Mac Unionizes [Video]

[morebetter]

[OOC: Mac's a character who engages in a lot of bigoted opinions and behavior, which may come up in these threads. Please hit me up here if you have any must-avoid topics.]

[Anyone who knows Mac should be concerned that the expression on his face is unambiguously smug. His eyes are alight with that pseudo-manic “I have a great idea” energy that betrays that he does not, in fact, have a great idea, and in fact that any idea he stumbles across is all the worse for having his involvement. When he pops onto the network with the sleeves hacked off his uniform and a rubber ball he’s bouncing off some wall off the screen, he’s all grins, puffed chest, and unearned confidence.

(Un)fortunately or those who don’t know Mac, they’re about to find out exactly why they should be worried whenever he looks like he’s cracked the code.]

Ey-ooo, what’s up, ████? [The swear filter jumps in lightning fast - no seven-second delay here, baby - to bleep out the curse word and briefly smudge a black censored box over his mouth, as “bitches” is not an appropriate term per the Jorgmund Harassment Prevention Protocol.] I’m Mac, and you’re all really lucky I’m here. You’re welcome, you’re welcome.

[Thump, the ball goes off-screen before he fumbles it on the catch. It rolls somewhere off camera and for a moment he considers abandoning his announcement to go get it, then shrugs and returns to his speechifying.]

You’ve all noticed that this job sucks, right? I’ve got a whole list of complaints, but HR keeps telling me to put it in the suggestion box and I’ve put like five copies in and I’m starting to think I’m pretty sure that thing’s a shredder. That’s definitely not going to help us get better food or less itchy clothing or a shower situation where we don’t have to look at women being disgusting with their bodies.

So I’ve been doing some thinking, and I think I’ve come up with the perfect solution. Now, I’m a business-owner myself, so normally I’d be against this thing, but dudes? I really think we should unionize.

Think about it. Once you’re in a union, it’s a law that they have to give you vacations and can’t punish you no matter how bad you ████ up. You don’t even have to ████ up on accident - you can intentionally ruin everything and your employers can’t do ████ because it’s illegal. It’s basically Groucho Marx’s whole manifesto, right? From that book? Power to the people and all that stuff that’s really ████ inconvenient when it’s other people but way convenient when it applies to us right now.

Once we unionize, here’s some stuff that’s automatic. [He starts counting them off on his fingers.] Food that doesn’t taste like it’s older than we are. No more zap collars. Personal showers, you know, available at then end of the week it’d take to build them, I’m not expecting a miracle here. Casual day every day because the only people who benefit from a dress code are nerds. Honestly, there’s literally nothing to lose and so much to gain with a little cooperation.

Now, as the guy who came up with this idea, I think it’s only fair that union dues go to me. Now, I know what you’re thinking - Mac, none of us have cash! - but that’s okay. I’m a reasonable guy an I’m happy to take my lot in favors and gossip. [He wags a finger.] But it has to be interesting and maybe kind of blackmail-worthy. Boring rumors are even worse than regular rumors, because boring rumors are a ████ waste of time.

By the way? I’m doing this out of the goodness of my heart. It turns out I have a really convenient disability and in the eyes of the law, I’m completely untouchable. So chop-chop with the favors.

[This is, for the record, absolutely not locked from the Jorgmund’s eyes, despite Mac’s sincere beliefs that being a “security professional”, “bodyguard” and “impressively detail-oriented guy” has contributed to his planning here.]

Comments

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[greyaria]

Mac, have you actually read The Communist Manifesto?

[Emily, who's recently been able to upgrade from ugly coveralls to ugly but comfortable surgical scrubs, sounds like a patient teacher preparing to lead a student through a discussion of why eating paste is not something first graders do.]

[morebetter]

What's that?

text

[turntex]

dude
i dont even know where to start with all this

video

[morebetter]

Dude, use video, I don't have time to read all this.

[Video]

[aleifr]

[Aleifr just ... stares at the screen for a moment before keying open his comm and turning on the camera ... with some difficulty, admittedly, but he manages it.]

They've put something in your head that can shock you to death on a whim. How exactly do you imagine you have an advantage in bargaining?

[morebetter]

The law. The law that says that you can't get terminated if you're part of a union. [Mac rolls his eyes.] It's like you're not following this at all.

[greatlyexaggerated]

Your primary idea is sound...

[Technically, that's the telling the truth. He's not going to touch on about 95% of what else he was talking about, though. What an earnest fellow, posting it publicly too. Could be useful, and so Cain acts thoughtful like he's raised a valid suggestion.]

If I understand you right, it's certainly not a bad idea to form a coalition so we can present any concerns we might have more effectively as a group to Jorgmund. Make sure we're all on the same page, so to speak.

[morebetter]

See, you get it. This guy gets it! [Mac slaps his hands on whatever surface is off-the-screen but in front of him in a relieved, celebratory motion.]

I'm saying a coalition where we ████ until we get what we want, protected safely in the arms of the forefathers who put unionizing into the Constitution. Which will take the whole group, so I'm going to need your help getting some of these dummies on board.

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[partiallysquirrelblood]

Mac, buddy? Collective bargaining is a good idea, but you're making a lot of assumptions that are wildly incorrect at best? That's not how unions work, and even if that was how unions work? I'm pretty sure Jorgmund doesn't care if they break the law. considering they put shock collars inside us.

...also Groucho Marx was a comedian. Karl Marx wrote the Communist Manifesto. They're two different completely unrelated people.

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[fromfryingpantofire]

Thank you for being a source of reason and explanation in this.

[Because it keeps Sam from having to explain it and he's pretty sure that's not going to go well.]

