of being upset over petty matters. Oh well, time to start. He forces himself to give the screen a slightly pained expression as he commences.]
Good afternoon, everyone.
I am the former Counselor of Project Freelancer. My name is Aiden Price.
[His lips compress and curl downwards in genuine dismay as he is not comfortable with having a name, at this point. He's perfectly aware that others, by now, are surely weirded out and thinking 'ew why does IT have a name?'. The dehumanization has got to him to the point he gladly does it to himself, clearly he's the victim here.]
For some of you, the situation I am going to adress now is from many years ago, but a select few still have fresh wounds. In fact, the reason why I waited to make this apology was that I did not want to diminish their perspective, in no way whatsoever I intend to invalidate their feelings and I acknowledge my role in the actions that damaged them to such extent. I am sure that my Agents have already shared their side of the story, and if you haven't got to witness it I invite you to do so because it is very important to listen to both sides.
[Totally not a jab at the freelancer for how much they like to bitch without giving him the time to say anything because 'it's a manipulation';. This IS a manipulation, mind you, but still. Rude.]
As you may have heard, Project Freelancer was an organization with the aim of ending the Great War to save our species through the study and usage of advanced technology, namely armour enhancements and Artificial Intelligence to run them. This was a noble purpose, and it was the reason why I signed up to partake when I was assigned to the project. Our Director, Doctor Leonard Church - may he rest in peace - was granted an AI based on himself, the Alpha. Our leaderboard system was important as it determined that only the best our agents was going to obtain the AI to run their equipment, because we cared about the protocol and didn't want our most important asset to fall in enemy hands. All was well, until...Someone else came into the picture.
[His expression darkens, mostly for show.]
Agent Texas was different from her teammates. Not only she was an Artificial Intelligence, she was a byproduct of the Alpha. She split off him. We did not even know such thing was possible, at the time. She was based on the memory of Allison Church, the Director's deceased wife, a ghost come back to haunt him. The Director was struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation ever since he lost her many years before and had to raise their daughter alone, and seeing her again caused a quick decline of his already poor mental state. At first, I wasn't able to notice it: he said that that event made him understand that it was possible to create fragments, and that he wanted to study further so that we could have more to win the war. We spent many days trying to figure out what was the key factor, and one day I found out. The key factor was trauma, and...
[It's not in character for him to cry, so he can't do it, but he can have his voice break just a little bit and then clear his throat to make it look like he's forcing himself to regain composure after a moment of emotion.]
I told him. I told him that perhaps we could obtain another one by inducing Dissociative Identity Disorder. It was a hypothesis, and I wasn't even sure it was going to succeed. It was just a hypothesis, by then, and I couldn't possibly know that we would have gotten to this point, but...I remember to this day the way his eyes lit up. He was almost excited to try it, and ordered that I went through with it.
[He swallows audibly, pretending to fidget nervously]
I pointed out the ethical issues, but he insisted, because it would have been a very important discovery. A characteristic of AI that the world, that the galaxy at large needed to know. He said he just wanted to know if it was possible, and so I gave in and complied. We worked closely during the process, and he seemed fine, explained me very eagerly all the ways I could hurt or trigger the Alpha, and our experiment succeeded.
...I know, [he raises his hands defensively] I shouldn't have. I deeply regret it, but I thought it was going to be an isolated incident. I had hoped it was, as I felt...[What's that word that whiny empaths love, anyway?] Dirty, afterwards. Upon his request to repeat the experiment, I voiced my objections, but he overruled me and even if I didn't partake personally he ran simulations to break the Alpha by himself, in hopes to figure out a way to win the war and to turn the Beta AI into an exact copy of his wife to be with her again. I was threatened with violence, and I was afraid to leave the project because the situation had already spiraled as he sent our agents on missions to steal more material to use in the process, and I was going to be deemed responsible for it as well due to my position. Certainly it was not safe for me to report anything to the authorities...
[A little self-defeating scoff, to spice things up. It's like he's painting a masterpiece.]
