Untriumphant Returns [Text]

[pasthole]

Alright. I'm back.

Don't ask me where I went. I'll save us all a lot of time by saying I have no fucking idea? I would be more disconcerted, but shit just happening for no reason is a wheelhouse with which I am passing familiar so I'm ready to move on.

What I do know is they processed me as a new hire, again, and any system communication referring to "Karkat 2" is in fact about the same long-suffering asshole you have already come to know.

Please don't send shit to my old inbox because I won't be able to access it.

Actually wait. Do send your shit to my old inbox. A fertile plot of soil conditioning can grow from everyone's unwanted inane comments. We can use it to feed our anemic and spineless earth vegetables. God knows they don't bite hard enough to get any protein.

Comments

[walkingballpit]

You watched the PowerPoint twice?

[pasthole]

I endured it, yes.

They didn't change it, if you were absolutely dying to know.

[walkingballpit]

I wasn’t, but thanks for the update. Your sacrifice will be noted.

[pasthole]

I'm glad we're all now thoroughly apprised of the excellent time I've been having.

Speaking of, did I miss anything important? Or did everyone just sit around with their prongs up their chutes while I fucked off out of existing for a while?

[walkingballpit]

I don’t know how to break it to you but one of the following happened..

Pigs flew.

The moon shone.

The Maple Leafs won the Cup.

I ate cafeteria squid.

text;

[bothbarrels]

Welcome to the madhouse again, I suppose. We haven't met. I go by North. Glad to meet you.

Re: text;

[pasthole]

Great. Welcome to the club I guess. We have giant steaming heaps of fun when we're not busy losing time for unknown reasons.

[bothbarrels]

I've heard people say a lot of bad things about the place but so far it hasn't seemed that bad to me. Though I think your perspective changes a bit when you've been homeless and on the run for a couple of years.

[pasthole]

Have they made you do the obstacle course yet?

[piper90npcs]

No spoilers, fuckboy, or you run the next one between everyone else's rounds.

Respectfully,
Planker
Head of Training

JORGMUND MESSAGE OF THE DAY: Life is like a book. Each day you have to write a new chapter. So make that positive. Have an awesome day!

[bothbarrels]

They haven't, no. I take it that it's hard?

text

[parannoyed]

One might argue the internal shock collar is just a bit...excessive.

[The critique is light enough he's willing to put it on a public network, and besides, he has the argument prepared for Jorgmund that he needs to actually fit in. They know people aren't happy here.]

But if that weren't an issue this place would be fine.

[He honestly does think that. The last time he had a room with metal walls it was a lot worse than this. And even before the prison? Before the rather pathetic base after the Mother of Invention?]

Things we didn't even have on the Mother of Invention: walking trails through gardens, an old-timey library with vintage paper books, almost exclusively farm-to-table food instead of a mix of fresh food and...not, a scenic rooftop view over alien landscapes...

Foosball. This place has an arcade and meditation rooms, it's practically a spa.

[princesspower]

Welcome back.

They're really not good at this whole paperwork thing, are they?

[pasthole]

When they took my finger prints the guy running the machine said oh, that's weird, you match somebody here!

I could not convince him that I was already here before. I tried!

[princesspower]

I hate to say it, but is everyone working here stupid?

[pasthole]

Yes. Emphatically, astonishingly, plate-grindingly stupid.

I am glad we've come to this important realization together. Join me in being fucking amazed at how they manage to run this place at all.

[heterochrocatic]

They gave you a new name.

What the fuck?

[xrater]

You've looked at the wall of shame in the cafeteria, yes?

1/??

[heterochrocatic]

what the fuck is your problem? Of course I've seen it, asshole.

[heterochrocatic]

You think I need a REMINDER of what that psycho did to me?

3/3 okay she's done

[heterochrocatic]

fuck you

[xrater]

[She gets Catra's anger. She'll just let it wash over her.]

I was actually referring to your name on it. Karkat isn't the only one who's gotten a change courtesy of Jorgmund.

[pasthole]

Apparently?

Wait that is not enough surprise noodles to accurately transcribe my incredulity. Let's try that again.

Apparently????

[heterochrocatic]

they're so fucking stupid

i hate them

[pasthole]

Me too Catra.

Me too.

For whatever it's worth I forgive you for the shirt thing. We have so many worse problems here.