♫ Introducing on sunshine, whoa-oh-oooh ♫ [LOCKED]

[pastnastification]

[The man that shows up on the screen is an extreme ginger, complete with blue eyes. Given that Jorgmund isn't really the type to give people hair care products, the way his hair spikes up seems to be a natural swoop.]

[He figured out the hover function on his comm (100% by accident) and that means it's a wide view of him, sitting on his bunk and leaning forward with curiosity with his elbows on his knees. The New Hire jumpsuit isn't exactly flattering on him - he's almost aggressively average-looking and slightly paunchy - but he looks comfortable, like he's used to occasionally wearing stupid uniforms.]

[The Planet Express delivery crew has worn stupid uniforms on completely random occasions.]

Three questions.

One, what does the little lock button do that I just pushed before recording this and also why?

[He doesn't clarify what the "why" refers to. Is it "why does this exist?" or "why does it do whatever thing it does"?]

Two, has any seen - or been roundhouse kicked by - a foxy cyclops? Or seen - or been mugged by - a robot?

Three, how long has everyone else been stuck here? I'm really hoping it's a short amount of time because there's someplace I really need to be. Has it been just a couple days, or a bunch of weeks?

[He's hoping they'll all get to bail from this place soon. Those chances will be better if people haven't been stuck here for ages already, because it means he might be, too.]

Four, has anyone been shocked enough that their tongue went numb?

Five, who all is everyone else...is?

And d) Hi, I'm Fry.

[A pause.]

Wait, that was supposed to be question.

[He has obviously lost count, accidentally used a letter, and also gone over three questions and seems clueless to this fact. But he said he had questions and therefore he rephrases the last one as a question, even though most people don't introduce themselves by asking other people if that's their name.]

Hi, I'm...Fry?

[Nailed it. Solid introduction, if he does say so himself.]

Comments

[onequartershark]

Hello Fry. I'm Carolina.

[ Oh. This whole demeanor is so familiar. Carolina knows this. She's still not the best at dealing with it, but she's more patient these days and has some practice. ]

You didn't know what it does and you pushed it?

[ Just. You know. To confirm the level of this going on here. ]

[pastnastification]

It was a button.

[A big shrug.]

I wanted to see what it did.

[That's...that's a level, alright.]

[onequartershark]

Okay. So, the good news is it's a helpful button that keeps people from shocking you for what you say on here.

Please don't push any other mysterious buttons.

[ This is Carolina's talking-to-Caboose voice. ]

I don't think any of us have seen your friends, unfortunately, but given the way things are? That's probably for the better for them.

[fuckcable]

[ Ric is actually going to give him the benefit of the doubt here, intellectually speaking. Question four is worrying. ]

Shocks are part of the official welcome party, but I don’t think anybody’s tongue’s gone numb on the first day. They don’t want to scramble our brains - what did you say to them?

[ It’s not like Ric himself was agreeable or cooperative, and he’d been shocked badly enough that he was still feeling it when he was deposited on Dan and Sam’s doorstep. ]

[pastnastification]

It didn't seem to be specific things I said, they just seemed to have trouble with most of my talking.

[A pause.]

They really didn't like my questions, especially.

Like I asked if the being strapped to the chair thing was something kinky, because if so I wanted to let them know I was already spoken for.

They really didn't like that one.

[fuckcable]

Most people don’t want to know about your kinks when they’re trying to ask you an unrelated question.

[ Case in point, Fry. ]

Were you asking them about the hot cyclops and telling them she would kick them in the head?

[fuckingaqua]

[ Oh, worm? That's like a brand of personality Tucker already knows how to work with. Right on his level. ]

Dude, don't make your name a question. They fuck up the nametags bad enough around here already.

... and how foxy is this foxy cyclops? If she roundhouse kicked me would it be worth whatever I said to get roundhouse kicked?

[pastnastification]

[He says it immediately.]

Yes.

[There is profuse nodding.]

One time we both had amnesia because I got hit in the head, and she thought I was dead and got a treatment to block off her memories of me because they made her too sad.

We wound up on opposite sides in a really short, stupid war and got in a really acrobatic fight. She punched me in the face a lot before we remembered each other again, and then we made out.

It was one of the best days of my life.

[She's that hot.]

[pastnastification]

But also that's just a hypothetical. If she's here or winds up here, don't say anything because then I'll punch you in the face.

I'd kick like her, but I can't do spinny kicks that high.

[myagents]

[The excitement in Price's brain activates again as he spots fresh meat. He knows he can't do anything with it, or at least not much, but it's a natural reaction. Oh to be in Project Freelancer and inflict deliberate medical malpractice on a rookie again...]

Greetings, Mr Fry. We have not been taken on the Rig all at once. Some of us joined recently, many others have been here for several months up to a year. We were not given any indications on the duration of our stay, and were mostly taken from different timelines and universes so we do not necessarily know each other.
You might want to request medical attention for your tongue.
Welcome on the Rig.

[pastnastification]

[Okay, time for a freak out. He was thinking days or weeks at the worst. But that's a long ass time.]

