piper90 | Jorgmund Emergency Announcement

[In the middle of the night, when even the night watch shifts should be pacing through the dorm area, there’s a peal of noise from the communicators impossible to ignore or sleep through. It’s clearly an alarm of some sort, like tornado alerts back on Earth. It goes on for solid three minutes, long enough for everyone to move on from being woken by it to loathing it, before a message shows up on the communicators-

-and the doorways out of each of the dorms are sealed with a semi-translucent forcefield.

On the communicator screen, Richard Washburn shows up and straightens his tie.]

Hello, employees. Believe me, I’m not any happier about this midnight interruption than you are, but we’re currently in a state of – mild – emergency. I don’t want anyone to get overly excited, but until the situation is resolved, you will remain in your dorms. Depending on how long this takes, all activities scheduled for tomorrow morning have been suspended.

The reason for this is that we have an intruder in your living quarters. We have this footage from a few weeks ago.

[A new image shows up on the communicator: a security camera video of a Santa Claus with a line of the highest executive-level parents and their small children waiting to tell him their wishlist. A little girl in pigtails and a sparkly t-shirt of a Christmas tree hops up onto his lap.

“Ho, ho, ho!” Santa says, and he boops her nose. “Aren’t you a peach? Tell me, little one. What would you like for Christmas?”

“I want a big plastic spider!” the girl says excitedly.

“A creepy little child, aren’t you? Well, that’s just swell, because that’s my favorite flavor,” Santa says, and then – blurry on the security camera footage – transforms into a mass of black goo, latching onto the little girl’s face and suctioning to stay on. The child’s mother screams and yanks her daughter away, and the footage shows pure pandemonium as some parents lunge forward to help the mother with her daughter while other parents snatch their own children and start running. In all the chaos, the black goo vanishes.

Washburn flicks the footage away and reappears on the screen.]

Thankfully, there were no fatalities in this incident, and after we couldn’t find any evidence of the attacker, we assumed that it was a freak incident of the Stuff. However, there was recently another unsuccessful attack on a teenager by this same creature posing as one of the tutors on the Rig, and then again on another thankfully unharmed child disguised as another child, and then on another child under the guise of a children’s television show host named “Mr. Rogers”, and tonight-

[He takes a deep breath, annoyed, as if this is somehow the Hires’ faults.]

-tonight we found a security breach to your floor, and we have good reason to believe that the shapeshifter is posing as one of you.

We know this: we know it poses as figures appealing to children, so for obvious reasons, you won’t be allowed anywhere near any Jorgmund staff whatsoever until this is resolved. We know that its ability to disguise itself is relatively seamless. And we know that it preys on minors.

If you can determine who among you isn’t at all appealing to children, we can consider releasing you from your dorm and discussing next steps to search out whoever’s been replaced.

If this starts taking long enough that it jeopardizes the Jorgmund’s mission, we may start taking more drastic measures to ensure that we aren’t harboring any imposters.

I’ll keep you updated if you keep me updated.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I don't think they want to be your agents.

Are they up for adoption?

Ooh, can I have them? I promise to make sure that they're fed and watered and receive appropriate enrichment! Please please please?

They're awfully large, Stacia...

I'll do the research to make sure they don't fight each other! Pleeeeeeeeease?

Well, okay. But the first time I end up cleaning up after them, we're going to have Words, young lady.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!

[Stacia is mostly just doing a bit. But it's entirely possible that one or more of the Freelancers might agree to be "her" agents just to annoy Price, and she'd be okay with that. She's already got York on team What's Up With Wash...]

[ On one hand, South will firmly deny ever "being" anyone's, on the other hand, she's in a decent mood (besides the, y'know, imposter situation and being woken up) and she's open to mischief. Pissing off Price is always a good motivator and this is a prime opportunity. ]

Y'know what, that's an upgrade. I'll take little miss teenage werewolf over this ███hole any day.

[ She does remember your name Stacia this is just how she is. ]

I can't believe I'd ever say this. Ever.

Ever.

But I agree.

That said, the only thing that puts "making them stop fighting each other" even in question is she can turn into a ten foot tall monster and rip our arms off if we do something she doesn't like.

Edited 2021-01-16 01:08 (UTC)

I can only rip your arms off once or twice. It's a messy and ineffective punishment. But you know what works every time? Sitting on people and licking them on their faces with a giant drooly wolf tongue!

...Once again reminding me of that talk about boundaries we need to have.

I can assure you that it's much easier to clean wolf spit out of your hair than it is to regrow an arm.

[haha, it's funny because Stacia has traumatic personal experience to make this comparison.]

[ South doesn't even need to say anything, the look on her face alone makes it clear that, yeah, that would definitely work every time. ]

(no subject)

credit_not_blame - 2021-01-17 21:54 (UTC) - Expand

[Price is absolutely appalled by that remark, and generally offended by everything else.]

I am not sure about this moment in particular, but they certainly were at some point since I distinctly remember the Director sending me dumpster diving for agents. You might want to give it a try.

[Dan just watches this whole exchange going down, eyebrows gradually rising up to his hairline, and then sighs, breathes into his hands, and decides he's not getting involved in this no matter how much he thinks the Counselor is gobbling his own foot.]

You know, I won't even deny it. That was his entire MO.

Case in point: he fished you out of a diaper pail.

[Taaaakes one to know ooone.]

[And they keep going! He's been nothing but nice to them, even during the project he would go for the most delicate approach - and everyone knows the Director, who would almost always go 'my way or the highway' and overrule him, was as gentle as a chainsaw - and be thoughtful about how to use them, he would use them in a way that would flesh out their strengths and weaknesses, in a way that would honour them. He worshipped the beautiful emotional scars that they had. He forcedly tied himself to them because that's just what he does with the things he likes.

Now? He only wanted to apologize and have them stop having beef with him and be a team already since there are bigger problems. But they have refused to listen, beat him up, and warned people about him as if he has any power here. He kept trying, this time he was really trying to help but they decided to dogpile him. Absolute strangers felt it was appropriate and even fun to mock him for it, and the freelancers agreed. Can he be allowed to make one sassy, TRUTHFUL remark? Is it too much to ask?

He mutes the thread.]

Wow, what'd this guy do?

[As usual, Nora has not been paying attention.]

Summarized? Performed highly unethical experiments on their friends. And them.

I could almost form a squad out of them.

And tortured an innocent AI. Don't forget that one.

Also lied to us and made us fight people who didn't actually deserve us killing them all, by lying about them being insurrectionists when our program was actually the one doing illegal things and stealing things from our own government.

I believe I mentioned 'your friends'.

I wouldn't say the Alpha was a friend.

He was kind of an asshole.

But fair point.

By all means, call the equivalent of special ops CPS and take us away from him.

"Failure to thrive" doesn't even begin to cover it.

I think it's a little late for me.

[ She is entertained, though. ]

That's fine, I'm flexible! I'm amazing at the role of "annoying baby sister".

[Stacia winks.]

Kidding. Except about being annoying in a cute way, I really am good at that.

Edited 2021-01-17 22:03 (UTC)