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strange things | text
[It's taken some time for him to sit down and actually try this because every instinct he has is screaming at him that it's not allowed. The rules toys follow aren't just something they choose to follow, they're instinct. Instinct they can fight, certainly - like when he and Sid's toys had scared Sid - but instinct nevertheless.]
[But this is a special circumstance and maybe Buzz has the right idea. One of the big people had been nice to him, sabotaging his back switch so it didn't actually change anything when switched to demo mode.]
[This situation is so much bigger than them, bigger than any other chaotic situation they've ever faced, bigger even than their little prison break at Sunnyside. What's an escape from a daycare compared to an otherdimensional...whatever? A place where magical shock devices have been put inside them and now they're being expected to, what, go on missions? His only job is being huggable and good for playing pretend. How that's supposed to translate to "missions" is beyond him.]
[In any case, it's so big that maybe he and Buzz need a little help from the big people. Or at least for them to know the two toys hanging around are actually alive.]
[But that doesn't mean it's easy to talk to them. He decides to do it first over text. And decides to maybe test the waters a little instead of launching right into "Hi I'm woody, I'm a talking rag doll."]
[The comm is almost as big as he is, so he has to rely on the voice-to-text to type anything because it's so much work hitting all the buttons.]
Hi. Hello. So.
How nonhuman would someone have to be for you all to think they were too weird for you to want to deal with? Asking for a friend.
[But this is a special circumstance and maybe Buzz has the right idea. One of the big people had been nice to him, sabotaging his back switch so it didn't actually change anything when switched to demo mode.]
[This situation is so much bigger than them, bigger than any other chaotic situation they've ever faced, bigger even than their little prison break at Sunnyside. What's an escape from a daycare compared to an otherdimensional...whatever? A place where magical shock devices have been put inside them and now they're being expected to, what, go on missions? His only job is being huggable and good for playing pretend. How that's supposed to translate to "missions" is beyond him.]
[In any case, it's so big that maybe he and Buzz need a little help from the big people. Or at least for them to know the two toys hanging around are actually alive.]
[But that doesn't mean it's easy to talk to them. He decides to do it first over text. And decides to maybe test the waters a little instead of launching right into "Hi I'm woody, I'm a talking rag doll."]
[The comm is almost as big as he is, so he has to rely on the voice-to-text to type anything because it's so much work hitting all the buttons.]
Hi. Hello. So.
How nonhuman would someone have to be for you all to think they were too weird for you to want to deal with? Asking for a friend.
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[Andy, a healthy kid, never had anything worse than a stomach flu or respiratory infection, but he'd clung real hard to either Woody or Buzz or both during those times.]
That's been one of the most rewarding roles, being capable of comforting your kid when they're sick.
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[Woody didn't even get like this after Andy gave them to Bonnie.]
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Are you okay?
[Obviously not but - Buzz pats Woody on the back again.]
You're crying a lot more than I thought you would.
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[He's not 100% sure he actually wants to talk about it. Sometimes he does a little bit with Slink but that's different. Sometimes you talk about the things you don't want to forget with the other toys that don't want to forget either.]
[He eventually gives a half-hearted little shrug.]
I've been around a long time, Buzz. Even longer than Slink.
[He'd come into their first room first.]
[There is a reason that while other toys have sometimes referred to Andy as his first owner, Woody doesn't. Andy is his old owner, his past owner, his last owner.]
[But he never uses the word "first." Like Mom had told Al when he wanted to buy him, he was an old family toy. That implied other family.]
Some of it just hit a little close too home is all.
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[Around long enough to have had another kid he doesn't talk about?
Not even to Buzz? Is it because the kid died?]
You don't have to tell me, but -
[But oh goodness that implies so much devastation that Buzz has never even remotely touched on, manufactured as he was in the age of the MMR vaccine.]
You can if you want to. You know that, right?
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Most polio cases tapered off right when they did all the vaccines but there were still some cases in the sixties and seventies. Sometimes parents were afraid to vaccinate kids if their health wasn't great to start with. They worried about their constitutions.
Slink and I's first owner got sick with it and was sick for a long time. A long, long time. All the way into his teens. He recovered, but it was a long road getting there. [His face waxes over with similar fondness to the times he speaks about Andy but this is a little less fresh.] He always wanted me at his side, day or night. It didn't exactly make it easy for me to get some time to myself, but I never cared.
