[locked to new hires] [video] clues

[ownperson]

Alright, locking this because if the guys in the other rooms are being anything like us there's messes we don't need the corps seeing us fuckin' making, or worse, but whatever, point is:

[ South holds up a colour printout of all the current Hires faces, with all the teens and younger circled, but numerous others' faces crossed through with Xs:

Guts
Kevin Armstrong
Breq Mianaai
Ronald McDonald
Alia
Dan Sagittarius
Agent Washington
Agent New York
Agent South Dakota
Sarah Kerrigan
Aiden Price
Lavernius Tucker
Carolina
Agent North Dakota
Nora Valkyree
Sam Winchester
Brandon Saint John
Rune Saint John
Garviel Loken
Mackenzie Haynes
Rogue ]

We found a fuckin' doozy. Gonna guess the crosses mean we specifically weren't what this thing was fuckin' looking for in a target for copying.

Like we said earlier, we also found Santa's sack in the shower like the thing was trying to wash it out and a whole lot of candy it probably dumped from it. The closet in here was missing a medium uniform and the locks in here are all fucked, but like... carefully fucked. And... that's it? [ she looks over at Kerrigan as if to confirm, then back at the camera ] So far, anyway.

What the fuck's everyone else found? Assuming we haven't been the only team actually getting shit done.

Comments

[fuckingaqua]

Ohh, sick! That's being nasty on company time!

[ WHO WOULD DO THAT? GO OVER TO THE GOOP AND JUST STICK THEIR HAND IN LIKE THAT.

Real Emily Grey move, actually. ]

Ugh, fine, I'll upgrade it from "pulped" to "mulched." I'll go on the worst possible kind of bone watch. I'm still not digging around in there.

[zerg_rush]

If they paid us, I might care.

[That's a lie. She wouldn't care in the least.]

I've been covered in worse things. You Freelancers are really finicky for marines.

[Aww, Tucker got a promotion.]

[ownperson]

Hey, fuckin' blood and guts and normal gross battlefield shit I couldn't give less of a fuck about, but monster goop and mulched person is way over the line of shit that I am willing to deal with without at least going 'ew'.

[zerg_rush]

I thought you fought aliens.

[Why Kerrigan thinks that necessarily means disgusting goo is a mystery.]

[ownperson]

I mean yeah, but they didn't like, explode into goop or whatever when we injured or killed them. Unless you actually explode them but well, that's universal. They just... bled, took injuries like anyone else.

[ Squint. ]

How fuckin' messy does fighting aliens get for you? Do I even wanna know?

[zerg_rush]

The zerg spread something a lot like this everywhere they go. It makes the ground basically useless for anyone but them.

[THE CREEP]

[ownperson]

Well that sounds disgusting and also like a fucking nightmare.

[zerg_rush]

It is. You can't even burn it out. You have to destroy the whole zerg colony before it'll die.

[ownperson]

Fuuuck. Your aliens suck.

[ Eloquent as ever, South. ]

[fuckingaqua]

I'm definitely not a Freelancer, let's keep that on the record. I'm Blue Team. That means if I'm bitching about something, I'm being exactly the right amount of finicky. But even I'm pretty sure Freelancers didn't go slip 'n sliding on alien guts for the thrill.

[ Considered possibly competent by association: his worst nightmare. ]

Anyway, shit's gross. There's teeth in there. It looks like you tried to pull an old dude from a tar pit and all you saved were his dentures.

[zerg_rush]

[Kerrigan doesn't understand Blue Team Problems and she doesn't want to.]

You talk like you've never knocked someone's teeth out before.

[fuckingaqua]

[ Tucker commits to the "you got me there" mood. ]

Yeah, not my style. Guess I don't need to ask if it's yours.

[zerg_rush]

You end up in close quarters enough, you're going to ruin some smiles.

[Kerrigan is looking a bit quizzical. She is still operating under the assumption Tucker regularly does things more dangerous than arguing with his friends.]

[fuckingaqua]

So what I'm hearing is next time we get packed up into mission transports, don't get on yours. I've been trying to preserve my ass in its natural non-kicked state.

[zerg_rush]

Close quarters combat.

[Well, Tucker, you've successfully ensured no expectation of competence from Kerrigan. Congratulations!]

[fuckingaqua]

Hmm. Looking back, that makes sense.

More power to you, girl. Combat it up, break those teeth.