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[ When North appears on the network this particular evening, he doesn't share anything about why he's so drunk or anything like that. He doesn't go mooning to the entire network about his problems or the situation with Wash and his sister. No, that's not on his agenda at all.

What's on his agenda is his ever-increasing irritation with how messy the people on the rig seem to be. ]

Look at this.

[ North turns the camera of his device to show one of the urinals in the restrooms near the living quarters of the rig. His words are slurred just enough to show to the discerning that he's pretty drunk. ]

You see that? That's filthy.

[ The camera is now turned to show North's face. He holds the device low, and walks out of the restroom. ]

And if you think I'm complaining about just one urinal you've got another think coming. Look at this hallway.

[ He turns the camera again. ]

The walls are stained. The floor is dirty.

[ There's a slight pause with a sound like him swallowing a burp. ]

And yes, I know there's parts from an oil rig and all that. But you live here. You're not telling me you lived like this wherever you came from.

And if you did...shame on you.

[ It's distant-sounding at first, but North's feed picks up York in the background calling his name and asking what's taking so long, then just: ]

Oh no.

[ A cheerful brunette appears in the feed, waving and smiling winningly. He'll make up for North insulting the entire rig with sheer charm, just you watch him. ]

Don't mind him, folks! He's just a grumpy drunk tonight, we're gonna head off now. Right, North? Bedtime. How do we turn this off?

(( ooc: as you can see, both Agents North and York of Project Freelancer are involved in this post, North in purple and York in gold. Feel free to specify either or both when you reply! ))

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Ahh, I get it. So what huge problems are you avoiding right now by pretending you'd actually use a flamethrower to clean?

[ Because the scorch marks would be an even more upsetting mess to his buddy, he's pretty sure, if the whole place didn't go up in flames due to being an oil rig in a past life. ]

Who's pretending? Get me a flamethrower. I'll rock that urinal's world. It's no shock collar removal, but it's honest, incompetent work.

Please no one get him a flamethrower. That is a terrible idea. I do not trust this man with a flamethrower.

...or myself. Or most people, for that matter.

Flamethrower-blocking a fellow New Hire. Where's the solidarity between people getting kidnapped for the same stupid bullshit? Shameful, man.

There's nothing but solidarity, I'm just trying to keep you from blowing up. Those things are incredibly finicky.

Eh. If I keep arguing about this, I'm just gonna get depressed about not having access to any cool shit outside of missions. It's all work, no play, and gross half-eaten donut Fridays around here.

[ Just let them take the car around the corner to McDonald's, Jorgmund. Honestly!!! ]

You responsibly chaperone for a living or what?

I made a go at it very now and then but it just wasn't profitable. You'd think I'd have learned to embrace the chaos full time but goddamnit I don't enjoy seeing people I like getting hurt.

[ He already likes Tucker based on Wash's information. ]

Lame. [ He says like the back half of that last sentence is not inherently super relatable. It has the energy of someone who, in another life or time, could perhaps be apprenticed to become an effective part of an assigned team-up with Caboose one day.

Not a vibe that many people actually have right off the bat. ]

But I guess if you're part of the Freelancer package, it makes sense that you're a chaos buzzkill. That only makes all of you so far.

I'm trying to distance myself from that. Dropped the Agent and everything even if some people insist on using it.

But hey, I can be pretty chaotic when I want to be. Did you ever hear how the MoI crashed? All me. Mostly me.

I didn't hear jack about shit, dude. I was probably dealing with OG Blue Army stuff, like standing around in a box canyon. Still, cool story bro.

Try to stay chaotic enough to give me a heads up if you change your mind and decide to screw me and Wash over later, and I'll take your word for it.

[ He's gotta check back in with Wash on the present-ex-Freelancers trust scale instead of just hanging out, he guesses. He doesn't even know their odds. ]

[ Whoa, that tone changed fast. York blinks in confusion, brow furrowing. ]

Okay. Want to clue me in on what you're so upset about? I could guess, but we'd probably be here awhile.

[ Local man who opened mouth without thinking, as per the norm: immediately has to stop to actually think before speaking this time. He's not bad at to-the-point stuff, because yeah, if he wanted to go full detail or play the guessing game, this would take a hundred years. Or 15 seasons. ]

Look, dude. As far as Reds and Blues go? Our Freelancer fallout track record isn't exactly great. We get into a situation, we almost get out of it, someone we thought had our back whips out a double-cross, everything goes bad. It's the worst tradition ever, but it's ours, y'know?

