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[ Much like poor Tenten, Catra is broadcasting live from the infirmary. In fact, if you squint you'll probably be able to see which bed she's in to relation to Tenten. The poor woman has been bandaged to hell and back, her head wrapped in dressings, though there's enough visible for it to be clear that whatever happened to her, it was necessary for that big, poofy mane of hair to be shorn away in order for it to be treated.

At least she's not missing half her face. When she speaks, her voice is rough and croaky. She's still recovering from whatever it was that happened to her a few days back. ]

I guess I'm alive. Don't everyone celebrate at once.

[ The jab is accompanied by a weak smile. ]

What'd I miss?

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[Yeah, she kinda just. Chucked that into Catra's lap from her bed. It starts in Japanese, then gets crossed out and continues in that dumb language they suddenly knew at Jorgmund.]

When I told you to watch out for Adora because she's a hero, it wasn't a hint for you to try to be one!

[ Catra winces as the paper gets tossed at her. ]

Why don't you just say it?

[ Croak. Bleh. ]

I ran into her on my way to see you. Next time I'll make sure not to stumble on any surprise murderers.

Edited 2020-10-15 02:52 (UTC)

[She doesn't say anything because she doesn't trust herself not to burst into tears. That's against the Shinobi Code, even if they're of anger and frustration. It was bad enough that this had happened to her and Setsuna, but for Catra, who only got hit because she was there to visit...]

Or at least try not to get nearly killed, jerk.

I did my best. She was faster than I expected. I've gone toe-to-toe with She-Ra.

[ Then again, was She-Ra ever really trying to kill her? ]

She used this gas on me and I don't remember much of what happened after that.

[She's not sure what to say about that. She-ra means nothing to her. Nor does the gas, save for the obvious effects on Catra.

She starts to scribble something else down, and the napkin rips. She scowls, starts over, then just flings the pen down and shreds the entire thing, flinging it into the air. She rolls over, facing the wall, and wraps the blankets tight around her so that the shivering doesn't tell as easily.

If she weren't so inadequate, things wouldn't've gotten this far in the first place. And now the number of wounded keeps climbing because she couldn't take care of her own messes.]

[ Catra is bad at this. Bad at connection, bad at reaching out to others. Bad at comforting. She looks over at where Tenten is laying wrapped in blankets. She is very quiet for long minutes. ]

...What? I'm fine.

[ Yeah, perfect. Good job, Catra. ]

Catra! You're awake! I'll be right there-!

[ She basically only left so she could sleep and even then, she's still exhausted. ]

What? Why?

[ Of course, Adora is already on the way here, so... not much she can do about it. ]

Because you almost died!

[ Which is really all she has to say before she makes it down to the infirmary at a jog. She immediately crosses over to Catra's bed and hovers for a moment, as if she's trying to decide whether Catra is well enough to hug. ]

You're okay... [ As if she can't quite believe it herself. ]

[ Catra is still bandaged, her hair is gone, and she's still not quite able to speak without it feeling like swallowed sandpaper, but she's on the mend? She looks up at Adora, grumpy as all hell. ]

Yeah. She-Ra. Of course I'm fine. You came to save the day when I told you to go make sure everyone in the infirmary was okay.

I wasn't going to let you die!

[ Adora wants to say something else. Maybe to cry a little. A part of her is kind of hurt. Of course Catra is goingt o tell her she shouldn't have bothered. ]

Is that what you wanted?

[ Catra grunts. ]

I would have been fine.

[ That's not an answer, Catra. Also clearly not true. ]

Catra... she was going to kill you.

[ Adora feels like she's repeating herself and she folds her arms, hands tucked into her armpits as she tries to think of something to say. ]

I just - I didn't want to lose you.

[ Again. Permanently. ]

So what if she did?

[ Catra snaps her reply. Better to push Adora away than get her hopes up. Again. It's a conversation they've had before, and yet it keeps coming back around. Each time is similar. Each time Catra is peering at herself, unsure if she's worth any of the effort. ]

I'm not worth it, Adora. All I do is hurt people.

[ She is keenly aware of Tenten's presence. Perhaps it drives her to push harder than normal. ]

You don't really think that.

[ Adora sounds small when she replies. What else does she say? ]

There's more to you than that! You can still - you're helping people here.

Don't tell me what I think, Adora.

[ It's the same cycle. Something drives them together, gives them a chance to bare their feelings... and Catra pushes away. It's too frightening to think of the idea of being rejected or that she might have to make an effort to be known and be vulnerable. Being vulnerable means being hurt.

She learned that lesson the hard way through her whole life. ]

[ Her expression twitches. ]

...I couldn't just let you die. I don't regret saving you. At all.

[ She glances away. She can't vocalize this. She doesn't know how. Figuring out how to frame this in terms of what she wants feels impossible because since when has what she personally wanted ever mattered? What she wants isn't important. It's saving the world. Saving other people. She doesn't deserve anything else if she can't do that. ]

I'm just... happy you're going to be okay.

[ Catra rolls onto her side, forcibly breaking her gaze from Adora's so she can stare at the wall. It's not fair. It's probably even a little cruel. But then, that's Catra. Her own pain keeps her from reaching out in a way that might help. She's trying, mostly, to be Adora's friend again but there are times it just hurts too much. ]

Yeah, you got to be the hero again. Good for you.

[ Adora's expression registers shock and then a grim, angry determination. She leans over to grab Catra's shoulder and flip her back toward her. ]

You know what, Catra? Fine. If that's how you want it to be, it'll be that way. I'll just leave you alone and you never have to talk to me again if you don't want to. Happy?

[ Catra winces as she's rolled back over. Ow. That hurt. She glares sullenly at Adora. The threat is sharp and pointed. The same thing that Adora said to her descending the staircase from her punishment. She rits her teeth, ears flatten. ]

...That's not what I want.

Then what do you want? Because I can't keep doing this!

[ And she also can't vocalize her own desires, because she's screwed up, too. Just in a different way. ]

I--

[ What she wants is for Adora to stay. For Adora to care. For Adora to feel the same way that Catra does. That can't happen though. Adora couldn't possibly want Catra. Not the way that Catra wants her. ]

I don't know.

Catra...

[ Adora sighs, exhales. Like there's all this weight that she can't shrug off. ]

I'm not giving up on you. I never will. But I need to know that you're here, too. That you're... I don't know... that you want to stay, too.

[ This sucks. This really sucks. Catra grits her teeth. What is she supposed to say? How does she even deal with this? ]

I... want to stay.

[ Her heart feels tense and tight in her chest and she tries to curl in on herself. ]

I just don't want to ruin everything again.

There's no way of knowing. But... I don't think you will. Not if you try. Not if we both do.

[ Adora's still half bent over Catra, watching her with a slightly mournful, slightly hopeful expression. ]

I... I won't leave you behind, Catra. I never did. I never wanted to.

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