[The fond expression fades.]
But then he got better. He was getting older so most of his toys had been put in the attic. While he was sick, they tried to limit all his toys to ones that could be sterilized easily, ones they felt comfortable keeping.
Except for me and Slink. They worried about me being made of cloth and about Slink's ears. But they let him keep us because we were his favorites, the ones he kept with him even after everyone else in the room got put away.
Until he got better. Then even though it would've been fine if they just washed us, they were scared he'd get sick again. They wanted to be extra careful. So they started talking about us and the books and the bed linens and a bonfire.
[He continues on quickly.]
But before we even had time to get scared, he hid us, in the attic. He told us to go to sleep for a long, long time and - and for some reason that was enough to make us do it.
Until Mom took us down...but it wasn't the same Mom. And now he was Dad. I could tell it was him, he still had the glasses and he looked at us the same way, all those years later.
[He finally stops gazing into the middle distance and looks up at Buzz again.]
He was real sick and worried about - about what might come next. So he wanted his son to have something of his. His son who was in kindergarten now, the same age he'd been when he first got me. First thing his son did was get out a marker.
[He wiggles his foot at Buzz slightly, the one that had Bonnie's name, that had Andy's under the paint underneath it.]
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[And it sheds so much context on not just all the emotion Woody's had just now, but so much of his intense loyalty towards Andy, and Andy in particular out of all the kids in the world.
Maybe if Buzz had ever asked what was the deal with their household, why there was just Mom instead of a set of Parents, he'd have learned sooner.]
I'm . . . I'm sorry I didn't think to ask.
[What a tremendous sadness to have unspoken all this time.]
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[He holds a hand to his chest.]
What got me about that story was the part with the fairy. Slink and I didn't need a fairy to be saved. We didn't need magic or a miracle. He cared enough about us that he saved us and then he gave us to Andy.
It felt good to be reminded of that. Hurts a little but it felt good at the same time.
[It explains a lot. The dogged devotion to Andy, the faith that he'd do right by them, take care of them and keep them safe in the attic, and maybe give them to his own kids, even after he'd grown up. It'd already happened once before. Woody had existed long enough to see how the cycles of a toy's life sometimes worked, so long as their owners actually cared.]
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[From the other direction, this explains why Andy valued Woody so much. The other toys were favored, Buzz was favored, but no one else had a connection that personal.
And Woody made the choice to go with them to Bonnie's house anyway, where the whole group had a better chance at happiness, but where Woody, removed from the context of that connection, is falling out of favor.
There's no way Buzz is going to SAY that. But he's thought of it now.]
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[Interesting how he starts with "us," but changes it to "someone." Like he's not sure the "someone" is actually an "us." Like maybe the "someone" is "you guys."]
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Bunny still looks residually overjoyed from his second round of storytime with the kiddos, and in fact a few of them are still in the background, pouring over picture books together.]
So did I hit the mark or not?
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Got it in one.
[The next question is soft and hesitant, delicately handled because he knows it's a big answer. It's an answer to a question they don't ask because usually an answer is impossible.]
What...what are we? We usually don't ask that question because we know we'll never get an answer. This is the first time we've ever talked to someone who might have it. What's a tulpa?
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Well - [He settles in for an explanation.] If you're not from my world then I might be wrong, but I'm not a gambler and I'd still put money on you two being them. A tulpa is a sentient manifestation of an imagined entity. Sort of a solid imaginary friend, but I've seen objects - like toys - host the spirits too. Used to be rare, but these days, kids' imaginations are a lot more nurtured, and toys come with a lot more detailed mythology.
I got a tip from an action figure just a few weeks before this all started that helped me catch a pananggalan. I wouldn't mind if a few more of you existed. Makes protecting the kids a whole lot easier to have more eyes on 'em that can also see us.
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[He turns to Buzz.]
I've never heard of any toys waking up at the factory. The earliest I've ever heard is the toy store, where they're around kids. It's always after at least some contact with kids.
[He slides a hand down his cheek, overwhelmed a little at the fact they may have had a question answered they never thought possible.]
Maybe that's why you didn't know you were an action figure at first. All those kids imagining you and the other Buzzes as a space hero.
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[Buzz has to point it out, but it still falls in with Woody's reasoning.]
