Untriumphant Returns [Text]

[pasthole]

Alright. I'm back.

Don't ask me where I went. I'll save us all a lot of time by saying I have no fucking idea? I would be more disconcerted, but shit just happening for no reason is a wheelhouse with which I am passing familiar so I'm ready to move on.

What I do know is they processed me as a new hire, again, and any system communication referring to "Karkat 2" is in fact about the same long-suffering asshole you have already come to know.

Please don't send shit to my old inbox because I won't be able to access it.

Actually wait. Do send your shit to my old inbox. A fertile plot of soil conditioning can grow from everyone's unwanted inane comments. We can use it to feed our anemic and spineless earth vegetables. God knows they don't bite hard enough to get any protein.

Comments

[pasthole]

Have they made you do the obstacle course yet?

[piper90npcs]

No spoilers, fuckboy, or you run the next one between everyone else's rounds.

Respectfully,
Planker
Head of Training

JORGMUND MESSAGE OF THE DAY: Life is like a book. Each day you have to write a new chapter. So make that positive. Have an awesome day!

[pasthole]

Okay fine, I won't ruin your sadistic ambiance for your hatedate with the entire populace. Happy?

[ He hates you so much Planker, so much. ]

[bothbarrels]

They haven't, no. I take it that it's hard?

[pasthole]

Hard? Yeah it's hard but that is far and away from the entire point of the experience.

Planker up there is the one in charge of it and I feel confident in letting that fact speak for itself here.

[bothbarrels]

I don't mind a hard obstacle course. Sounds fun, really. What's the downside?

text

[parannoyed]

I'm actually kind of looking forward to it. I'm hoping it's as tough as everyone's saying.

[Wash is a freak.]

[pasthole]

Says the guy who obviously has no idea what he's talking about and is going to eat a hot steaming plate of chagrin slurry in record time.

[parannoyed]

You say that like I don't expect to thoroughly eat dirt. It's no fun unless you eat at least some dirt.

[No, Karkat, he's just a freeeeeak.]

[pasthole]

If you start telling me about your raging boner for being bossed around by well-bred aristocrats, horses, or any combination of the two I'm going to get the worst possible case of deja vu and leave this conversation forever.

[parannoyed]

That's very specific.

[Like. Who hurt you, Karkat. What weirdo who liked getting bossed around by horses hurt you?]

I don't like getting bossed around, I'm just used to it. I used to be in the military.

[Now he's sort on glorified work release back home so it doesn't count as being in the military anymore. Work release with guns.]

I just like a good workout.

[pasthole]

"Good" is not a word I would put anywhere near this.

It's more like a masochism party for stupid unlucky nookwhiffs.

If that sounds like your jam then I'm not judging.

[parannoyed]

Things have to actually be hard to be a good workout if you have a different threshold.