piper90 | [video]

[ When North appears on the network this particular evening, he doesn't share anything about why he's so drunk or anything like that. He doesn't go mooning to the entire network about his problems or the situation with Wash and his sister. No, that's not on his agenda at all.

What's on his agenda is his ever-increasing irritation with how messy the people on the rig seem to be. ]

Look at this.

[ North turns the camera of his device to show one of the urinals in the restrooms near the living quarters of the rig. His words are slurred just enough to show to the discerning that he's pretty drunk. ]

You see that? That's filthy.

[ The camera is now turned to show North's face. He holds the device low, and walks out of the restroom. ]

And if you think I'm complaining about just one urinal you've got another think coming. Look at this hallway.

[ He turns the camera again. ]

The walls are stained. The floor is dirty.

[ There's a slight pause with a sound like him swallowing a burp. ]

And yes, I know there's parts from an oil rig and all that. But you live here. You're not telling me you lived like this wherever you came from.

And if you did...shame on you.

[ It's distant-sounding at first, but North's feed picks up York in the background calling his name and asking what's taking so long, then just: ]

Oh no.

[ A cheerful brunette appears in the feed, waving and smiling winningly. He'll make up for North insulting the entire rig with sheer charm, just you watch him. ]

Don't mind him, folks! He's just a grumpy drunk tonight, we're gonna head off now. Right, North? Bedtime. How do we turn this off?

(( ooc: as you can see, both Agents North and York of Project Freelancer are involved in this post, North in purple and York in gold. Feel free to specify either or both when you reply! ))

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[ It's definitely not whatever, but York chooses optimism in this regard. ]

Next time we get our armor, then, I'm sure it's still there. And I want to hear you brag about your kid some more.

I've always got a sick Junior brag in the chamber. Part basketball star, part alien Jesus, all badass. I've got more bragging rights than any dad out there.

[ Wait what. ]

...alien Jesus..?

Oh shit, right. Yeah, so, I fell down a hole and found a legendary alien sword, right? And then this alien shows up like five minutes later and gets all pissed because I beat him to it and now it's connected to my DNA. So he drags me off to do some stupid quest, and it turns out to be a total fucking bust and then he dies. So I bailed.

[ Quests suck. ]

Only I guess the quest was just an excuse to knock me up and make a half-alien, half-human religious savior to use the sword and end the war or whatever. I had Junior in my bunk at Blood Gulch, dude. Childbirth fuckin' sucked.

[ Just give him a moment to take all that in. Processing... processing......... okay. So that actually happened, it doesn't sound like Tucker is fucking with him. He chooses to bypass the 'how is that kind of hybrid even possible?' question and just focus on the last comment. ]

So I've heard. But at the end of all that you've got a great kid, so it was worth it, right?

On one hand, yeah, totally. Like I said, Junior rocks.

On the other hand, if it ever happens again, I'm gonna pick a godfather to take over Junior duty and throw myself off a fucking cliff.

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