Of course, I am aware that this doesn't erase the damage done and I am so sorry that my Agents are traumatized and upset over this. Agent Connecticut had sensed that the project's priorities have shifted and was the first to betray us, not without reason, as a way to put a stop to those atrocities. The Director's mental state got even worse, and he started becoming more and more violent towards me. I understood that he was under severe stress as he was afraid that being exposed would erase all the progress made so far, and he kept making fragments. As I said earlier, the Alpha AI was based on the Director, and hurting the Alpha was a form of self harm for him. Not to mention that he either dedicated his time to self harming or to trying to recreate his dead wife.
You cannot imagine how hard it was to watch a man that I admired slowly destroy himself and to be unable to help, despite wanting to - I was forced to make his health worse despite wanting to help him. The whole project at large with all its members was the closest thing to a family that I got to experience, and I wanted to be there for them, but I was forced to harm them, until the AI fragments Sigma and Epsilon broke the minds of their assigned agents and everyone started killing each other. At that point I was forced to push everyone even harder. All of them, the Director, the agents, the AI...Our original goals were so cemented when we started that we searched for soldiers with a difficult past and made our offer so that they could have a second chance, I would have never imagined it to end up like this.
[He makes a little sob 'escape'.]
As a counselor who was supposed to help people, this is my biggest failure and my deepest shame. I did serve my time in prison, after being arrested by the UNSC, but I understand that I will never pay enough for it, especially since some time after our separation the Director lost his battle against depression and took his life. I was alone against everyone and everything, and I...I didn't have the strength, but I should have been stronger and capable of putting a stop to this tragedy by myself. I understand if you don't want to forgive me. I just would like you to know that I am deeply sorry.
Thank you for listening.
[Alright, so...Apology video it is. No one ever bothered to ask him his perspective, and sure he tried to tell York but he wasn't really listening. Washington and South didn't even give him the time to say anything, really, and just attacked him physically. This video is for the freelancers too, but he figures this is going to be useful to get the sympathies of other hires who have nothing to do with the events and are now being warned about him as if he's some kind of monster or someone who everyone is too good to talk to. That is just unfair.
So here he is, making a video, wearing a white shirt he would use to sleep rather than his uniform because wearing white helps the viewers perceive him as more innocent than usual. He's trying to look unkempt, to give off a more genuine vibe, but being perfectly shaven and looking fresh as a rose doesn't help much - people should get their priorities straight and ask him to drop his skincare routine instead of being upset over petty matters. Oh well, time to start. He forces himself to give the screen a slightly pained expression as he commences.]
Good afternoon, everyone.
I am the former Counselor of Project Freelancer. My name is Aiden Price.
[His lips compress and curl downwards in genuine dismay as he is not comfortable with having a name, at this point. He's perfectly aware that others, by now, are surely weirded out and thinking 'ew why does IT have a name?'. The dehumanization has got to him to the point he gladly does it to himself, clearly he's the victim here.]
For some of you, the situation I am going to adress now is from many years ago, but a select few still have fresh wounds. In fact, the reason why I waited to make this apology was that I did not want to diminish their perspective, in no way whatsoever I intend to invalidate their feelings and I acknowledge my role in the actions that damaged them to such extent. I am sure that my Agents have already shared their side of the story, and if you haven't got to witness it I invite you to do so because it is very important to listen to both sides.
[Totally not a jab at the freelancer for how much they like to bitch without giving him the time to say anything because 'it's a manipulation';. This IS a manipulation, mind you, but still. Rude.]
As you may have heard, Project Freelancer was an organization with the aim of ending the Great War to save our species through the study and usage of advanced technology, namely armour enhancements and Artificial Intelligence to run them. This was a noble purpose, and it was the reason why I signed up to partake when I was assigned to the project. Our Director, Doctor Leonard Church - may he rest in peace - was granted an AI based on himself, the Alpha. Our leaderboard system was important as it determined that only the best our agents was going to obtain the AI to run their equipment, because we cared about the protocol and didn't want our most important asset to fall in enemy hands. All was well, until...Someone else came into the picture.