[He is suddenly filled with overwhelming anxiety. Things happen all the time back home. He doesn't like the idea of Leela and Bender and his other friends dealing with all the nonsense of their world without him there.]

[Possibly for a year. And what if it's more? It's not that he's particularly useful but sometimes he is, and sometimes bad things happen, and sometimes people find his presence during those bad things reassuring. He doesn't want them to worry or have to face all that without him there at least trying to be supportive.]

Months? A year?

[He clasps his hands so his arms are cradling his head.]

Noooooo!

That means by the time I get back, the discount at the resort will be gone! It was only in place for a few weeks.

[He looks very forlorn.]

My wife and I were going to go to the Horsehead nebula for our honeymoon. To the planet with all the horsehead people. Where you can see the nebula up close from every window. And ride horses on the beach.

[A pause.]

...Which I don't really understand because that'd be like if we rode humans that run on all fours.

But it was still going to be really nice and now we won't be able to afford it when I get back.

[wherenoonegoes]

...okay, I need to ask: why are you looking for a robot that mugs people? Also why is a robot mugging people at all?

[Toothless pops his head in from behind Hiccup, giving Fry a slightly confused look to match Hiccup's own. Seriously, that's pretty weird, dude.]

[walkingballpit]

Hey, Roboticans ‘mug’ Brainy all the time.

I’ll see myself out.

[pastnastification]

He's my best friend! And he does it for fun and also because he likes money.

[drladysounds]

Woah, a new guy with an inquisitive streak. Now that's a pleasant thing to see.

[Shelley takes the questions in stride, finding she likes this first impression. Look at this guy, he's not afraid of asking questions even if a couple of them don't paint the most flattering image ever. Now that's bravery]

Hello to Fry! No roundhouse kicks or mugging by robots around here, last I checked. Just a lot of giant butterflies and corporative cruelty, which is all par for the course, I think. The shocks are like a little hazing the employees do, don't worry too much about it -- unless you're still feeling numb, then you should worry.

[pastnastification]

[Less bravery, more being conscious of his own cluelessness.].

The numbness is mostly gone but everything still tastes purple.

[That's what it feels like.]

What's your name?

[icluciandance]

It's nice to meet you, Fry! My name is Dana.

I'm a very recent arrival myself, so I'll leave the rest of your questions to someone who's been here longer.

[ And maybe take notes on some of the answers herself, tbh. ]

[pastnastification]

Did they steal your personal belongings, too?

And your pants?

[He shakes his head.]

Those pants had been with me many a year. Through all kinds of adventures. Causing many a wedgie - but a small price to pay for protecting me from so many more.

[text, icon upside down]

[wheyoftheadept]

hey, welcome to the shitshow. i haven't seen any of your friends, but ill keep an eye out.

video, because he can't figure out text

[pastnastification]

Hey, how did you do that?

Both the text and your picture getting to be a vampire.

[greyerrant]

No robots, no... cyclopean foxes. [ Loken is painfully bad at descriptors of people like this, forgive his literal-mindedness Fry. ]

I'm Loken. And I am very sorry you have been imprisoned with us.

[pastnastification]

Thanks, I guess. Sorry you've been here longer?

[Sucks for all these guys, some of them have been here for a year.]

And she's a foxy cyclops, not a cyclops fox. It doesn't work if you reverse it.

Her family is all mutants, so she only has one eye. But it's the prettiest eye you ever seen.

[Video]

[bringinghopewithme]

One, keeps these messages just between you and us, the other prisoners. Which you oughta keep doing if you have anything to say that the cogs might be able to use against you, so good call doing it already.

[There's a certain wholesome, sweet-hearted foolishness about this guy already, a bright-eyed lack of anger at already having been tortured to the point of tongue-numbness that just screams "probably needs protection" at Bunny.]

Two, no, sorry, and three, unfortunately, more than a year. We're all working on it. Don't tell Jorgmund about it. Four, yeah, but not on day one. How'd you manage that?

Five - g'day Fry, I'm the Easter Bunny. I'm gonna need your favorite fruit and ratio of milk-to-dark chocolate for the record, now.

video

[pastnastification]

I dunno, I just didn't give them the answers they wanted. Which actually happens a lot -

[Case in point, his brain chugs along in the same direction for a while before catching up and rerouting.]

[His mouth opens in a little 'O'.]

Wait, did you say you were the Easter Bunny?

[A pause.]

And do you look like the Easter Bunny? Because you sure look like he probably would.

[fromfryingpantofire]

Damn. Everybody else got to the lock before me. I would have said it set a bomb somewhere on the Rig that we'd need to find.

[It's said deadpan enough that Sam...might not actually be joking about saying that. But he's usually not that mean.]

[Usually.]

Hi, Fry. I'm Sam. As to your questions, no to the cyclops or the robot. Been stuck here...probably about six months or so? It's hard to tell. They seem to like cramming the holidays together, so I'm not sure they're all that clear on the calendar, either.

No to the being shocked THAT much, but I have had a punishment shock and that was...not fun. To say the least. And there's quite a few of us, actually.