001: Group Introductions - TEXT

[tarnishedavenger]

[During a lull in the party, Armstrong taps out a quick message to the network. Not that private one, he doesn't trust it. They can answer whenever they like, so long as he gets an answer. The trick would be wording it.]

So, we're all in this for now. You've had your welcome cake, but you can't meet everyone in a party, no matter how hard you try. But, since we've all been encouraged to sign up with Jorgmund, I figured now would be a good time to get some introductions done. Talk about any specialties we might have.

Share information that we feel comfortable sharing. This isn't to pressure anyone or to force out any dark secrets.

[Not where watchful eyes can see, at least.]

Besides, I prefer doing this to making a cute information sharing game.

So, please, make your own threads within this post to keep everything organized.

Comments

[credit_not_blame]

Well then, welcome to Office Hours, I'll be your T.A. in the wild, wonderful world of 'recognizing when my big mouth is gonna get ripped right off of my face'.

Joking aside, I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt and assuming that you didn't intend to yeet yourself over the line like an Olympic pole-vaulter, so I'm spelling the whole thing out for you.

[turntex]

[ok he likes her.]

yeah im kinda infamous for being entirely unable to control the shit that comes out of my mouth
its less a stream of consciousness and more niagra falls
the words just dont stop coming and all any of us can do is hope they dont land in any especially emabarassing configurations
usually im the only one taking splash damage though i just really fucked up this time i guess
catgirl seems cool at least

[credit_not_blame]

Good thing I like a challenge :P

I think she's still pissed at me, but whatever. Either we'll work it out or we won't. At least I heal fast.

[turntex]

did you try apologizing
that worked for me
better than expected honestly

[credit_not_blame]

No, because I'm snotty and passive-aggressive and used to being in the right when I break up fights.

I'll go do that.

[turntex]

cool update me on how that goes

[credit_not_blame]

Update: what do you know, we've reached peace in our time between pissed off teenage girls. Good call.

[turntex]

yeah its wild
like no offense but all the teen girls i have ever known are crazy and like hell would i ever stick myself in the middle of any of those fights
no thanks ill be over here where its safe like any sane man

[credit_not_blame]

Oh yeah, no, do NOT get in the middle of a girl fight. Boys, you interrupt the staredown and it's fine, girls? Will MESS YOU UP.

I'm not even talking werewolves here, I'm talking 100% human suburbia girls.

casually retcons like six prior instances of cussing in this thread alone lmao

[turntex]

oh yeah
i mean non suburbia girls too
straight middle of nowhere girls
and alien girls
like literally every single girl i have ever met has been some level of batFUDGE
the amount of flying mammal sex going on here is absolutely insane
i got on a rock for three years with mostly a bunch of smarmy wackjob girls and in hindsight its no surprise that me and my best bro started hanging out
we were each others only solace in that hot mess of estrogen and whatever the troll equivalent of estrogen is

[credit_not_blame]

Oh definitely! I meant more that even the nicest most-stereotypical-harmless girl will maul you as the BASELINE, other girls just go up from there.

Troll?

[turntex]

aliens
dont worry about it

[credit_not_blame]

I'm not worried, but I'm definitely intrigued. What were you doing on a rock with a bunch of aliens?

[turntex]

the short answer is hitching a ride into an alternate universe
the long answer involves the apocalypse and a homicidal furry and a suicide mission
honestly both either way its kind of a ridiculous story best summed up as
shenanigans

[credit_not_blame]

My own experiences with apocalypses, homicidal furries, and suicide missions says that you're probably right on that.

I'm just jealous I never got aliens.

[turntex]

glad these things are universal constants
its an oddly comforting thought
but yeah you should be jealous the aliens were the best part
except for the ones that were evil i mean
but the good ones outweighed the bad in my opinion