[His expression darkens, mostly for show.]
Agent Texas was different from her teammates. Not only she was an Artificial Intelligence, she was a byproduct of the Alpha. She split off him. We did not even know such thing was possible, at the time. She was based on the memory of Allison Church, the Director's deceased wife, a ghost come back to haunt him. The Director was struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation ever since he lost her many years before and had to raise their daughter alone, and seeing her again caused a quick decline of his already poor mental state. At first, I wasn't able to notice it: he said that that event made him understand that it was possible to create fragments, and that he wanted to study further so that we could have more to win the war. We spent many days trying to figure out what was the key factor, and one day I found out. The key factor was trauma, and...
[It's not in character for him to cry, so he can't do it, but he can have his voice break just a little bit and then clear his throat to make it look like he's forcing himself to regain composure after a moment of emotion.]
I told him. I told him that perhaps we could obtain another one by inducing Dissociative Identity Disorder. It was a hypothesis, and I wasn't even sure it was going to succeed. It was just a hypothesis, by then, and I couldn't possibly know that we would have gotten to this point, but...I remember to this day the way his eyes lit up. He was almost excited to try it, and ordered that I went through with it.
[He swallows audibly, pretending to fidget nervously]
I pointed out the ethical issues, but he insisted, because it would have been a very important discovery. A characteristic of AI that the world, that the galaxy at large needed to know. He said he just wanted to know if it was possible, and so I gave in and complied. We worked closely during the process, and he seemed fine, explained me very eagerly all the ways I could hurt or trigger the Alpha, and our experiment succeeded.
...I know, [he raises his hands defensively] I shouldn't have. I deeply regret it, but I thought it was going to be an isolated incident. I had hoped it was, as I felt...[What's that word that whiny empaths love, anyway?] Dirty, afterwards. Upon his request to repeat the experiment, I voiced my objections, but he overruled me and even if I didn't partake personally he ran simulations to break the Alpha by himself, in hopes to figure out a way to win the war and to turn the Beta AI into an exact copy of his wife to be with her again. I was threatened with violence, and I was afraid to leave the project because the situation had already spiraled as he sent our agents on missions to steal more material to use in the process, and I was going to be deemed responsible for it as well due to my position. Certainly it was not safe for me to report anything to the authorities...
[A little self-defeating scoff, to spice things up. It's like he's painting a masterpiece.]
Of course, I am aware that this doesn't erase the damage done and I am so sorry that my Agents are traumatized and upset over this. Agent Connecticut had sensed that the project's priorities have shifted and was the first to betray us, not without reason, as a way to put a stop to those atrocities. The Director's mental state got even worse, and he started becoming more and more violent towards me. I understood that he was under severe stress as he was afraid that being exposed would erase all the progress made so far, and he kept making fragments. As I said earlier, the Alpha AI was based on the Director, and hurting the Alpha was a form of self harm for him. Not to mention that he either dedicated his time to self harming or to trying to recreate his dead wife.
You cannot imagine how hard it was to watch a man that I admired slowly destroy himself and to be unable to help, despite wanting to - I was forced to make his health worse despite wanting to help him. The whole project at large with all its members was the closest thing to a family that I got to experience, and I wanted to be there for them, but I was forced to harm them, until the AI fragments Sigma and Epsilon broke the minds of their assigned agents and everyone started killing each other. At that point I was forced to push everyone even harder. All of them, the Director, the agents, the AI...Our original goals were so cemented when we started that we searched for soldiers with a difficult past and made our offer so that they could have a second chance, I would have never imagined it to end up like this.
[He makes a little sob 'escape'.]
As a counselor who was supposed to help people, this is my biggest failure and my deepest shame. I did serve my time in prison, after being arrested by the UNSC, but I understand that I will never pay enough for it, especially since some time after our separation the Director lost his battle against depression and took his life. I was alone against everyone and everything, and I...I didn't have the strength, but I should have been stronger and capable of putting a stop to this tragedy by myself. I understand if you don't want to forgive me. I just would like you to know that I am deeply sorry.
