Jorgmund Emergency Announcement

[piper90npcs]

[In the middle of the night, when even the night watch shifts should be pacing through the dorm area, there’s a peal of noise from the communicators impossible to ignore or sleep through. It’s clearly an alarm of some sort, like tornado alerts back on Earth. It goes on for solid three minutes, long enough for everyone to move on from being woken by it to loathing it, before a message shows up on the communicators-

-and the doorways out of each of the dorms are sealed with a semi-translucent forcefield.

On the communicator screen, Richard Washburn shows up and straightens his tie.]

Hello, employees. Believe me, I’m not any happier about this midnight interruption than you are, but we’re currently in a state of – mild – emergency. I don’t want anyone to get overly excited, but until the situation is resolved, you will remain in your dorms. Depending on how long this takes, all activities scheduled for tomorrow morning have been suspended.

The reason for this is that we have an intruder in your living quarters. We have this footage from a few weeks ago.

[A new image shows up on the communicator: a security camera video of a Santa Claus with a line of the highest executive-level parents and their small children waiting to tell him their wishlist. A little girl in pigtails and a sparkly t-shirt of a Christmas tree hops up onto his lap.

“Ho, ho, ho!” Santa says, and he boops her nose. “Aren’t you a peach? Tell me, little one. What would you like for Christmas?”

“I want a big plastic spider!” the girl says excitedly.

“A creepy little child, aren’t you? Well, that’s just swell, because that’s my favorite flavor,” Santa says, and then – blurry on the security camera footage – transforms into a mass of black goo, latching onto the little girl’s face and suctioning to stay on. The child’s mother screams and yanks her daughter away, and the footage shows pure pandemonium as some parents lunge forward to help the mother with her daughter while other parents snatch their own children and start running. In all the chaos, the black goo vanishes.

Washburn flicks the footage away and reappears on the screen.]

Thankfully, there were no fatalities in this incident, and after we couldn’t find any evidence of the attacker, we assumed that it was a freak incident of the Stuff. However, there was recently another unsuccessful attack on a teenager by this same creature posing as one of the tutors on the Rig, and then again on another thankfully unharmed child disguised as another child, and then on another child under the guise of a children’s television show host named “Mr. Rogers”, and tonight-

[He takes a deep breath, annoyed, as if this is somehow the Hires’ faults.]

-tonight we found a security breach to your floor, and we have good reason to believe that the shapeshifter is posing as one of you.

We know this: we know it poses as figures appealing to children, so for obvious reasons, you won’t be allowed anywhere near any Jorgmund staff whatsoever until this is resolved. We know that its ability to disguise itself is relatively seamless. And we know that it preys on minors.

If you can determine who among you isn’t at all appealing to children, we can consider releasing you from your dorm and discussing next steps to search out whoever’s been replaced.

If this starts taking long enough that it jeopardizes the Jorgmund’s mission, we may start taking more drastic measures to ensure that we aren’t harboring any imposters.

I’ll keep you updated if you keep me updated.

Comments

[bothbarrels]

[ He knows she doesn't really want this information getting out, but he also knows how important it is to establish that they're really them. So he answers immediately: ]

Tasha.

Where was my old facial piercing?

[ownperson]

[ Man it has been a long time since she heard that one aloud. She's hoping people won't care enough to extrapolate her full name from it, but whatever, she'll deal. She's made it clear she wants to be called South, anyway. ]

Fuck, that old thing. [ She snickers quietly. ] Lower left lip. You looked ridiculous, by the way.

[ She's gotta tease. ]

How old was I when I got my first black eye 'cause I got into a fight?

[bothbarrels]

[ He knows this answer very well, because he got right into the fray with her once he realized it was happening. ]

Nine.

[ It takes him a moment to think of another question; this makes him almost smile, because it's so contradictory to how the other Freelancers probably see him. ]

How old was I when I started being able to buy beer because I was so tall?

[ It was that and a fake ID, of course, but he leaves that part out. ]

[ownperson]

[ South snickers for the same reasons. ]

Fuckin' sixteen. You fucking giant. Still had a few more inches on me back then, I had to catch up.

[ She taps idly as she thinks. ]

...first broken bone?

[bothbarrels]

What, you mean that time you jumped off the top bunk and fractured your heel? Six.

How about...

[ He taps his chin with a finger. ]

Tell me about the first place I got us banned from.

[ownperson]

I've gotten way better at jumping off of shit since then.

[ She rolls her eyes dramatically and kicks him in the shin. ]

Oh, god, Drew. The fucking basketball court at the park. They were bitching at us again because we kicked their asses all the time and then you threw a punch before I even had the chance. Fucking hypocrite of the century, I swear to fuck.

[ She tilts her head, then grins. ]

Okay, how many times did you try and fail epically to give me the talk about "being responsible" when you finally figured out I had my first girlfriend?

[bothbarrels]

[ His ears turn red at the tips and he rolls his eyes at her. ]

Probably, I'm not sure, three times?

[ He sits back and dangles a leg over the edge of the bed. ]

All right, let's go waaay back. What was my favorite toy when we were like four?

[ownperson]

[ South laughs. Yeah, that was the reaction she was going for. ]

Three times exactly. You tried so fucking hard but I wasn't having any of it. It was hilarious.

[ She's still grinning as she answers: ]

That fuckin' baby doll that was meant to be mine, but I never touched it and you like adopted the damn thing. ...which y'know, yeah, that makes sense, looking back.

[ Him calling Theta something like his son is still fresh in her head. Yeah. Definitely makes sense. ]

[bothbarrels]

And yours was that beat-up monster truck that belonged to Dad as a kid.

[ He glances at the comm device. ]

Is that enough? I mean, we're clearly both in full cahoots here.

[ownperson]

[ After nodding in confirmation of the thing about the truck, South adds: ]

We've barely been apart in our lives, it's why we drive each other fucking nuts. Even if we can't be sure memories are enough without anything else, we can confirm basically anything the other says. Seriously. Anything.

[parannoyed]

[After watching the whole thing, Wash is actually smiling, something he hasn't done a ton of lately.]

You delinquent.

[bothbarrels]

[ North grins. ]

You think I would deny it? I just figured I'd get it out there while we were airing our laundry. You never noticed my scar?

[parannoyed]

We all have many very good reasons for many scars.

To think, I used to think you were a role model. The illusion is shattered.

[bothbarrels]

Enemies don't tend to use a poker to stab you in the lip.

Anyway, everyone has a past. Mine led me to be who I am today, so...I'm okay with it.

[infailtration]

I'm gonna need to know how you failed at giving the talk.

[ He's stuck in his room alone please entertain him. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ North chuckles. ]

Mostly by being her age and not actually knowing what I was talking about.

[infailtration]

Oh. That'd do it.

[ He smirks. ]

How old were you guys?

[bothbarrels]

Thirteen. I'm ridiculously ace, on top of that, so she definitely had more understanding of the whole thing.

[infailtration]

[ Well that's another thing York didn't know. Huh. ]

I'm just learning all kinds of things about you today.

[bothbarrels]

[ North laughs. ]

I mean, don't sound so upset about it.

[infailtration]

[ York looks genuinely confused at that. ]

Why would I be upset? These are important North facts. Especially the baby doll.

[bothbarrels]

Irony, York. Please.

[infailtration]

Where's the irony? It just sounds like a nurturing personality.

[bothbarrels]

[ North sighs. He and York have such different senses of humor, something he's already aware of. ]

The irony is you sounded delighted, not upset.

Anyway, yup, that's me. Classic dad friend.

[infailtration]

I'm amused. Also maybe delighted to learn new things.