audio;

[fuckingaqua]

Hey, so if everyone's done celebrating love or diversity or whatever, I've got personal agendas that are actually important and cool that don't have anything to do with Human Resources.

[ It hasn't even been a week but ok dumbass. ]

The important one is, I need someone to use magic or science or whatever to everything-proof a photograph for me, ASAP. They won't let me use a fancy copier to make a backup, so I need that handled before the next time I have to do some bullshit mission around acid or fire or dudes who wanna stab me.

The cool one is, I need someone who has a grenade they're willing to flush down a toilet for team bonding cred. You'll probably get messed-up eardrums, but it'll be fucking awesome. I dunno, we can make it like a group thing? 'cause now that I'm thinking about it, I've never had a multi-team operation to flush two grenades down two toilets at the same time.

Comments

[ownperson]

How and why the ████ do you even have a paper ████ing photograph? I thought we were from the same ████in' century.

[ Look she's a better person now but she's still a bitch. ]

[fuckingaqua]

Uh, yeah? What am I gonna do, carry around a fuckin' jpeg and have to dig through a bunch of file directories? Adapt, improvise, overcome. And then pay the school like, a ton of extra processing fees. They should put up a plaque honoring my contribution.

[ownperson]

Have it as a holo-still like literally every other civilised person, dip████. Who the ████ even uses paper for anything anymore? That's so ████in'... extra.

[fuckingaqua]

Pff, whatever, my kid's worth killing a tree for. Send me out into the forest, I'll shoot it myself.

[ownperson]

That is—

[ That’s not how they kill trees, right? No, of course it fucking isn’t, the fact she honest to god has to think for a second is ridiculous. God, is sim trooper nonsense infectious? Is that how they apparently got Wash and Carolina? ]

Maybe you should go try shooting the big, ████ off trees we’re rolling through right now. Really riddle ‘em with lead, see how that works out. That’s about as useful as flushing a grenade down a ████in’ toilet.

[fuckingaqua]

[ RIP South if she ever learns first-hand that this is on the low end of the nonsense scale. ]

Uh, wow, maybe you should watch your fucking language. You can't just throw around words like "useful." I'm retired from being useful, I'll break out in hives.

[ownperson]

You do understand I was saying neither of those things is ████ing useful, right? Don’t worry, you’re still plenty useless.

[fuckingaqua]

Thank you. I've got a sim trooper reputation to think about. If I've done any cool shit, that's my business until these guys break me out a union rep.

[ He doesn't know how unions work. He also doesn't care. ]

Sucks to show up and be competent, huh?

[ownperson]

That wasn't a ████in' compliment. Why the ████ would you want a reputation for being useless? Wait, nevermind, don't answer that. I don't actually care.

[ Sim troopers, man. He kinda answered anyway, he clearly just doesn't want to have to do fuck shit which— okay, she can't say that isn't fair, but like hell she's gonna actually say that to his face. ]

What even is a sim trooper's bar for 'cool shit'? Actually hitting a target on purpose?

[fuckingaqua]

Uhhhhh, so far, cleaning up a bunch of leftover Project bullshit and calling dibs on Wash and Carolina for the Blues.

[ Adopting ex-Freelancers is cool shit, right. He's glad he's getting his home-world dibs out on the public network anyway. Stacia can have her Rig dibs. ]

Me and Caboose actually did flush a grenade like a million years ago, though. And it was fuckin' sweet. Standing around in a canyon all day really opens you up to how cool it is to destroy stuff.

[ownperson]

[ The fact Wash and Carolina have been taken in by a bunch of Sim Troopers is still batshit insane, for the record. It never stops boggling her. ]

Isn't two Freelancers on one sim team just called cheating?

[ She says as a twin who almost certainly got sent on simulations with said twin. Shut up. ]

And you mean it just makes you all really ████in' stir crazy insane.

[fuckingaqua]

[ He gives the stir crazy interpretation a very "that's fair" shrug. Blood Gulch with Caboose and Church was a regular riot compared to that temple stint, but Tucker can't say they weren't stir crazy. ]

Look, it's not like the Reds even wanted 'em! They still had all their guys. Ours kept dying. [ Looking at you, multiple dead Churches. Fucking asshole. Definitely not sad about it at all still sometimes. ] And Caboose got all attached to Wash after the Meta thing, and Carolina already had the right armor color. I dunno, it just worked out. Cool split for teamwork.