Jorgmund Emergency Announcement

[piper90npcs]

[In the middle of the night, when even the night watch shifts should be pacing through the dorm area, there’s a peal of noise from the communicators impossible to ignore or sleep through. It’s clearly an alarm of some sort, like tornado alerts back on Earth. It goes on for solid three minutes, long enough for everyone to move on from being woken by it to loathing it, before a message shows up on the communicators-

-and the doorways out of each of the dorms are sealed with a semi-translucent forcefield.

On the communicator screen, Richard Washburn shows up and straightens his tie.]

Hello, employees. Believe me, I’m not any happier about this midnight interruption than you are, but we’re currently in a state of – mild – emergency. I don’t want anyone to get overly excited, but until the situation is resolved, you will remain in your dorms. Depending on how long this takes, all activities scheduled for tomorrow morning have been suspended.

The reason for this is that we have an intruder in your living quarters. We have this footage from a few weeks ago.

[A new image shows up on the communicator: a security camera video of a Santa Claus with a line of the highest executive-level parents and their small children waiting to tell him their wishlist. A little girl in pigtails and a sparkly t-shirt of a Christmas tree hops up onto his lap.

“Ho, ho, ho!” Santa says, and he boops her nose. “Aren’t you a peach? Tell me, little one. What would you like for Christmas?”

“I want a big plastic spider!” the girl says excitedly.

“A creepy little child, aren’t you? Well, that’s just swell, because that’s my favorite flavor,” Santa says, and then – blurry on the security camera footage – transforms into a mass of black goo, latching onto the little girl’s face and suctioning to stay on. The child’s mother screams and yanks her daughter away, and the footage shows pure pandemonium as some parents lunge forward to help the mother with her daughter while other parents snatch their own children and start running. In all the chaos, the black goo vanishes.

Washburn flicks the footage away and reappears on the screen.]

Thankfully, there were no fatalities in this incident, and after we couldn’t find any evidence of the attacker, we assumed that it was a freak incident of the Stuff. However, there was recently another unsuccessful attack on a teenager by this same creature posing as one of the tutors on the Rig, and then again on another thankfully unharmed child disguised as another child, and then on another child under the guise of a children’s television show host named “Mr. Rogers”, and tonight-

[He takes a deep breath, annoyed, as if this is somehow the Hires’ faults.]

-tonight we found a security breach to your floor, and we have good reason to believe that the shapeshifter is posing as one of you.

We know this: we know it poses as figures appealing to children, so for obvious reasons, you won’t be allowed anywhere near any Jorgmund staff whatsoever until this is resolved. We know that its ability to disguise itself is relatively seamless. And we know that it preys on minors.

If you can determine who among you isn’t at all appealing to children, we can consider releasing you from your dorm and discussing next steps to search out whoever’s been replaced.

If this starts taking long enough that it jeopardizes the Jorgmund’s mission, we may start taking more drastic measures to ensure that we aren’t harboring any imposters.

I’ll keep you updated if you keep me updated.

Comments

[xrater]

So, obviously, the Easter Bunny and all of the superheroes get to stay in their rooms. Anyone with a glittery transformation, too.

Anyone who regularly kills, drinks, smokes, or swears is probably free. Our hopes rest on Mac's shoulders, I fear. The Space Marines get to stay, meaning the Freelancers and Tucker, as does Garviel Loken. Sorry, you all look too much like you have action figures and a Saturday morning cartoon show.

[zerofield]

I can't contain my relief at knowing my life may be in Mac's hands.

[xrater]

It's... less than ideal.

[tarnishedavenger]

Right, so-

[xrater]

You hush, mister "Leader of an elite paramilitary jetpack squad."

[morebetter]

What? Kids love me. I have boyish charm.

[alderaani]

So what weapons do we have? I'm still catching up on that here.

[xrater]

Well, my arms convert into buster cannons. Bursts of solid sunlight capable of tearing a ground car apart in a few shots. I believe I've seen a primitive stun device on Gadget's plane. Other than any superpowers the others have, I don't believe any of the rest of us have weapons that aren't locked up in the armory between missions.

[She knows damn well some of the others have them, but she's not going to say so on the unguarded network.]

[morebetter]

People have suggested I need a permit for my roundhouse kicks.

[hallelujahjunction]

Not to single anyone out, but unfortunately any talking animal ain't getting out of here for a while.

[bringinghopewithme]

[No reply but Bunny hears this and snorts, from very much at large.]

[googledox]

[Brainy is usually very prim about his appearance, but sleepy Brainy is another story. His tank top is rumpled and his hair is full of cowlicks sticking up in every direction. He's still rubbing sleep out of his eyes when he gets on the comm but he's waking up quickly. One of the upsides to the Coluan brain.]

Unless this being is also a telepath that can absorb knowledge from its targeys - in which case, we're in significant trouble - Robbie and I can clear each other. We both know personal details only the other would know.

[He yawns.]

Also I'm probably one of few individuals on the rig who's had to fight shapeshifters. There's a shapeshifting species back home, the Durlans. One of them was a thorn in the Legion's side for a time.

[walkingballpit]

Oh, clearing you is easy. Why do you have a lifetime supply of mugs?

[credit_not_blame]

I swear and turn into a giant monster, can I go?

[hallelujahjunction]

You're a teenager. Washburn mentioned it disguised itself as another teenager. Wish I could say you're in the clear, Stacia, but my vote is you ain't.

video

[parannoyed]

We're not Power Rangers.

[They'll let him out. Jorgmund knows.]

[He points to his scarred face. He does not look like a superhero, he looks like someone who the spirit of murder carved up like a turkey, and if the bags under his eyes were actual bags they'd be backpacks not a sporty clutch.]

Does this look like the face of a superhero to you?

[He gets up and starts pulling out one of his field uniforms, the comm on hover mode.]

Plus, we all know private details about each other to clear each other.

[xrater]

Then I'd suggest you get started on clearing one another instead of playing dress up.

audio, locked to wash

[onequartershark]

[ She's going to take a chance where she can. They don't know for sure if this is enough, but it's worth a try. ]

Wash. You might not be able to vet my old memories, but I think I can still vet yours.

Tell me about Loki.

[ No context. Pass or fail, Washington. ]

[onequartershark]

[ Carolina is deeply frustrated. She wants to be out there hunting trouble, to do anything else is very counter to her nature. ]

I hate that you're actually right about the action figure thing.

[ This kind of happens when you are from a group of highly publicized 'heroes' that helped stop a war. Regardless of how much swearing, smoking, and killing various members of the group do. ]

[ownperson]

Have you heard me talk? I swear every other ████in’ word. For god’s... hell, ask Theta, I am not in any way child friendly. ████in’...

[ She trails off into tired, angry mumbling. ]

[fuckingaqua]

Y'know what, wandering around in the middle of the night to try and kick shapeshifter ass wasn't at the top of my bucket list anyway, but I draw the line at believing I appeal to kids.

[ Salty, but just kind of for the sake of being salty because the action figure is real: a Tucker story. ]

Jesus. You have one alien baby and that's it, huh? The door to the dad zone just blasts open.

[xrater]

Some people might view the dad thing as a plus. You're young enough not to be too old to be cool, you're attractive, and now you're a role model.

[greyerrant]

I am not sanguine about Mac's chances.

[walkingballpit]

Wait - the superheroes? If anyone should be dealing with this, it’s the superheroes.

And who says I’m a superhero? Super anything is super subjective.

[infailtration]

I'm pretty sure my face would scare a kid, does that clear me even if I've got an action figure?

[ He doesn't personally, but there are space marine toys so it's not a bad guess. ]