[locked to new hires] post-babadon't

[princesspower]

[ Adora fidgets with her communicator, staring at the screen, her brow furrowed as the video feed starts up. She's in a bed in the infirmary, with some bandaging on her head where she's was previously bleeding from the scalp. She looks tired, mostly. ]

Hey everybody. I just - I guess I wanted to say that I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let myself get taken out like that. Everyone had to deal with that because of me. I screwed up. I won't let it happen again. Uh - I guess that's about it.

Comments

[heterochrocatic]

And you're not just She-Ra!

[princesspower]

But I have that power! That means I have to be better then... this!

[heterochrocatic]

It took me a long time to figure this out, but you're allowed to be weak sometimes, Adora. I don't want to watch you--watch you kill yourself over this stuff.

[ She feels like she's had this conversation before. ]

[princesspower]

It's not about being weak, Catra.

It's about being responsible. About being who I'm supposed to be. It's about protecting other people.

[ They probably have, in another life. ]

[heterochrocatic]

[ Catra remembers it and it frustrates her. ]

This is just like your stupid bullshit with the Heart! How many times do you have to martyr yourself?

cw: suicidal tendencies

[princesspower]

I don't remember the Heart. I don't... I don't know what that is.

[ The answer to that question is honestly "as many times as it takes", as far as Adora is concerned.

She may be low-key suicidal. ]

[heterochrocatic]

Of course you don't! FUCK!

[ Catra snaps. She's trying really hard not to be the person she used to be but if there's anything that makes her angry, it's the way Adora tries to throw herself away for everyone else's benefit. ]

I'm not going to just watch you burn yourself up for other people! I can't do that anymore!

[princesspower]

I'm not burning myself-!

[ Adora can't view it like that. Not consciously. As far as she's concerned she's doing what she's supposed to do. What she has to do to make sure other people stay safe. ]

[heterochrocatic]

YES! Yes you are!

[ Catra is almost shouting, cutting off Adora before she can keep justifying herself. ]

That's what you've always done! For Shadow Weaver, for me, for the Princesses, for everyone! You're worth more than you can give to others, Adora! I'm not--

[ She grits her teeth. ]

I want to stay. I don't want to watch you keep trying to kill yourself until it works, though!

[princesspower]

I'm not trying to kill myself, Catra!

[ Maybe. ]

I'm just - I'm doing what I have to do. You know that.

[heterochrocatic]

Stop pretending you're doing this for anyone but yourself. It's about your guilt. It's about your need to carry everything on your shoulders because you don't trust anyone else to do it or think that no one else can.

[ Catra scowls. ]

It's just using other people as an excuse to be cruel to yourself.

[princesspower]

[ Adora flinches.

She doesn't want to hear that. She doesn't think it's true. It still cuts. ]

That's not true!

[ She's very good at lying to herself about that. ]

[heterochrocatic]

It is true and you need to face up to it so you can get better.

[princesspower]

I'm doing what I have to do, Catra.

[ Why does she feel like she's had this conversation before? Why does she feel like she's running in place? ]

[heterochrocatic]

You don't have to do anything! You're doing this because you think if you're not helping people, you're worthless! You're wrong about that because I would love you no matter what you do or who you are. I don't care if you're She-Ra. Sparkles and Bow don't care if you're She-Ra. They care about Adora, their friend.

[ Catra's breath catches and she's surprised to notice tears starting to trickle down her cheeks. Angry, hurt, tears. ]

Stop doing this every time you make a mistake. Stop hurting yourself because you aren't perfect. Please!

[princesspower]

[ Adora honestly doesn't know how to respond to that. She's caught between her desire to comfort Catra and her own sense of responsibility for everything. For the world. ]

Catra...

[ She should go find her, right? ]

Where are you?

[heterochrocatic]

Why?

[princesspower]

Because you're upset. And I don't want that. I never wanted - I didn't mean to hurt you.

[heterochrocatic]

Well, guess what? I am upset. You are hurting me. You just won't listen to what I'm telling you.

[ There's a shift of weight. She doesn't know how to reply to this. She wants to hug Adora, but she's so mad. ]

I...

[ She grits her teeth. ]

I need space right now.

[princesspower]

...OK.

You - you know where to find me.

[ And she turns off her communicator. ]