But he thought he was the real Buzz, and that Zurg that followed him thought he was the real Zurg, who was also Buzz's father. They were acting out the lore from the Saturday morning cartoon!
[A cartoon falls under that 'detailed mythology' the Easter Bunny pointed out.]
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[Boy, that would raise all sorts of ethical questions, if every single toy in his mass-production world suddenly became sentient. The few tulpas he's met have been such valued possessions, in their rarity, that they weren't in danger of being cast off, but the little spirits also didn't remain after their owners died.]
This might be a sore subject, but if the kids pass on, do your spirits flicker out?
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It is all of us. We're all alive, and we don't...fade.
Once we're alive, we're alive. Regardless of whether or not we're with our first owner.
[A pause.]
...Or any owner. A friend of ours was in storage for a while and it was -
[Words fail him for a moment.]
- it was a bad experiences for her.
[He doesn't feel right sharing any more. The extent of Jessie's trauma isn't a subject he wants to put into conversation with a stranger.]
And we can survive quite a bit. Things humans can't.
[He thinks of Sid's toys and shudders. There's fondness - they were so brave despite what they'd been through. But the ever present horror at what they were - at what any toy could be and still live - has never gone away.]
Not everything, but most things.
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[Imagination magic has done some wild things to his world, but nothing on that scale. But that is absolutely a planet on the brink of a sentient rights crisis.]
That's not ideal.
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[There's no point in agonizing over something they can't change.]
We make do.
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[mass production combined with infinite imagination magic is going to need some looking into. Add that to all the planets he's learning about that have no Guardians to ensure children grow up as unscathed as possible.]
'Course I'll have to get to know you a bit better before I can suggest anything.
Have you ever known a toy to hurt a person?
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Never. Even the most rotten toys we ever met never hurt a human. Too much instinct not to.
[For the sake of transparency, he's honest about what he's done.]
The worst I've ever done personally was purposefully spook a kid into treating his toys more nicely but he was playing mad scientist with his toys. [Woody cringes at the memory.] And about to blow up Buzz with a rocket.
I didn't...I didn't have many options.
I've never seen a situation that bad since. Worse than being thrown away. At least sometimes you can escape a trash bag.
[You can't escape someone mutilating you].
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What do you generally do once thrown out?
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[He shares another look with Buzz, looks deeply uncomfortable about someone digging this deep into things they try not to think about. He almost considers hedging around it or telling him to stop prying but it is the Easter Bunny. The respect for what he is means Woody tries his best to answer him where he might not answer someone else.]
[His voice is taut.]
But if you wind up at the dump there's a point where...where most toys don't come back from. Unless you're very, very lucky.
[There's something in the set of his jaw, trembling just slightly, and a way his gaze gets a little glassy and distant, and how his breath catches just slightly that speaks of a scare he's managed to move on from.]
[He tries to keep his voice steady.]
Even if you get past the shredder, there's a fire.
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But Buzz is beginning to wonder what point there can be to asking all these deeply hard questions, especially as the bunny tackles a question they have both come all too close to not being around to answer.
He reaches out and puts his hand on Woody's shoulder, his expression just as terribly grim as Woody's.]
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[The tension isn't lost on Bunny, who knows he's asking hard questions.
Nobody else is going to ask them. The humans likely don't want to know the answers, or are just too polite, and probably don't have any notion of how to even begin coming up with a solution.
But he's also from a world swimming in the magic of imagination, and theirs is clearly on the brink of a crisis as magic meets mass production meets too much pain and horror heaped on top of an increasingly numerously populated shadow culture.
It's a tough nut to crack, but if anyone can come up with a solution, he's got the team to work on it.]
I know these are hard questions I'm asking. I promise I'm not just asking to make you relive bad times.
You two and I are gonna work out a better end, all right? Not just for you, but for all your friends. The kids would want that for ya.
[Imagine a whole world of children and adults realizing they've been sending sentient beings who loved them completely off to be burned alive. Imagine kids working out their anger or helplessness by mutilating their toys realizing en masse that they were ruining sentient individuals.
Simply imagine loving so completely that you're willing to stay still long enough to be mutilated or burned alive.
What a horror story. It needs a change.]
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gonna pretend this convo is after the network thread with Vanya in Buzz's post
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