audio;

[fuckingaqua]

Hey, so if everyone's done celebrating love or diversity or whatever, I've got personal agendas that are actually important and cool that don't have anything to do with Human Resources.

[ It hasn't even been a week but ok dumbass. ]

The important one is, I need someone to use magic or science or whatever to everything-proof a photograph for me, ASAP. They won't let me use a fancy copier to make a backup, so I need that handled before the next time I have to do some bullshit mission around acid or fire or dudes who wanna stab me.

The cool one is, I need someone who has a grenade they're willing to flush down a toilet for team bonding cred. You'll probably get messed-up eardrums, but it'll be fucking awesome. I dunno, we can make it like a group thing? 'cause now that I'm thinking about it, I've never had a multi-team operation to flush two grenades down two toilets at the same time.

Comments

[walkingballpit]

Hey, love and diversity are a year-round celebration.

[ Or they should be, if you're not trapped in a dystopian hellscape. ]

Why do you need to flush a grenade down a toilet?

[fuckingaqua]

Year-round after school special.

[ No one, at all:
Tucker: If everyone just had my emotional issues I wouldn't have to confront the concept of consistent open sincerity tbh ://// ]

And like I said. Uh. Team bonding, kinda? Better than a trust fall? And mostly because destroying stuff is awesome.

[walkingballpit]

I think after-school specials get a raw deal. They’re cheesy, but they were at least trying to make the world a better place.

Team bonding with explosives and a risk of being covered in number two? What kind of sports did you play?

[fuckingaqua]

I mean, I shoot hoops sometimes, but I didn't do actual team sports. It's just like, the team. I dunno, New Hires Team? I was Blue Team for basically forever before I got stuck here, I'm just trying to work with what we've got.

[ And then, belatedly: ]

Aw, wait, gross, we're not gonna flush 'em with someone's shit, dude! I don't have high standards, but I've got at least one standard.

[walkingballpit]

Can’t we just play ball instead and not run the risk of you damaging the plumbing system just because you never got to play with cherry bombs? Cause even if the bowl is empty, it’s going to bust a sewage pipe and we have to live on this Rig.

I’m serious. I haven’t had a chance to play basketball in years.

[fuckingaqua]

...

I mean, can we ethically add explosions to basketball?

[walkingballpit]

Isn’t that just powers training? Or really, just basketball? It’s hard for me to play any sport without a light show.

[fuckingaqua]

You know what? That's about the right balance of "sounds cool and like it could accidentally maim me." I mean, I'm not gonna make any promises about those toilets. Which was totally a joke, if you're a company cop. What people don't get about me is that I'm fucking hilarious.

[walkingballpit]

Never fear, my dude. I am a thousand percent not a cop of any kind. I’m not even a mall cop.

[ Most of the cops and prison guards Robbie has met don’t like him. ]

I don’t do uniforms you have to iron.

[fuckingaqua]

Whoa, are irons even still a thing?

[ Vital intel. ]

I could've learned to make a grilled cheese with one of those. Who needs a stove?

[walkingballpit]

Here? I don’t know.

Where I’m from from - like where and when I was born, they’re a thing.

But I’ve lived when they weren’t a thing and the grilled cheese was tragic. And vegan.