PFC Lavernius Tucker (or Captain or something) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fuckingaqua) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
piper902021-06-06 06:31 pm
fuckingaqua) wrote in piper902021-06-06 06:31 pm
Entry tags:
audio;
Hey, so if everyone's done celebrating love or diversity or whatever, I've got personal agendas that are actually important and cool that don't have anything to do with Human Resources.
[ It hasn't even been a week but ok dumbass. ]
The important one is, I need someone to use magic or science or whatever to everything-proof a photograph for me, ASAP. They won't let me use a fancy copier to make a backup, so I need that handled before the next time I have to do some bullshit mission around acid or fire or dudes who wanna stab me.
The cool one is, I need someone who has a grenade they're willing to flush down a toilet for team bonding cred. You'll probably get messed-up eardrums, but it'll be fucking awesome. I dunno, we can make it like a group thing? 'cause now that I'm thinking about it, I've never had a multi-team operation to flush two grenades down two toilets at the same time.
[ It hasn't even been a week but ok dumbass. ]
The important one is, I need someone to use magic or science or whatever to everything-proof a photograph for me, ASAP. They won't let me use a fancy copier to make a backup, so I need that handled before the next time I have to do some bullshit mission around acid or fire or dudes who wanna stab me.
The cool one is, I need someone who has a grenade they're willing to flush down a toilet for team bonding cred. You'll probably get messed-up eardrums, but it'll be fucking awesome. I dunno, we can make it like a group thing? 'cause now that I'm thinking about it, I've never had a multi-team operation to flush two grenades down two toilets at the same time.
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[ Or they should be, if you're not trapped in a dystopian hellscape. ]
Why do you need to flush a grenade down a toilet?
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[ No one, at all:
Tucker: If everyone just had my emotional issues I wouldn't have to confront the concept of consistent open sincerity tbh ://// ]
And like I said. Uh. Team bonding, kinda? Better than a trust fall? And mostly because destroying stuff is awesome.
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Team bonding with explosives and a risk of being covered in number two? What kind of sports did you play?
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[ And then, belatedly: ]
Aw, wait, gross, we're not gonna flush 'em with someone's shit, dude! I don't have high standards, but I've got at least one standard.
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I’m serious. I haven’t had a chance to play basketball in years.
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I mean, can we ethically add explosions to basketball?
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[ Most of the cops and prison guards Robbie has met don’t like him. ]
I don’t do uniforms you have to iron.
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[ Vital intel. ]
I could've learned to make a grilled cheese with one of those. Who needs a stove?
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Where I’m from from - like where and when I was born, they’re a thing.
But I’ve lived when they weren’t a thing and the grilled cheese was tragic. And vegan.
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How and why the ████ do you even have a paper ████ing photograph? I thought we were from the same ████in' century.
[ Look she's a better person now but she's still a bitch. ]
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Have it as a holo-still like literally every other civilised person, dip████. Who the ████ even uses paper for anything anymore? That's so ████in'... extra.
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That is—
[ That’s not how they kill trees, right? No, of course it fucking isn’t, the fact she honest to god has to think for a second is ridiculous. God, is sim trooper nonsense infectious? Is that how they apparently got Wash and Carolina? ]
Maybe you should go try shooting the big, ████ off trees we’re rolling through right now. Really riddle ‘em with lead, see how that works out. That’s about as useful as flushing a grenade down a ████in’ toilet.
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Uh, wow, maybe you should watch your fucking language. You can't just throw around words like "useful." I'm retired from being useful, I'll break out in hives.
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You do understand I was saying neither of those things is ████ing useful, right? Don’t worry, you’re still plenty useless.
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[ He doesn't know how unions work. He also doesn't care. ]
Sucks to show up and be competent, huh?
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That wasn't a ████in' compliment. Why the ████ would you want a reputation for being useless? Wait, nevermind, don't answer that. I don't actually care.
[ Sim troopers, man. He kinda answered anyway, he clearly just doesn't want to have to do fuck shit which— okay, she can't say that isn't fair, but like hell she's gonna actually say that to his face. ]
What even is a sim trooper's bar for 'cool shit'? Actually hitting a target on purpose?
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[ Adopting ex-Freelancers is cool shit, right. He's glad he's getting his home-world dibs out on the public network anyway. Stacia can have her Rig dibs. ]
Me and Caboose actually did flush a grenade like a million years ago, though. And it was fuckin' sweet. Standing around in a canyon all day really opens you up to how cool it is to destroy stuff.
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[ The fact Wash and Carolina have been taken in by a bunch of Sim Troopers is still batshit insane, for the record. It never stops boggling her. ]
Isn't two Freelancers on one sim team just called cheating?
[ She says as a twin who almost certainly got sent on simulations with said twin. Shut up. ]
And you mean it just makes you all really ████in' stir crazy insane.
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Look, it's not like the Reds even wanted 'em! They still had all their guys. Ours kept dying. [ Looking at you, multiple dead Churches. Fucking asshole. Definitely not sad about it at all still sometimes. ] And Caboose got all attached to Wash after the Meta thing, and Carolina already had the right armor color. I dunno, it just worked out. Cool split for teamwork.
[sent over private network] [text]
ok ill bite. i got grenades. why you wanna flush 'em.
[sent over private network] [text]
sometimes people get all deep and wanna destroy something beautiful you know? it's like that. except we're destroying something that sucks and it's for no reason and we don't really have anything better to do.
so its basically being in the unsc.
Re: [sent over private network] [text]
keep my name out of it and send me pic or vid.
Re: [sent over private network] [text]
i'll be the only public face this badass mission needs. you just make sure you dont get that good judgement back
Re: [sent over private network] [text]
This is what I can spare. reads this note accompanying it. Have fun.
[Locked to Lonestar's network]
Dat said. I ain't got grenades, but I got stuff I can do dat ain't real traceable, neither.
[Locked to Lonestar's network]
[ Consequences for his actions are only the worst thing in the world when they a) are especially annoying, or b) negatively impact literally anybody that isn't him. ]
I'm explosive-flexible, dude. If you've got anything smaller than a frag, I guess no one would have to stand on the toilet and use their foot to really jam it in there? It sounds less fun to watch, but it's probably better for a bunch of assholes who don't have to wear power armor every day.
[Locked to Lonestar's network]
[He's been half shuffling a deck of cards off screen, but he puts them down and picks up one of the half-size index cards he keeps in lieu of a deck. After a moment, it starts emitting a low squeal of energy and a magenta glow.]
How much smaller dan a frag you need? Can't hold de charge too long, but long 'nough to flush it? Pro'ly.
[Locked to Lonestar's network]
Heat's never stopped him from mouthing off before. ]
Pretty much any size smaller that'll fit in there. If cards are like your thing I can just grab pens or a stapler or some bullshit office supplies to use instead? 'cause I mean, whatever we're flushing we're not getting back. And it's probably easier to get some asshole manager to send more pens. Recreation's gotta be all red tape.
[ Probably. He assumes. ]
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[ Despite the fact that she replies in audio, to match the post itself, you can practically hear the sadface emoji. Dana likes helping! :( ]
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