[ Wash, who Tucker fully trusts, somewhere on the Rig literally forced into being a double agent for Jorgmund, probably sneezes. ]

If you guys are legit, I'm into it. I hate thinking about stuff, so that'll be one less thing to deal with. And if you're not legit, I can't afford whatever getting hit with that by surprise would blow back at my whole two-man Blue Team. Soooo, nothing personal. But also if you've got an agenda that might break bad down the line, a heads up would be cool.

[ York gives a low whistle because oof, it sounds like they've been through a lot. He respects the wariness at least. ]

Part of me wants to ask who you ran into but let's be real, a lot of us suck. I can promise I won't double-cross anybody at least. And there's no agenda with me besides trying to do the right thing.

But I also know nothing I say can reassure you since I'm a complete stranger, I'll just have to prove it.

[ Points for sincerity. It honestly puts Tucker a little on the back foot, in the way that straightforward understanding and sincerity often does.

Truly the language he's least fluent in, and that's saying something since he still doesn't get most of that blarg-honk alien language stuff. If only Grif or Simmons were here to call him a dumbass for being antagonistic. ]

... right.

[ ???

What's he supposed to do with his steam? Just lose it, apparently? ]

I guess I thought that was gonna turn into an argument. So. I didn't plan ahead for an asshole-energy to being-cool exchange rate.

[ York just smiles, lopsided because of his scar. ]

I'm not really the arguing type, if it can be helped. Sorry to let the wind out of your sails there. Tell me something about you that isn't Freelancer-related, I feel like that's just a minefield.

Kind of a minefield. Basically anything good or bad worth mentioning in my tinder bio is technically Freelancer-related.

Anytime we're not doing that, we just stand around talking. Especially now that we're actually legit retired. So mostly it's me and a bunch of assholes trying to get our shit together for the first time ever. Which is cool, but it also sucks.

[ Are they succeeding? Not totally. Is that something about him? Sort of. ]

Like, I was trying to get Junior's schedule sent my way so I know when we can get together, right? But the school keeps fuckin' trying to fax it to me! They might as well write it on a shoulder-pad, cram it into a bottle, and tie it to a balloon. Totally ridiculous. I never signed up for that grownup shit.

[ York nods along with it until Tucker mentions Junior, then the Freelancer bullshit and talk of retirement falls to the wayside. He's glad the other soldier got to retirement, of course, and that Wash is likely included in it, but-- ]

Junior... you've got a kid.

[ He smiles, even if it's a little sad. ]

I always wanted kids. What're they like?

Oh, Junior kicks ass. I mean, I've never really been the family type. I was always trying to keep things loose and casual, y'know? So having a baby was a whole thing to deal with.

Turns out that it kinda rules. It's been forever since we were in the same place, but I get his pictures and report cards and stuff. He's got a basketball scholarship! So he's good at sports and smart enough to hold down the full ride. I don't think it would hurt him to get into a little more trouble, but I get it. Gotta keep that reputation clean.

[ It's actually really heartwarming listening to Tucker talk about his son. York is a bit of a sap for family stuff, something he's pretty sure he'll never get to have but has always wanted. ]

Sounds like a great kid. Do you have any pictures here?

Nah, those are still back home. I've usually got one in my armor? So next time there's a mission where these assholes decide it's worth giving me my own shit back, maybe it'll turn up.

[ Bad odds are better than no chance, even if he figures he's way more into "no chance" territory than bad odds. It's nice to hold out for a while. He can get pissed later on if it doesn't work out.

Tucker shrugs one shoulder. ]

It's whatever.

[ It's definitely not whatever, but York chooses optimism in this regard. ]

Next time we get our armor, then, I'm sure it's still there. And I want to hear you brag about your kid some more.

I've always got a sick Junior brag in the chamber. Part basketball star, part alien Jesus, all badass. I've got more bragging rights than any dad out there.

[ Wait what. ]

...alien Jesus..?

Oh shit, right. Yeah, so, I fell down a hole and found a legendary alien sword, right? And then this alien shows up like five minutes later and gets all pissed because I beat him to it and now it's connected to my DNA. So he drags me off to do some stupid quest, and it turns out to be a total fucking bust and then he dies. So I bailed.

[ Quests suck. ]

Only I guess the quest was just an excuse to knock me up and make a half-alien, half-human religious savior to use the sword and end the war or whatever. I had Junior in my bunk at Blood Gulch, dude. Childbirth fuckin' sucked.

[ Just give him a moment to take all that in. Processing... processing......... okay. So that actually happened, it doesn't sound like Tucker is fucking with him. He chooses to bypass the 'how is that kind of hybrid even possible?' question and just focus on the last comment. ]

So I've heard. But at the end of all that you've got a great kid, so it was worth it, right?

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fuckingaqua - 2021-01-29 17:26 (UTC) - Expand

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