Re: Text

[morebetter]

Okay, whatever, different Marxes. My original point still stands. Jorgmund has to answer to some law, and if that law looks like any sensible law, it protects unions. Or, at least, our union.

[wheyoftheadept]

this ain't gonna end well, chummer.

[morebetter]

Why? Doubting me already, when you don't even know me? Whatever, I'm righteous and sensible.

[xrater]

Well if gossip and rumors is enough, I hear someone's trying to start a union.

Someone whose name isn't Mac.

[Because his name is Ronald.]

[morebetter]

Someone else is trying to blow up my spot? That's rude and counterproductive, which makes it double ████. We should throw that person off the roof.

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[heterochrocatic]

Uh, take it from me. People like Jorgmund? They don't care if you get together with your buddies.

Good effort though.

[ Catra seems entirely bored with this. ]

[morebetter]

That's why it's a union, not a get-together. Get with the program already.

[walkingballpit]

[ Oh. My. Stars. ]

Are you one of those people with no inner monologue? Because this is exactly how I think their life must go. Full steam ahead, damn the torpedoes. And don’t get me wrong, monologue-ing outloud is only occasionally useful enough to merit being bored to tears, but we have got to jumpstart your brain, bro.

[morebetter]

Yeah, I tuned out like four words in because it sounded like you were being insulting and I don't really have time for that today. Tomorrow, maybe, I might be bored and need someone to start a feud with. But today? I'm busy, bro.

Anyway are you in the union or not?

[greyerrant]

[ Loken's background in political theory is incredibly small. So this is mostly very confusing to someone from a strict top down military hierarchy like him. ]

What is a union? And... where are these laws you are citing?

[partiallysquirrelblood]

Unions are organizations of employees formed to negotiate with an employer for better pay, working conditions, and other benefits. Healthcare, vacation time, insurance, that sort of thing.

Mac kinda seems to have a mistaken impression of how they work and the laws surrounding them.

[valkywhee]

Who's Grouchy Marks?

[Asking the important questions.]

[morebetter]

Groucho. He's a guy who wrote a book about how the workers have all the power if they get together and talk about it enough.

[princesspower]

[ She's going to focus on the important parts of this. Or try to. Mac is weird. ]

I don't think that's all automatic. Just because we say we're going to work together doesn't mean they'll actually listen to us. We're going to have to fight them for any of that!

[morebetter]

That's what I'm saying. [He looks delighted to continue to babble his nonsense at someone.] Once we work together, the law protects us, so we can do whatever we want. So long as we keep saying we're a union, they can't enforce ████ against us.

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[dyaddyissues]

[ Kylo is not impressed. ]

If you believe that someone like Jorgmund will respond in kind to a ... organized union, you are fooling yourself. But all means, organize openly against an individual who forced their captives to wear collars that electrocute when they step out of line.

Re: video »

[morebetter]

I mean, that's what I'm doing right now, ████, and I haven't been zapped into a Christmas tree yet. [Mac rolls his eyes, but self-consciously paws at the back of his neck.]

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[stickypete]

Wow.

[He says it out loud, very sarcastically, because Mac isn't the only one that doesn't have a filter.]

Mac.

There are no laws here.

[He has a feeling that with the two of them being roommates, this is going to be a very long...whatever.]

[morebetter]

Ben! [Mac flashes a friendly wave at Peter, the sarcasm clearly zinging right over his head or, more likely, hitting home and then just being disregarded anyway.]

Dude, there are absolutely laws here. We have shock collars in our neck, right? Crime and punishment, and you can't have crimes without laws.

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[bringinghopewithme]

[Oh no, he's trying. This is what Mac trying looks like.

This is who Jorgmund put a shock collar in him to work with.]

Lemme know how that goes.

Re: Video

[morebetter]

[Oh hey, Bunny dude. Mac's been meaning to ask how it is that he's supposedly the Easter Bunny when spring in Australia is actually autumn.]

Dude, when it goes well? You'll know. I'm not going to be able to shut up about it. [Mac is, on rare occasion, self-aware. It's just rarely in a way that benefits himself or anybody else.]

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[becauseimacoward]

[Dojima had patience for just a couple points before he tuned out, a strange horror settling over him.

This idiot. What did he think he was doing?!]

Jorgmund sets the law here. You got no bargaining chips. Are you insane?

[And, even if they didn't, then...what kind of laws could there exist in this world? There are so many ways this could go wrong, it's just so hard to figure out what will go wrong first!]

[morebetter]

[Mac pulls a skeptical face when this text message comes in, like he has to read it twice to believe that someone isn't following his train of thought here.]

If we didn't have any bargaining chips, they wouldn't need to put shock collars in our necks. [Mac taps his temple.] Five steps ahead, buddy.

Video

[monkey_wrench]

[Oh wow, this was the best thing to happen since he'd gotten on the rig. There was just so much to unpack here. It takes real effort to wrangle his laughter down to a blatantly amused smile before he's switched on the video.]

This is a great idea, Mac! Don't listen to these downers. I for one would love to personally see you pitch this to the company.

You should bring it to Washburn and show him your poster board. [Why yes he did peruse the discussion enough to see that. Everything in this thread was comedy gold.] With our demands put into such blunt and simple terms there no way he can legally say no.

[morebetter]

Thanks, dude. [The satisfied smile makes it clear that while Mac considers himself well-versed in sarcasm, this particular strain is going right over his head. Whiffing noise and all.] I think everyone just needs to sign the poster board and that'll be at least somewhat formal.

[He gives the posterboard another look.] Honestly, though, I'm thinking it might need a second draft. We can dream bigger.