Thank you for listening.
Re: video
Oh, Agent Carolina! It's good to see you back just in time for one of your dramatic entrances.
The leaderboard system, as I said earlier, was merely a measure to determine which of our agents were more suitable to handle important assets. That is hardly a crime, I'm afraid. It is sad that you felt mistrust and paranoia towards your peers, but I will apologize for that too if it makes you feel better.
I have addressed the unfortunate shift in the project's priorities. It did impact everything, including the missions, the failures and the casualties that came with it. It was a horrible crime and I am truly sorry for it.
[Or at least, he's sorry that he got caught. Everyone talks to him as if he wasn't interested in winning the war and didn't pester the Director about it. Just because the Director was STUPID, it didn't mean that he himself had stupid goals and that he didn't want to also do good things with the project.]
As for your father, the Director, I believe it is best if we discuss him in private...
no subject
Or me.
[ Challenge seen and accepted, asshole. She doesn't care. Tell them. ]
I don't believe you're sorry, I don't accept this apology, and I would thank you kindly to stay the hell out of my way and away from my team.
no subject
[He echoes. Oh Carolina, honey, you fucked up.]
Very well, then. Let us speak in hypothetical terms, then, since you are not comfortable accepting what I have to say as truthful.
What if [he can barely hide his delighted expression as he's going to deliberately stab in every single wound he can think of] the Director did all of this for you? Because he didn't feel worthy of you, because you were too similar to your mother for him to handle, and he wasn't feeling capable of raising you properly.
What if he avoided you because he was afraid to get attached and lose you as well, to lose you in the very same way he lost your mother?
What if I saw him overwork himself everyday, but especially during the holidays because of painful memories? What if I told him to go celebrate with you, with his family, and he said that he had already lost and failed you?
What if he wanted to bring back your mother because she would have known what to do, and how to care for you?
What if I tried to convince him that it wasn't his fault that your mother died and he wanted me to believe otherwise, to blame it on him as the simulations to break the Alpha were running?
What if said simulations got out of hand, and I was worried for him and told him to stop it? What if I saw him self harm and hurt his own, physical body whenever I prevented him from hurting himself through the Alpha?
These are just a few, Agent Carolina. I have others.
no subject
[ One might expect defensiveness in the face of an emotional onslaught, but there isn't any here. If anything, there's the smallest note of surprise in her voice.
Of course he doesn't know her anymore.
It's been a long time. And Carolina is the same, but also very different. He's driving knives into gaps in armor she hasn't worn in years. ]
Let me reiterate: There's nothing truthful you can say about my father that can hurt me, Price.
Even if this isn't the biggest line of bull████ I've ever been fed, he's still dead. He was still a terrible father, and a terrible leader. People were still hurt and killed because of the decisions he made.
Intentions don't matter. What people do matters.
no subject
Very well, then. I wasn't exactly planning on speaking to you, today, I had simply figured you deserved to know that information. If you are not interested in it, good for you.
Since you are new, there are four other freelancer agents you can speak to: agents Washington, York, North and South. There is also a Sim Trooper from Blood Gulch, Lavernius Tucker. You might want to reunite and have a sleepover.
no subject
[ Her jaw tightens a bit at the slumber party remark, but if Price seems ready to end this conversation here, she's all too happy to let it go.
Did she... win that? Maybe? Kind of? Price is a uniquely upsetting ghost, and Carolina is pleasantly surprised she managed to stand her ground here without flying off the handle.
Sometimes it's a struggle to feel like she's made any progress as a person, to feel like she's changed or grown any and isn't just kidding herself, but sometimes hard evidence like this turns up.
This isn't over, but it went so much better for her than it would have years ago. ]
no subject
strangelyvery much truthful things he said about the Director didn't impact her at all. Shame. If anything it means there's something new to her and it can be interesting to watch, but...Yeah, if the daddy issues are not a point for discussion then nothing is going to be. He must shrug before he logs off.]See you around, Agent Carolina.