[locked to new hires] post-babadon't

[princesspower]

[ Adora fidgets with her communicator, staring at the screen, her brow furrowed as the video feed starts up. She's in a bed in the infirmary, with some bandaging on her head where she's was previously bleeding from the scalp. She looks tired, mostly. ]

Hey everybody. I just - I guess I wanted to say that I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let myself get taken out like that. Everyone had to deal with that because of me. I screwed up. I won't let it happen again. Uh - I guess that's about it.

Comments

[alderaani]

[ Leia arrived a few minutes after the video and knocked before she moved into the area where Adora was recovering. She pulled up a chair and sat, one knee folded over the other, her hands resting in her lap. ]

It's been hard to miss the conversations, as much of them have been talking at you more than to you. And I may not disagree with some of what has been said, but I'd like to understand why you feel you are more responsible than anyone else would be for what happened? As I understand it we were all equally likely targets.

[princesspower]

[ Well, at least Leia's not trying to kinda yell at her. Adora watches her from the cot she's on - it's not like she's that badly injured - and then shrugs. ]

Well... Because I'm She-Ra. Because I'm capable of it. And I was the one who got stuffed in a cabinet...

[alderaani]

I thought you were Adora, and She-Ra was something you were able to be when the need called for it.

The rest could have just as easily been any of us really. You do see that though, even if you feel this particularly strongly, it could have been me or anyone else. I'm sorry it was you, I think I'd feel similarly if I was in your place.

[princesspower]

Kind of. It's a little bit of both, I guess?

[ She lets her shoulders slump. ]

Everyone keeps yelling at me.

[alderaani]

I see.

[ Leia nodded. ]

I've seem some of their reactions.

[She cocked her head and took a deep breath. ]

But none of that is going to change how you feel about what happened. Because you feel like you should have, could have done more. Is that it?

[princesspower]

Well... yeah.

[ Adora heaves a sigh. ]

...I'm kind of tired of talking about it.

[alderaani]

Ok. What would you rather talk about?

[princesspower]

I don't know. I'm just - everything feels really overwhelming, right now.

[alderaani]

I can understand that, things feel too big and to much to be able to carry and it doesn't matter where you go because it's just part of who you are.

That's my life back home too.

[princesspower]

I - yeah. And you feel like you're the only one who can.

[ Someone who kinda gets it. ]

[alderaani]

"So if you feel like talking, I'm here. If you don't I can just sit with you, or get you some food."

She leaned forward and very gently, respectfully rested a hand on her arm.

"I'm not here to judge you, but if I can help you I want to.

[princesspower]

Adora scrubs at her face.

"I don't know what there is to talk about. Everyone seems to think that... I shouldn't feel responsible, but I do."

[alderaani]

"Because they don't know what it's like to have a duty and to be responsible for, well something much greater than themselves."

It was a feeling few others could really understand.

[princesspower]

Adora doesn't really want to think that's true; she knows there are others who have to worry about a lot of stuff. But in this case it feels right. It feels like no one gets it.

"There's just - it's what I do. It's what I have to do. I can't pretend I don't feel responsible. I can't pretend I'm not."

[alderaani]

"And when something happens it doesn't matter if it's logical or sensical it's your job to see that it doesn't happen. You are supposed to protect and defend people, and if you can't do that.. what are you?"

You, in this sense very clearly stood in for me.

"For some of us, for some things, there is no absolution."

[princesspower]

Adora's shoulders slump a little, partially relieved that someone else seems to understand what she means. How she views the universe.

"Yeah. Exactly. I can't just... forget about what I need to do. They seem to want me to just - just forget. Or pretend that's not how I feel. Or that feeling this is wrong..."

[alderaani]

"They can't understand because it's not the same for them. It's different for some of us."

She sighed and shook her head.

"The best you can do is keep busy, focus on what you can do now. It can't change what happened but it helps."

[princesspower]

"That's what I'd like to do," Adora replies with a groan, "But everyone seems to think that I shouldn't be feeling any responsibility. That I just... I don't know."

She runs her hands down her face.

"I'm fine. I don't understand why everyone else thinks they need to be so worried..."

[alderaani]

"Because people wouldn't be fine. And they will press you for something until they feel they've had some sort of emotion from you."

As well-meaning as many might be.

"I might suggest letting them think they've gotten something from you. Tell them you see what they mean and that while it is hard you will try to let it go."

She'd had to say that often enough herself.

[princesspower]

"I... could do that," Adora replies, sounding a little miserable.

"It feels a little like lying, though."

[alderaani]

"I know that's not ideal, but it assuages them enough to give you space."

It's a lesser of the possible evils.

[princesspower]

Adora shrugs uncomfortably, "I guess. Maybe I'll try it."

She pauses.

"Does that really work for you?"

(feel free to drop this if it's too old)

[alderaani]

Leia stiffened at the question, did it?

"Some times more than others."

Some people more than others too.